Talking about it was a mistake. I’m looking at his face now, and all the pain is coming flooding back.
He’s staring at me like he can’t understand the words coming out of my mouth. So then he adds some that have the same effect on me. “I sent you a text. I sent you a text telling you I’d run into Silas. And telling you, for fuck’s sake…I told you, I practically begged you to come see me before we went on tour.”
“I didn’t get it,” I tell him. He wouldn’t lie about this, would he? What would be the point, after all this time?
“I don’t believe you.”
I pull away from him. All this time, I had thought that I was the one betrayed by him, I can’t believe he thought I’d done the same. How could we ever move on from this? So, I tell him, tell him what he should’ve known eight years ago.
“Believe me. If I had gotten your message, I would have been there. Rain, hail, shine, or fucking tornado I would’ve been there, Brad. Hell, I would’ve gone with you.”
“You didn’t want that. You’d said no to Silas.”
“Yes, because it was Silas. He wasn’t you.”
“Or maybe I wouldn’t have left,” he says, as if wishing he’d had the choice.
“Then where would you be today?” I ask him softly.
“Maybe with you.”
And the revelation seems to hit us both, that’d we’d both royally fucked it up.
He reaches across the bed and takes my hand in his. His voice is broken, soft. Each word kills me.
“I’ve been walking around with a broken heart for eight years, Butter. Shattered. It killed me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I can only say it was the same for me.”
“I didn’t know either. I would never have left your side for anyone. I don’t even remember getting those messages from those girls. I probably just deleted them. They didn’t mean anything to me. How could you have not known that?”
“How could you not have known after that night that I’d never ever leave you…for Silas?”
Neither of us have words that can explain our younger selves.
“So.”
“So.”
“Maybe it’s better that you stayed,” Brad starts.
“And maybe it’s better that you left,” I finish.
“What now?”
“I think, I think the universe was trying to tell us something. That it knows better than we do.” A single hot tear slides down my cheek. As much as I’d been fighting Brad, I hadn’t thought I’d have to say goodbye to the thought of us together again so soon.
“Fuck the universe!” he says, and my breath catches.
He pulls me against him, and his lips are finally against mine again.
“Fuck the universe,” I mumble, repeating his words, my hands reaching up to brush through his hair, his face, and down his neck. I couldn’t stop now if I tried. And I won’t.
“God, I could kiss you forever and not get tired of it,” he murmurs, his lips grazing against my neck.
“You’re going to have to, because I’m going to want your mouth elsewhere,” I whisper to him, the moisture between my legs building just thinking of him moving his mouth there.
“Fuck, did I just come?” he growls, his teeth biting into my shoulder.
“Doesn’t matter if you did. I’ll just have to work harder to get you ready to fuck again with my mouth.”
“Okay, that almost made me come, too. Shut your mouth, nymph.”
I giggle as he pushes me onto the bed. I scuttle to the headboard, my legs stretched out in front of me.
Brad watches me as I move, one hand unbuttoning his shirt as the other pulls the belt from its loops. He crawls onto the bed and slides his hands up my legs, pulling them up to bend at the knee, enveloping him. Before I realize what he’s doing, his hand slides down my inner thigh, and pushes aside my panties to slide a finger deep inside me.
And it’s my turn to almost come on the spot.
“Fuck…Brad,” I moan, my hips lifting off the bed.
“God, I’ve waited so long to hear you say my name like that.”
I feel his finger pull out of me, completely out. And I can’t help but push myself down toward him.
“Easy, girl…don’t worry, I’ll take care of you.”
I barely have a moment to reply before his finger is inside me again, this time deep, so deep his palm presses against my clit, sending a spasm through my body.
“Oh, God. Yes.” The words fall from my mouth without any help from me.
“Not ‘God,’ ‘Brad.'”
“No, God, this is heavenly.”
“It’s a little too dirty for heaven, baby.”
His fingers drag along the inside of me and out again.
I feel him position himself higher up on my body, and in the dark I watch him as his finger, gleaming with my arousal, slides into his mouth. It’s the most erotic moment of my life…thus far.
“Yes, just like I remember,” he teases, winking at me before moving his hand down between my legs again.
The foreplay is almost too much for me to bear. “Shut up and fuck me, Brad!”.
“Not just yet. I’ve been waiting eight years for this. I can wait just a little bit more.”
“But I can’t,” I beg him
I struggle but I manage to move from under him. I push against his chest and he rolls over, lying down, his back against my pillows. Throwing my leg over him, I straddle his hips, pressing down, needing to feel his body against me, against my aching groin.
Bracing my hands against his stomach-God, his rock-hard stomach, rippling under my hands-I look down at his face. He smiles at me, tender even in this moment when all I want is to be ravaged by him in the fiercest way.
I lean over, my hair falling down around us and I pause, our lips barely touching, breathing each other’s breath.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I whisper.
“I’ve missed you right back, my muse.” And those words ripple through me like ice down my spine.
I press my lips hard against his, tasting blood, but I don’t care. My hands fumble between us at his zipper and he reaches down to help me, pushing his jeans and underwear down his legs.
“Wait, in my pocket,” he reminds me.
I reach over and take the foil packet out of his back pocket and tear it open.
His hardness is suddenly in my hands, and I’m sliding my hands down over it, covering him. He arches, the tip of my thumb grazing over the tip of his cock.
“Fuck me, Emily. God, just do it. I want to be inside you.”
The way the words catch in his throat thrills me, the way he wants me, needs me.
I slide my panties aside and lift my hips up, positioning him right where I want him.
“One, two…” I tease him. “Three.” He catches his breath, but I don’t move. His hips arch up and I pull back. The glint in his eyes tells me I’m playing with fire.