Sebastian elbows me and I turn and shoot him my brightest smile. He cocks his eyebrow and I can see the thoughts churning in his brain. This is going to get nasty.
“Now, now, don’t be telling lies, Pinkywinky, you know that you were the one who was chasing me. Sending me all sorts of suggestive notes and… let’s just say, undergarments that had not been through the wash yet.”
The bastard.
“Well, Thumbdoodle, that was only after we had gotten together, you know, after your operation.” I nod for emphasis.
“Operation?” Both Greg and Linda ask, forks forgotten, hovering halfway to their mouths.
“Well, yes, we don’t like to talk about it, but you guys won’t tell anyone, will you?”
They shake their heads even as the drool collects in the corner of their mouths.
“Well, my Applewafflekins here,” and I lean in, and pause, before whispering, “Had a third testicle.”
Next to me I hear Sebastian choke, spitting out his drink. I reach over and pat him gently on the back.
“Are you OK, Snickerpie?” I ask, my voice dripping with honey.
“Oh, um, yes, just fine. I just didn’t realize that this drink had alcohol in it. You know, you shouldn’t be drinking alcohol, Waffletoes.”
I shake my head, this has gone too far, abort, abort, I beg him with my eyes.
“Why can’t she have alcohol?” Greg asks, his ass barely touching his seat.
“Well, she’s pregnant, of course.”
“OHYMYGOD!!! CONGRATULATIONS!” Linda shrieks.
“Oh no, it’s not mine.” Sebastian waves his hands in front of us. And I brace myself for what’s coming. “It’s her cousin’s, I mean, her ex-lover’s. But he left her for his next door neighbor’s dog walker, so that’s why we got married. I’m gonna take care of this little lady and her three babies.”
And he reaches over and pat me, my stomach specifically, and my ex-lover cousin’s unborn triplet babies.
The two sets of eyes across the table finally blink after a few seconds and turn towards each other, jaws barely clearing the table.
We take this moment to run.
“Oohh, um, honey, I don’t feel so well,” I moan, kicking Sebastian under the table.
“Oh, her morning sickness has been terrible, I better take her back to her room. You two enjoy the breakfast now, it’s on me! Enjoy the rest of your trip.”
I jump out of my chair and try not to run out of the hotel restaurant, careful not to drop the imaginary fetuses, pushing open the entrance doors and turning the corner just in time to let out the giant guffaw I’d been holding in.
Sebastian catches up with me, his hands covering his mouth and I’m wondering how he can hold his laughter in. He’s shaking his head and he just keeps running back to our villa. He disappears down the walkway and about ten second later I hear a roar of laughter.
The sound of him laughing sets me off again and I bend over at the hip, trying to breathe between my laughter. It’s a good five minutes before I can just barely make my way back to our room.
SEBASTIAN
“Ready to go?” I nudge her with my toe.
“No.” She mumbles, her face still buried in the cushion.
“Well, we have no choice.” I remind her.
“Sure, we do. We can stay. We can go live with that kangaroo family. We can take turns sleeping in her front bag.”
I kneel down and gently stroke her hair. She purrs and it sends shivers through my body.
“It’s time to go, baby.”
“Don’t YOU want to stay?”
“More than you know. But not more than I want to go back to our lives… so I can show you off.”
She pauses and then sighs, heaving herself off the couch.
“Sweet talker.” She raises herself up on her tiptoes and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “We’re really going back to our lives together?”
“Yes, of course.” I tell her.
“I mean, going back together, as in, when we go back there, we’ll be together.”
“As opposed to…”
“Not being together.” She explains, but clarifying nothing.
“Right. What?”
“This is not… just for here?” She asks, her voice suddenly filled with insecurity.
I thread my fingers through hers and tell her with more conviction then I have ever said anything, “No, it’s for here, there, everywhere and in between.”
And I can see she likes the thought of that.
***
“Over here! Seb! Cadence!”
Over the bobbing heads all going in the direction of baggage claim, I can see Hank waving to us, and I wave back and lead Cadence over to him.
“Fucking hell! All hell is breaking loose! Quick, we better get you guys to the car!”
Cadence looks over at me, and I just shrug. I have as little idea about what’s going on as she has.
One of the SUVs is waiting for us at the pick-up point and I help Cadence get in first, and slide in after her. Hanks throws our bags into the trunk and climbs into the passenger seat.
“Take us back to the hotel, please.” He tells the driver and then turns to us.
“What’s going on?” We ask him.
“Come on! Like you don’t know.”
“We don’t. Hello, the only contact we’ve had with the outside world is my call to you to come pick us up.”
“So, you don’t have something to tell me? About you two?”
“Well, um, I mean…”
Cadence looks over at me. We’d agreed that we wouldn’t be making a big announcement. If one of the guys asked then we’d confirm that we were together, but for now, we’d hoped that we could fly under the radar. Of course, disappearing for three days together was going to get some tongues wagging.
“Just spit it out, Hank.”
“No way, this is Dennis’ territory, I’m just here to pick you up.” He turns and slides his earphones into his ears and tries to ignore us.
***