30

Book:PLAY ME: Love With Sexiest RockStar Published:2024-9-6

“I’ve known you for ten years now. I know everything about you. I know what you smell like during every part of the day. I know that you like no sugars in your coffee in the morning and three at night. I’ve made it my business and YOUR business to know what you want even before you want it. So I’m going to ask you one more time. Do I need to worry?”
“I said no.” I take a breath, trying to keep my voice calm. “I’ve got it under control.”
“I wish I could believe you, mate.”
That made two of us.
He’s right. I had to sort this out, once and for all.
CADENCE
It’s been three days since the incident at Patrick’s club and I’ve pretty much seen nothing but the inside of my bedroom. After I left the hotel Sarah brought me home and won’t leave my side. I had to get a doctor to come see me and tell her that I was OK to get back to my life.
A month ago I would’ve told you that laid up in bed for a half a week, what I’d miss most was my kids. But it turns out, all I could think about was the band and missing rehearsals. Missing the banter, missing the music, and yes, missing Sebastian.
What was I going to do when he wasn’t going to be a part of my life anymore?
“Watcha thinkin’ about?” Sarah asks me, her attention still on the road.
She’s offered to take me to rehearsal, and I couldn’t refuse, after everything she’d done for me.
“Um, nothing, just hoping I haven’t become too rusty after no practice for the last few days.”
“You’ll be fine, honey, they’ll understand.”
“I know, but they shouldn’t have to. I don’t want to set them back because I haven’t been up to it, this is serious stuff. It’s just some fun for me, but they’re big business. Big money.”
“Don’t we know it.” Sarah winks at me, and I cringe a little inside. Now that I know the band and the kind of people and musicians they are… and how much fun I have spending time with them, I would’ve done all of it for the experience alone.
The money is the right thing for the school. I just wonder if it was the right thing for me.
***
“He’s not here?” I ask when I get upstairs, not seeing Sebastian around.
“Um, no babe. No big deal, he, er, wasn’t feeling real well this morning.” Brad says, patting me gently on the arm.
“Is it because of me?” I ask, knowing the answer already.
“Wha? No! Jez’s paranoia’s rubbing off on you.”
I know he’s not telling the truth, but I’m not ready to make a thing of it yet.
I scared him off. That night in his bedroom after the incident, I pushed him too far. He had to help me, he’s too good to have just left, but I haven’t seen him since. He just wants to make it clear that he’s holding up his part of the bargain.
I can’t complain, I’m the one who’s held him at arm’s length for a month. And now I’m getting what I wanted all along. And now suddenly five more weeks sounds like a sentence in hell.
***
“Miss Bray?” Jenny, the orchestra’s first flute comes up to me after our weekly Friday rehearsal. A small, sweet Taiwanese girl, I’ve heard her speak maybe ten words all year. But I feel like I know her just as well as any of my kids. It’s just all our communication is through the music. She wears her heart on every note she plays.
“Jenny, is everything all right?” I feel bad once I say it, not wanting to seem so alarmed that she’s come to talk to me.
“Um, no, I don’t want to bother you but…?”
“What’s going on?”
“I don’t think I can be part of the orchestra anymore.”
I am momentarily shocked. She’s been a part of the band for four years, since year eight and now, in her final year, she’s thinking of leaving?
“But, why?”
She goes quiet, looking up at me, and I can see tears starting to fall.
I lay my hand gingerly on her shoulder and lead her to some chairs. She sits down and I reach over to squeeze her hand.
“You can talk to me.”
“My parents just said I… I can’t have flute lessons anymore, they say I have to get a job instead, and, and they’re not going to be able to afford the cost to go to Nationals either. We, we just don’t have the money.” She says the last words and drops her head down, her hair falling to cover her face but I can still see it burn red with embarrassment.
“Oh, Jenny.” I don’t know what to say to her. I’m devastated for her. The problems with not being able to play flute is just part of it, I can’t imagine the burden on such a young girl to have to worry about her family’s financial problems.
I take a chance and reach out to hug her. She doesn’t pull away. Her head is still dropped but I can feel sobs wrack through her body. I don’t blame her, if I’d been told I couldn’t play in the band any more I’d react much the same way.
“Hey, hey,” I lift her chin up. “There’s nothing that says you can’t keep playing in the orchestra. We can work it out.”
“We can’t,” she whimpers, looking at me her eyes sad and wet. “My parents were very clear. I either had to be at school or working. No time for music lessons or rehearsals. And no way to afford the fee for the trip to Nationals anyway, so what’s the point in being in orchestra? Leave that spot for another student who can go, they said.”
“Would you like me to talk to them? Maybe we can work something out, I’m happy for you to have a pulled back rehearsal schedule. You are so talented, it would be such a shame for you to miss it after all the work you’ve put in.”
She just shakes her head and covers her face as her sobs grow louder. I know it’s not just about the music but that the other parts of her life weighing on her as well. It’s moments like this that make being a teacher, being so close to my students so hard. You can only help them so much.
“It’s just so unfair,” she whimpers softly and my heart breaks for her.
“Oh, Jenny,” I stroke her hair gently, letting her have her safe space to let out her frustrations. I have to bite back my own tears. Their losses and disappointments are just as much mine as their wins and achievements.
“I’m so sorry, Miss Bray, I’m so sorry,” she stands up suddenly, looking at me for a moment, then grabbing her bags and running out the door.
“Jenny!” I follow and call after her, but she’s halfway down the hallway before I even get to the doorway.
“Goddammit!” I yell to the empty room, angry that I didn’t get to help her at all.
I stand for a moment, and something breaks inside me. And the utter injustice of it all floods me.
“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!” I grab a chair and slam it down on top of another, stacking them to tidy the room.