But Sarah and I are a world apart. She married her high school sweetheart and I have more baggage than the luggage carousel at Sydney International Airport. And until today, I hadn’t had any problems sticking with my vow to avoid any and all relationships if possible. Until today, that is, until something, someone, came along and made the risk almost worth it. Almost.
“Sare, seriously. What do we think’s going to happen here? At most we have some short fling while he’s in Oz and a week from now I’m waving forlornly with my face pressed against the window as his private plane flies away and by the next news cycle I see him going to some awards show with a Kardashian?” I ask her, airing my worst fears.
“Whoa. How long have you been thinking about this?”
“Too long!!” I admit to her.
She sighs and sits down next to me, pulling on my arm and making me face her.
“Honey. Did you have a good time tonight?”
I look her in the eye and I can’t lie. “Yes.” I tell her, because I did.
l’d loved it. Everything. I’d loved everything about the evening. The going out, the spending time with my friend, the music, the attention from the sexy, crazy talented man.
“And would you have had fun tonight if I hadn’t made you come out?” She presses.
I scrunch my face up, because we both know the answer. “No.”
“And … do you like him?”
She knows she doesn’t have to ask the question. Just as I know I don’t need to answer it. We both know I haven’t had this kind of connection with a man in a long time.
“So, just trust me, you need this. Don’t I know you better than anyone?” She dares me to challenge her. The list of people who really know me at all is short, but she really is at the top of it, so I just nod.
“So take a chance! If it all goes to shit, I’ll be the first one over with a tub of hazelnut ice cream and a spoon.”
I take a deep breath. She’s right. I’ve been in hibernation, in hiding too long. I never wanted to be this person, this person who was afraid to live. I had to leave the past behind.
“Ahhhh! Let’s go!” I leap out of the seat, clutching the rosin box and note in my hand.
“Woohooo!” She yells with excitement and follows me to the backstage door.
***
“Yeah, just turn the corner and it’s the third door on your left. ” The giant wall of man labeled ‘Mark’ tells me, before winking and adding, “It’s a popular destination tonight.”
I frown and glance at Sarah. She just shrugs and pushes gently on my back.
“Come on, babe. What do you expect, he’s an important guy around here.”
That’s exactly what I was afraid of.
“Wait.” Sarah grips my arm to stop me for a moment. She runs her fingers through my hair fluffing it up a little.
“Thanks, MOM!” I stick my tongue out at her playfully, secretly glad she is here. I wouldn’t be brave enough to do this on my own.
“Not done yet,” she cups the underside of my breasts and bounces them up a bit.
“Hey!” I push her hands away and she pouts.
“Just helping!”
“Yeah, helping yourself, more like!”
She grins, not denying it. “You look beautiful. But he already knows that. What he might not know is how unpunctual you are. Come on!”
We turn the corner and come to a screaming halt.
He’s standing at his doorway, his body wrapped around a stunning, tall, blonde woman.
We watch as they pull apart, gazing at one another, unable to take their eyes off the other person. The look seems to last forever, and then they pull each other into a long tight hug again, and then he pulls her into his room to the sound of her soft laughter and shuts the door.
I can hear Sarah holding her breath next to me.
“Don’t say it.” I softly beg her.
“Say what?” She asks softly.
“Say, I should go up there anyway.”
“Ok. I wasn’t going to.”
“Just give me a minute.”
“Ok.”
I take a breath and will myself to walk to his door. Each step is harder than the last but it’s only ten more and I count them in my head. I stand outside for a second, staring at his name printed on the sheet stuck on the door, wondering how my life might’ve been different, if I’d been the one on the other side of the door, and it saddens me more than I expect. I crouch down and leave the box of rosin and the note on the floor and walk back to my friend and out of Sebastian’s life.
CADENCE
The school orchestra erupts into their finale.
One, two, three, four, my baton keeps the time while I gesture to the brass section to keep their build on the crescendo… hold it… hold it… my hand directs them… and go!
They break into an almost chaotic burst of sound. Almost. But these kids aren’t the best in this school for nothing. Controlled but fierce. They bring the epic piece to a breathtaking halt.
We all hold our breaths as the sounds fade.
Then Greyson, the first flute, jumps up and says what we’re all thinking, “Yeehaw, we all finished at the same time!”
I can’t help but join them in their laughter. But my heart weighs a little heavy with the news I’m about to have to give them.
“Great job, everyone. That was probably our best run-through yet!” I smile at them, just wanting to give them a moment to enjoy the progress they’ve made in the last two months. Putting in the extra rehearsals and even one-on-one time with me to perfect their individual parts and solos. “Kids, before you go, there’s just some news.”
The noise from their packing up stops. They know me pretty well and I guess they can hear the apprehension in my voice.
“As you know, the band trip to the Nationals is going to cost a lot. We’ve applied for our full orchestra which is almost fifty of you. So, that’s, well, it’s a lot.”
“Miss Bray…”