My mom was quiet for a moment. Well, it’s been, what, three weeks since you’ve seen each other ?
About that, yeah.
Then my guess is you’re both starting to really feel the pressure of being apart for the first time. Before you both knew when you’d be seeing each other next, but now that there’s this unknown in front of you, you’re both hyperaware of it.
Which makes sense. Except I’m scared that what I said yesterday will make him throw in the towel, I admitted, my voice cracking. I haven’t heard from him since.
I’ve only met him once, dear, but I’m a pretty good judge of character, and I don’t think Derrick would end things because of one fight.
The problem was, it wasn’t just the fight. The distance was the main issue, and it wasn’t something that could be pushed under the rug.
Then what can I do to fix things ?
I think it’s rather simple, Lia, she said. Do you love him ?
My eyes bulged at the simple question, but with the way my skin tingled and my heartbeat began to race, I knew the answer.
I do, I finally whispered, admitting it out loud for the first time, but it’s not realistic.
Sometimes love isn’t realistic, Lia, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
I just don’t know how things can work out with us being on opposite ends of the country.
If he means that much to you, you’ll find a way to make it work.
Except, it turned out, I was a scaredy cat. A wimp. A big fucking chicken.
After talking to my mom, I took a few days to get my thoughts together, which gave my friends ample time to figure out that something was off. And when they finally intervened to drag the truth out of me, I was smothered with love, empathy, and a lot more opinions.
Harper thought I should be the first one to reach out, whereas Esme was adamant I wait for him to extend an olive branch. But I couldn’t choose.
I couldn’t find the right words and didn’t know how I could both erase what I’d said in the heat of the moment and take a step toward a solution to our problems with the distance.
So I said nothing. I put all my energy into work and tried to push my relationship problems to the back of my mind, and before I knew it, over two weeks had passed without a word from Derrick.
I was deep into my pit of avoidance.
The only problem was, I had two friends who were die hard Knights fans. Which meant for years I’d gone over to their place during the playoffs to cheer on the team, and even though I knew they’d understand if I decided to bail, I didn’t want to do that.
Besides, watching the game included drinking alcohol, which I could really use.
It turned out not to be so bad, seeing as the man I didn’t want to think about no longer played for the team, but things went downhill south near the end of the third.
I was blissfully unaware of most of what was going on, content on chatting and enjoying the company of my friends on a Friday night, but I knew when Harper turned her attention back to the television screen and suddenly went silent that something was wrong.
What is it ? I asked.
Um, you might want to take a look.
Brows furrowed, I glanced at the TV, not seeing anything amiss with the game. The Knights were up by two goals in the fifth game of the series, and a win tonight would put them in the lead. But when my gaze dropped to the bottom of the screen, I saw it.
The Royals had played the sixth game in their playoff series tonight, except things had not gone so good for them. They’d lost and had officially been eliminated from the playoffs.
Shit.
Both of my friends looked my way. What are you going to do ?
The opposite of what I had been doing, because I couldn’t ignore Derrick anymore. Not when I knew how much hockey and the playoffs meant to him, especially after the rollercoaster of a season he’d had.
Pulling out my phone, I still didn’t know exactly what to say, but I figured starting off simple was a start.
I’m sorry
And after waiting hours, my heart sunk to see that while the message had been read, there was no response.
The season was over-at least for the Royals-and it was bittersweet.
I always did look forward to the time off after every season, because after working my body to its limit week in and week out during the season, having a handful of months off to recharge and simply relax always did wonders. However, this season, the vacation came earlier than I’d hoped.
Especially after the chaos these last couple of months had entailed.
I’d started the season off as a Knight, had worked my hardest to stay, and had still been traded. And while I’d thought I’d landed with an overall stronger team-the players meshed well together, the coaching staff was tough but fair, and our penalty kill was one of the highest rated in the league-I was now on the sidelines while my old team made a run for the cup.
And I was happy for my old teammates, I was, but I was also jealous. Because if things had been different, I could’ve been next to them on the ice, riding the playoffs out together.
Instead, I was in Los Angeles three days after our game six loss, cleaning out my locker until training camp started up again.
Having already thrown my equipment in the back of my truck, I was just grabbing the extra workout gear I’d stored at the rink and the junk that’d accumulated over the last two months.
Hey, Ruderman said, clapping me on the back as he walked into the room. How’s it going ?
I lifted a shoulder, zipping up the duffle that I’d brought with me. Could be better, I replied honestly. How are you taking the loss ?
It definitely sucks, but I also know there’s nothing that we can do to change it. At least this season. He smiled encouragingly. Next season though, man, we’re going to work hard to get that cup.