Taken aback by her directness, I was stunned speechless, and watched as her eyes widened once she realized what had slipped out.
I’m sorry, she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment. I’m just frustrated and-
Lia, it’s okay, I cut in. I want to know when you’re upset, even when it’s with me.
All of a sudden, the thoughts surrounding Quinn and long-distance relationships-which had been slowly making their way to the back corner of my mind-were once again front and center. Devilish and haunting, warping my ability to think clearly.
But look, I started again, carefully trying to search her features before sighing, if you’re having regrets about us…
About us ? Lia repeated. Her forehead creased and a shot of surprise flickered in her irises. Why would I be regretting us ?
I must’ve looked like a deer caught in a set of headlights as I stammered through my response. Isn’t that what you were saying ? That you’re upset I can’t be there for you ?
No, Derrick, she said sharply. I’m emotional because Miles could’ve fucked up everything I’ve worked hard for over the last five years. If I can’t rely on my latest research, then my defense won’t be nearly as strong as it could’ve been, and if I don’t nail it, the department can easily choose another candidate for the lecturing position. I’m upset and worried about my career, but now you’re telling me I should also be worried about this relationship between us not working out ?
I flinched at her words. That’s not what I meant.
Then what did you mean ? she asked. Because it sure sounded like you were suddenly having second thoughts about long-distance being able to work.
I’m-
Does it suck that you’re not here right now ? Sure. But I knew that would be a part of this going in. And I thought you did too, considering you’re the one that brought up the idea of continuing to see one another despite the fact you’re now based in Los Angeles.
I did know that.
Yet I still vividly remember you also saying that your last relationship failed because your ex thought you couldn’t balance your feelings and the distance. And maybe she was right. Those words hurt like a shot to the chest. Clearly you still have some deep-rooted issues about being able to handle a relationship, so maybe you should get those sorted out before trying to offer your shoulder for me to cry on.
There was nothing left for me to say, mostly because she clearly didn’t want to hear it. Disconnecting the chat from her end, my phone screen went black, and I was left looking at the guilt seeping into my expression.
Tossing my phone aside, I groaned loudly, leaning forward as I combed my fingers through my hair with frustration. Because if there was one thing I knew for certain, it was that I’d royally fucked that up.
When I woke up the next morning with a headache pounding behind my temples, I definitely didn’t feel any better. In a span of twenty-four hours, I’d managed to ride a truly horrific emotional rollercoaster. From elation and pride, to betrayal and heartbreak. There was a high possibility of the day being written off as the worst I’d experienced thus far, and the fact that I was meant to continue on as though I wasn’t a jumbled mess of a human seemed completely implausible.
I tried though.
Rolling out of bed, I sluggishly got ready for the day, ignoring any and all texts that came in, not wanting to take the chance of seeing Miles’ or Derrick’s names pop up on the screen. Because if I had to relive yesterday’s events before I even gulped down my morning coffee, there was a good chance I wouldn’t make it out of the house.
Instead, I drowned everything out. Putting my headphones in, I scrolled through the playlists saved to my phone until I found the one filled with throwback jams and turned the volume up. There was no room for unwanted thoughts while classic lyrics invaded my mind.
When I pulled into my usual parking spot at the university an hour later, however, I couldn’t bury my head in the sand any longer. I needed to at least work to settle one of the storms in my life and deal with Miles. After all, there was no avoiding him. We shared an office. However, being that it was Thursday, I had one final class to teach before finals started, which meant I had a few hours to psych myself up and plan how to go about the confrontation before it happened.
Though with the amount of questions my students had, I didn’t really get a chance to do either.
Riding the elevator up on the way up to the office, I couldn’t help but fidget. My foot was tapping impatiently, and I fiddled with the zipper on my bag, taking a deep breath as the doors opened and I stepped out. Heading down the hall, I felt like a young kid walking toward their parents, knowing they were in trouble, when I should’ve been feeding the rage inside of me.
But I wasn’t a confrontational person, and a situation like this was honestly one of my worst nightmares.
Biting my lip, I silently chanted You can do this. You can do this.
Only to open the door and see an empty office.
Truly empty-at least on Miles’ side.
My side remained untouched, but on his side, only the desk, chair, and computer monitor remained. There were no papers sprawled across the desk, no sticky notes lining the side of the monitor, and no books piled off to the side.
Setting my bag on top of my own desk, my forehead crinkled with confusion as I took a seat, looking around for a clue as to what had happened. Before I could jump to any conclusions, however, footsteps sounded in the hallway, and moments later, Professor Klein knocked on the door.
I straightened in my seat. Good morning, Professor.
Morning, she replied, and it wasn’t hard to miss the tightness in her jaw. Or how her response failed to confirm the morning was indeed good.
I gulped, casting my gaze downward. Professor, I-
It was clear there was nothing I could say to stop the direction this conversation was headed, as she raised her hand, cutting me off. Lia, she started firmly, clasping her hands in front of her, I realize yesterday’s events may have been overwhelming and cause for an investigation, but I wanted to let you know, before you heard elsewhere, that the department has decided to not look into the conclusions and next steps Miles presented in his defense.