NALEDI’S POV
I felt ashamed of myself.
As I looked into the mirror, staring at the two dotted lines that were permanently etched into my skin. Caellum’s mark.
It’s been three days since my heat wave. I had not left my room since that dreaded day. The day I let everything go wrong. I made him do it. I betrayed my family. I took the mark of their killer’s son and there was no going back from it.
I remember the feeling of him sinking his fangs into me. The lock that clicked in place between us. The sober expression I held when I realised what I had done.
When I realised how weak I had been, how I had lost to the monster heat and let it achieve its purpose. How Caellum had been right, and I wrong. Wrong to have allowed it happen.
Wrong to have exploited the soft heart I knew he had towards me. And most definitely wrong to have turned immediately after, detached from him and let him fuck me while knowing that I regretted what he had done.
I didn’t mark him. He didn’t ask me to. I couldn’t.
Not when I was ripped by hate, anger and regret over what I had done. Not when all I could see was his stupid father’s face, mocking and hissing at my inability to control myself.
Not when my parents and the entire Roger pack were currently rolling in their graves in anger for how terribly I had betrayed them by letting the enemy mark me.
Not when my heart ripped apart from the fact I wanted to, from the fact I really wanted to have him but I couldn’t. If there was one thing this heat did to me, it was to affirm and clarify certain things.
I didn’t hate Caellum. I couldn’t hate him no matter how I tried. If I was to be honest with myself, I knew exactly what I felt for him. But that’s the problem, isn’t it? I was never going to be honest with myself.
Because the moment I got honest with myself, everything I stand for will be tested. My core values, plans and everything that made me Naledi Rogers would be tested.
And that was honestly not the problem. The problem was that I knew, I was too darned sure that if they were tested, I wouldn’t make it. My defeat would be epic, more epic than how I lost to my heat wave, and I just wasn’t ready for that.
I could never be ready for that. And that was why I did the only thing I could. I threw myself back to work on the plan that got me going when he left me to rot in my room. The plan to revenge everything that the Cosa Nostra had cost me.
The plan was to make Arturo Morello regret everything he has done, and in extension, his son, Caellum. I had to mark him as the enemy because that was the only way I could go on with the plan I had started with Nicolai.
That was the only way to silence the emotions that fought against my decision. That was the only way to end this madness once and for all.
I was going back to work today. I had told Matteo of my resumption the previous day and he gave me a nod. I was tempted to ask of Caellum, who I wore his mark and gained a bit more standing and respect in the sight of his members.
Only for it to become a look of confusion when they found he didn’t have the same. His mark connected one side of the bond. Strengthened our need for each other and downright connected us on a deeper level.
But the lack of my mark made it go one way. Caellum’s mark will undoubtedly make him more loving, and loyal and all of those gooey matey feelings would be a lot more increased if not over the top.
However, on my end, it was almost the same as before. Except I was overly aware that I belonged to someone, and these days everyone else looked like a bag of beans. No attraction whatsoever.
Caellum became my spec. Caellum and everything he embodies.
I felt stronger as I headed out to carry my business. When I met with the men assigned to follow me for my deliveries, I was glad Korah hadn’t been one of them.
For some reason, I just couldn’t stomach having her around me. The last time we saw, she proved to me exactly where her loyalties were, and since I was beginning my new plan and deal with Nicolai, the last thing I needed was her breathing down my nose or discovering just where my loyalties were.
As I drove out of the house, I felt a bit of relief, going about the day’s business with a newfound strength. Whenever the men saw the mark on my neck, I watched them sniff around me, only for their eyes to widen when they caught the scent of Caellum.
Yes, Folks. Your girl was out here smelling like one brooding Alpha. Talk about loss of individuality. I could also sense that I reeked of Caellum. With the mark, heat and all the fucking sex we had, I’d be worried if I didn’t.
Except now I wasn’t carrying out my job effectively because I could, but because these men accorded me the same respect, fear and attention they did Caellum. Making it hard to make an example of anyone, or even learn from experience.
Everything seemed like a walk in the park. Wake up, get your coke, get on the road, get the money, return to the headquarters, hide in your room until the next day, rinse, repeat.
The only bright side of this new life of mine was that no one seemed to be all about me. It felt like everyone was walking on eggshells around me now. They were already treating me like some figurehead and it made it all too easy to get access to information.
Information that should raise suspicion when asked was dished out to me without a moment’s thought. Which made my big plan with Nicolai proceed without hindrance.
Other than the terrible guilt that wrecked me from what I was planning, the need to get within Caellum’s eyesight, and have him balls-deep inside me, things were going well for me. I guess.