My jaw falls open in surprise. I try to form words but it truly feels like my brain is failing me. I’d like to think that I have met many crazy men, but never one as crazy as Brandon. The fact that this is the response he can come up with makes me begin to question the wisdom of agreeing to marry this man. I know that he didn’t exactly give me a choice, but could I really not have run away? How difficult would it have been to walk in front of a train?
“What?” I ask exasperated.
“You heard me, Natalie. I can no longer share bed space with you. I need my space. Also, I don’t care whether you’re happy or bored. Cut all ties with that man. You will no longer see him.”
“You can’t stop me from seeing him,” I respond defiantly.
“Oh yes, I can, Natalie.” He closes the laptop in his lap and leans forward. “You see, the problem with you is that you underestimate me. You have no idea what I’m capable of doing, Natalie. I wonder how you’d feel if your friend suddenly got accosted by a group of thugs and beaten to a pulp. Or imagine how you’d feel if he suddenly lost his job because his boss got a call from a certain someone complaining about him.” He finishes with a sadistic smile.
This time when I speak, my voice is barely above a whisper. “You wouldn’t do that.”
He continues to stare at me while I feel my heart plummet down to my stomach. Who is this man? Why does he always resort to threats and manipulation? How did I even get here? With a hand on my chest as though I am trying to protect my beating heart from falling to the ground, I keep my eyes on him.
Ensuring that I do not lose eye contact with him, I walk towards the bed that he is lying on, stand to stare at him again, and then get slowly into the furthest corner of the bed. With my back turned towards him, I close my eyes, and begin to think of the life that I led when my father was alive. Michael Hayes was the kindest man I knew. He loved me to a fault, and when he was alive, he taught me that people were to be respected. All my life, I thought I understood people but Brandon? He defies all forms of logic.
I think back to the wonderful days that I spent in Cranes Island. The simple life we led, the beautiful scenery, the friendship I shared with Robin, the way that everyone on the small island seemed to consider one another family. I feel the first drop of tears roll down my cheeks and draw breath into my lungs to avoid making a sound. To let him know that he can make me cry would be to admit weakness.
In truth, it is not Brandon’s decision that we can no longer share a room or his threat to hurt Robin that is causing the tears. It is the knowledge that this is how it’s going to be from now; for the next 5 years at least. Even on days when I somehow manage to find happiness, I’ll come home and find it gone because this selfish man has a problem with it. Now more than ever, I long for the simplicity of my old life. I long for the solitude of the tiny apartment I got when I moved to Seattle. I long for Hailey’s arms around my shoulders.
I don’t want his stupid room, I think. I want to move out. I want the space I asked for the morning after we got married, but I do not want to do it because Brandon thinks so little of me that he thinks threatening my friend right after declaring that he no longer wants to share bed space with me is the response I deserve when what I asked was an entirely different thing. He knew exactly what he was doing. He just wanted to shut me up.
I wish I could talk to Hailey now. She would know just what to say to me, but I don’t want to be totally dependent on Hailey. I want to learn to fight my battles without dragging her into them. I want to be stronger than I am right now. When I finally drift off to sleep, I dream of my father showing me how to bake a cake. He smiles brightly at me and reminds me that I am his princess. I wake up with tears on my cheeks. Brandon’s heavy snoring reaches me from his side of the bed, and I climb out and head towards the kitchen. What I need is a cup of coffee.
When Sarah walks into the kitchen that morning, she finds me with a cup of coffee in my hands and a tear streaked face. She immediately switches from servant to friend and tries to inquire what is wrong with me. I wipe my face dry and assure her that I am fine. I do not want anyone else to see me in tears.
No, I don’t actually believe that Brandon would have Robin beaten up, but he could take away his job. I know that much. I cannot say with total conviction that I will no longer see Robin but I will keep my distance for now. I decide to take the day off from work. With how fond the servants are of me, it is easy to convince them to help me move my stuff to a smaller room. I don’t bother waiting to ask Brandon or his mother if it’s fine for me to move in there. I just do.
When Rebecca Martinez walks into the living room, she finds a chatty Miguel rolling my suitcase into the small room at the base of the stairs. I don’t notice her presence until I see Miguel raise his head just his chest out before bowing slightly to acknowledge her presence.
“What’s happening here, Natalie?”
“Nothing, ma’am. Brandon and I have just decided to split rooms.” I say, feigning a smile.
Her tone takes on a hint of worry. “But how are you going to give me grandchildren if you’re splitting rooms?”
I let a small laugh escape from my lips before reassuring her that our decision to occupy different rooms does not affect our personal lives. If she only knew that she wouldn’t be getting grandchildren anytime soon. Certainly not from me, anyway. We’re already at the table when Brandon comes down for breakfast. Throughout the meal, he avoids my gaze. I think the chairwoman figures afterward that something is wrong because, after breakfast, she calls me to remind me that misunderstandings are only expected in a relationship. Oh! If she only knew.
In truth, I sometimes think she does. The way that she seems to be oblivious to Brandon’s and my differences, one would almost forget that it was she who walked into Giancarlo a little over a month ago and threw this offer of marriage in my face. After Brandon leaves for work, I settle into my new room and begin to tweak a few things to make the space more personal.
When Hailey stops by after work later that evening, I am not surprised. I was expecting her. She walks into my new room and envelopes me in a hug.
“Looks like you finally got the extra space you so desperately wanted.” She chirps.
“Looks like I did,” I say quietly. Of course, she notices that something is up.
“What’s wrong?”
Throwing my decision to be more independent and fight my battles myself in the bin, I delve into the details of the past 24 hours to Hailey. When I am done, she looks me up and down before speaking.
“You can’t let him away you with threats, Nat. You’re stronger than that. Next time he tries it, throw in a few threats of your own.”
“What could I possibly threaten him with, Hae? I haven’t got anything on him.”
She stares at me for a full minute before responding. “Threaten him with a divorce,” Hailey says resolutely.