As I watched everyone walk away down the corridor, I took a deep breath and stepped in to the room. With my back facing Noah, I shut the door and tried to get a hold of myself. There was nothing but guilt coursing through me and I was almost too afraid to look at him. When he had been awake earlier he hadn’t been able to say anything but a small part of me was scared. Taking another breath, I turned around and met Noah’s eyes.
It was like I was truly seeing him for the first time. My eyes brimmed with tears as I stood there, and I wrapped my arms around my waist. He was under the sheets up to his chest, but he was sitting up and looking right at me. There was no expression on his face and for a moment I felt truly terrified. And then everything just came flooding out of me.
Noah, I’m so sorry, I cried, sobs wracking my body as I lost control, all of the memories coming to the forefront of my mind. I didn’t want you to come for me. All I wanted was to keep you safe. That was all I wanted. I glanced up and he was just staring at me, his face still blank. When Pete held that knife to my throat, the only thing I could think of was you. And this past week has been the worst one of my life. I prayed everyday that you would wake up, but you never did.
I wiped my eyes as the tears cascaded down my cheeks, and I couldn’t even look at him anymore. Unwrapping my arms from around myself, I looked down at the floor, my rapidly beating heart feeling like it was going to jump out of my chest. I thought I’d lost you and it’s all because of me. My life wasn’t worth saving, not when it could have cost you yours. I love you more than anything and the thought of losing you breaks my heart.
Sobbing quietly, I glanced up at Noah, afraid I’d still see the same blank expression on his face. But as I looked up at him he did something completely unexpected. He smiled at me. And it was one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen. He held his hand out, and it looked like it caused him pain so I ran over quickly, too afraid that he would hurt himself.
L -Lily, he rasped, barely audible.
Just that single word caused the tears to flow even harder. I stood beside his bed and I clenched my eyes shut as he reached out and took my hand. Love you, he whispered, squeezing my hand like he had done when he had first woken up.
I love you too, I cried. More than anything.
I opened my eyes and wiped the tears away, really looking at him for the first time. He was still smiling, and gazing up at me with his beautiful eyes. Lie w-with me.
I don’t want to hurt you, I whispered, still holding on to his hand, not ever wanting to let it go.
But he just repeated it again and I couldn’t say no. He never let go of my hand as I laid down beside him as carefully as I could, so I woudn’t brush up against any of the wires. His wound was on the other side, and our bodies were not touching. But as I led down and put my face on the pillow, his face was only an inch from mine. He turned his head towards me and I saw tears in his eyes too. Leaning forward gently, I pressed my lips against his for a brief moment before pulling back. His eyes had closed, but the smile was still on his face.
That night I slept all the way through until morning, laying beside Noah. I never let go of his hand, and he never let go of mine. I didn’t have a nightmare. In fact, I didn’t dream at all.
Because I knew that Noah was there, just like he promised he would be.
Noah :
The last few days passed by in a blur, filled with numerous neurological and physical tests. It was draining and mentally exhausting, but sitting in the hospital bed with my family surrounding me, things seemed to finally be looking up. Lily had never left my side, even when my family told her to leave and get some rest. And even when I told her to, she just wouldn’t go.
I smiled to myself as I watched everyone chatting and laughing. Lily was sitting on the bed next to me, her fingers entwined with mine like always. JJ was sitting in between us and our hands were resting in his lap. My parents were chatting to Jackie and Rich, huge grins on their faces. Watching everyone looking so happy and relaxed was wonderful to see, so I didn’t want to ruin it for them. And I especially didn’t want to ruin it for Lily.
I turned towards her. She still took my breath away. Just like she had done the very first time I had laid my eyes on her. She was laughing as Jackie chatted to her, and her smile was the very thing that I had been waiting to see.
If she knew I still had flashbacks, her smile wouldn’t be as bright so for now, I’d deal with it on my own. Lily was my priority, just like she always would be. I was still looking at her as she glanced in my direction, a small smile on her face. Her eyes met mine and I squeezed her hand, reassuring her that I was okay. But as JJ shifted on the bed slightly, a sharp pain tore through my side and I cried out, clenching my eyes shut as the shooting pain coursed through my entire body.
JJ, I told you to be careful, my mother scolded, before reaching over and pulling him off the bed carefully. Let’s just give Noah some space. You can sit on my lap for a while.
I didn’t mean to, JJ cried, tears pooling in his eyes.
I opened one eye as the jolting pain subsided. Taking a deep breath, I looked at him and plastered on a smile, despite the ache I felt running through my side. Relax little man, I grinned, trying my hardest to ignore the pain. These things happen, there’s no need to worry about it.
But my smile faltered as JJ continued to sob quietly. If there was one thing I couldn’t bear, it was seeing my little brother cry. Reaching out my arm gingerly towards my mum, I motioned to the bed and whispered quietly. Let him stay with me. It’s okay.
We’re just worried about you, my father said softly, patting JJ on the shoulder as he continued to cry. We don’t want to do anything to make your injuries any worse.
I nodded in understanding, but I was still unwilling to see JJ unhappy. Come on buddy, come on back over here, I said, grinning when he looked up from my mother’s shoulder, his eyes red. You want to know something ?
What ? he asked.
Well, it’s your hugs that are making be better.
Really ? he whispered, his eyes widnening as he looked up at me. They are ?
Lily scooted off the bed and took a seat in the empty chair. I watched as she lifted JJ from my mother’s lap and placed him beside me as carefully as she could. Oh he’s telling the truth buddy, Lily smiled. Your hugs are like magic.
Laughing softly, I held out my hand and JJ placed his in mine gingerly. His eyebrows furrowed as he concentrated on moving slowly so he wouldn’t hurt me. Man, I really loved that kid. Once he was settled, my eyes met Lily’s and I smiled at her. She hadn’t left the room in almost two weeks and had relied on Dean and Jen to bring her the things she needed. Lily didn’t have an ounce of makeup on, and her hair was all over the place and she was just dressed in her grey sweats and her t-shirt, but she still looked like the same beautiful girl that had stolen my heart.
She was the reason I was still here. She was my reason to live, and I hope she knew it. So, Noah, Dean interrupted suddenly. When do you think you’ll be allowed home ?
I don’t know, I said honestly, hoping it was soon. But I need to get out of here. The hospital food here sucks.
Everyone laughed and JJ grinned up at me. The Jello is nice. It was strawberry yesterday.
Well I wouldn’t know if it’s nice, would I ? I frowned, trying to look serious and totally failing. Because my little brother stole the Jello from me. And you know, it’s supposed to be for sick people.
You shouldn’t be such a softie then, should you ? Lily grinned, a hint of amusement in her eyes.
I grinned back at her and just took a minute to glance around the room. Everyone else resumed chatting to eachother, but I just sat there quietly, thoughts running through my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about the day it happened ; the day I had almost died…and the day I had almost lost her. It was a vivid memory, one that I knew I would never forget. Every time I remembered, a cold feeling ran up my spine.
I know you all said I should focus on getting better for now, I said suddenly, everything overwhelming me. But it’s been four days since I woke up and none of you have talked about it. Or what’s going to happen to to….
His name was on the tip of my tongue, but I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I felt Lily’s hand rest on my knee, and just knowing that she was close to me calmed me down like nothing else could. We don’t need to talk about it, Jackie whispered, pain flashing in her eyes. Once you can go home, we’ll see. But we just want you to focus on getting better.
Your sister’s right, my father nodded. You almost died son, worrying about what happened isn’t going to change anything.
I opened my mouth to protest but it was at that moment that the door opened and the doctor appeared, a strange look on his face. What’s up doctor A ? I smiled, lifting my hand to wave and momentarily forgetting that I still couldn’t quite manage it.
Another sharp pain shot through my body and I winced, biting my lip to stop myself from crying out. My eyes were clenched shut as I waited for the pain to subside. Everyone had turned towards the doctor and hadn’t noticed, but as I opened my eyes and looked up I saw that Lily was looking right at me, her eyes filled with concern.