26

I shook my head quickly, glancing towards Lily still wrapped around me. Without saying another word, I walked past Dean and went to my bedroom. I could feel his eyes staring at my back, but I didn’t look over my shoulder, I just walked in to my room and shut the door behind me. My bedroom was dark, but the glow from the street lamps below was peaking in through the curtains.
Stepping over to my bed, I leant forward and gently placed Lily down, unwrapping her arms from my neck. Still leaning over her, I brushed the hair away from her face, trailing my thumb along her jaw. I knew that I should have taken her back to her apartment, but for some reason, I just couldn’t do it. Glancing at her one last time, I pulled the duvet over her and quietly left the room, shutting the door behind me.
Dean was still sitting on the sofa, a peculiar look on his face, like he was confused about something. What’s Lily doing here ? He asked quietly ; when he saw me walk back in to the living room.
I just sighed loudly, running my hand through my hair. She’s sleeping, I said, not wanting to say anything that Lily wouldn’t want me to.
Yeah, he frowned, looking at me like I was complete moron. But why is she sleeping here ?
I just smiled a little, and walked past him to the front door. Because I can’t let her go, I mumbled under my breath, surprised at my own words.
Where are you going ? Dean yawned, getting up from the sofa and staring at me with tired eyes.
I’ve left something behind of Lily’s, I’m just going to go and get it, I replied, walking in to the hallway. Just go catch some Z’s Dean, you look beat.
Yeah, sure thing dude, he smiled, a strange look of curiosity on his face.
Nodding, I shut the door quietly and jogged back up the stairs and on to the roof. It felt strange, empty without Lily. The breeze had picked up, despite me only being gone for a few minutes. Walking to other side of the sofa, I picked up the guitar and stared at it. Lily only seemed to play it when she was sad, and I wanted nothing more than to change that.
Strumming the strings with my fingertips, I smiled when the sounds echoed around the roof. I loved to play the guitar, and I was good at it too. But I hadn’t told Lily yet, I was waiting for the right time to play her something. Taking one last look over the city, I dropped the guitar to my side and walked back down to the apartment, not wanting to be away from Lily for too long.
When I opened the door to the apartment again, I saw that it was dark, Dean obviously having gone to bed. Tiptoeing through the darkened apartment, I opened my bedroom door. Lily was in the exact same position as I had left her, breathing softly in to the pillow. The duvet had been pulled up though, all the way to her shoulders. Gently setting the guitar down on the floor, I walked over to the bed. I shrugged off my hoodie, so I was just in my flannel pyjamas and a t-shirt.
Taking a deep breath, I lowered myself on the bed, slipping in between the covers. My heart was beating faster, like I was scared. And in truth, maybe I was, because I had never had a girl sleep in my bed before. Never, so the feeling was completely new to me. But as I turned and stared at Lily, I knew that I had nothing to be scared about. Turning on my side, I edged my chest against her back and slipped my arm around her, pulling her in close. She curved in to me unconsciously, and I smiled as she began to snore softly. And as I listened to the sound of Lily’s steady breathing, I soon fell asleep too, with Lily still pressed against me.
**7 HOURS LATER : 8AM**
I yawned loudly, stretching my arms out beside me. My bedroom was bathed in light, and glancing towards the clock on the wall, I saw that it was already eight in the morning. But as my gaze shifted, I noticed something else. Lily’s guitar, the one that I had placed on the floor last night ; it was gone. Frowning, I realized that my room sounded too quiet.
Turning over, I saw that the bed was empty. Lily was gone. Jumping out quickly, I shrugged off my pyjamas and quickly got dressed in to a pair of jeans and a red jumper. Striding out in to the living room, I saw Dean sitting on the sofa, a bowl of cereal in hand.
Where’s Lily ? I asked, glancing around the apartment.
Oh, well good morning to you too, he said sarcastically, looking me up and down. Look, Lily’s not here, she left.
She left ? I repeated, wondering why she didn’t say goodbye or anything.
Yeah, Dean nodded, taking a huge mouthful of cereal. It was weird, she left at like six in the morning. The only reason I heard her was because I got up to go to the bathroom.
She left at 6’o clock in the morning ? I mumbled to myself, wondering why she had left so early.
But Dean had obviously heard me, as he looked up from his cereal and nodded. Yeah, but she didn’t look good Noah. It looked like she was crying.
Goddamn it ! Without saying another word, I strode over to the front door and opened it, leaving a confused Dean behind me. Knocking on Lily’s door, I waited impatiently for her to answer, so I was surprised when Jen opened the door instead.
Is Lily there ? I asked without preamble, glancing over her shoulder.
She just shook her head, refusing to meet my eye. You need to give her a bit of time Noah.
Screw that, I growled, noticing Lily’s guitar on the couch.
I stalked past Jen and pointed at the guitar. Look Noah, sometimes Lily remembers things and she needs time alone to sort her head out. She always comes back.
Please, I pleaded, I just need to find her.
Why Noah ? Jen asked, looking at me just like Dean had. You’ve known her for a couple of weeks…
I just need to find her okay ! I shouted, my frustration boiling her. Because I’m falling in
I stopped abruptly, realizing what I was about to say. No, that couldn’t be possible. I don’t feel that. I don’t, I thought, trying to convince myself. Shaking the thought away, I looked up at Jen, who was staring wide eyed at me. Trying to ignore the look she was giving me, I pleaded.
Please, I whispered, clenching my jaw.
Jen sighed and nodded at me, finally relenting. And when she told me where Lily was, my heart broke for her.
……………………………..
Lily POV :
I leant against the old oak tree, staring at the place that I always ran too when the memories came flooding back. The sun was rising, and as the light fell on my face, I closed my eyes. I had been standing here for almost two hours, and I still hadn’t walked over. But as I leant back against the old tree, I took a deep breath, willing myself to move forward.
When I opened my eyes again, I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked over, slowly. It was completely empty, it was too early for anyone to be here, so I was on my own. Whenever I visited, I always made sure I would be alone. As I reached the place, I stared down, hatred coursing through me. I was at my father’s grave.
It was only a short ride from my apartment, but for that short journey, the memories wouldn’t leave me. I had a feeling they would never leave me. California had been my home before, before I came back. Jen had been my childhood friend. I had spent many nights having sleepovers at her house, just to avoid going home. Avoiding my father’s beatings. But when I’d finally had enough, I ran. I ran all the way to Indiana. And I never looked back.
I read the gold writing on the gravestone :
John Masters, Beloved Husband and Father
And as I repeated those words over and over, I felt my eyes begin to go misty. Goddamn you, I whispered, the tears beginning to fall from my eyes.
I didn’t even try to wipe them away, and as they fell down my face, my sadness turned in to anger. Beloved father, I laughed, You were a Goddamn son of a bitch ! I yelled, my fists clenching.
Stepping forward, I kicked the headstone as hard as I could. A jolt of pain shot through my foot, but I couldn’t stop. I could never stop so I just lashed out, kicking it over and over again. But it didn’t help. As the energy drained out of me, I collapsed in front of the grave, my hair falling over my face.
You ruined everything, I whispered, unable to stop the tears.
As my breath caught in my throat, I looked down at the grass, willing myself to stop. To just stop coming here, but I couldn’t. I always came, to remind myself that he was really gone, that he could never hurt me, or beat me ever again. And every time I looked at his grave, I was glad.
All of a sudden, I felt someone step up beside me. I didn’t need to look up to see who it was. Hey Noah, I whispered, my eyes looking up towards the headstone.