180

Flynn
Nadia’s hand is clammy in mine as we weave through the party. I’ve already been offered drugs five times. I normally wouldn’t be counting. I also normally wouldn’t have declined the offers, but something about Nadia’s fragility makes me want to stay sober.
Story would be proud of me. She’s here at the party with Oleg. The whole Russian contingent came. Probably because no one trusts me with Nadia, which shouldn’t irritate the fuck out of me. It’s true that I’m not the most reliable guy. I party too much. Sleep around. Shirk responsibilities other than music, and even with that, I suck at the business end of things.
Thank fuck it’s actually starting to pay the bills. Ever since we did the music for Skate 32, the Youtube famous skateboard stars, we’ve really taken off. Our self-produced album gets a lot of downloads, and we’re booked two to four nights a week at different venues in town. Story’s even talking about us going on a low-budget tour this summer. For the first time in my life, I have more money in my pocket than I need for monthly expenses, and it feels great.
The party builds steam. Someone puts on some music, and at least twenty people crowd in the small apartment.
I don’t think this scene is working for Nadia, but I can’t really think of a better one.
I don’t want to ask her back to my place because that would just end up with us hooking up, which feels wrong. Not because her brother said he’d kill meand I do believe he’d try. He probably wouldn’t even let her leave here with me.
Same as I would’ve kicked Ty or Lake’s asses if they ever tried anything with my sister. I know they’re not worthy, and I wouldn’t let them even think about trying. And believe me, I know they wanted to. Before she met her giant Russian protector, that is.
I’m not worthy of Nadia, either. I hook up with girls a lot. Okay, all the time. But I don’t stick. I don’t do relationships. Case in pointCandice-Cadence. Whatever her name is. I had sex with her last week. And it was the second timea big mistake. One-and-done is a much better policy. Twice is pushing it. Three times, and they think you’re married.
But Lake is here, and he’s into her, so I’m hoping her interest will shift in that direction. That was the real reason I suggested early in the night that Candice-Cadence host a party. Of course, that was before I knew Nadia was coming out.
Nadia, the beautiful, skittish Russian whose defenses I’m dying to penetrate. I don’t know anything about her, but I can tell she’s full of potential. There’s this flickering glow she tries to hide under hunched shoulders and avoided eye contact. I saw it the first time we met. There’s a brilliance that started to show itself tonight in her new haircut and bold eyeliner. And I want to be around when it comes out.
So that means not doing the one-and-done thing with her. Being a friend. Sticking around longer than one night.
So no sex, despite the fact that she’s one hundred percent my type. I know I could rock her world and get her to forget all her fears if I just had her underneath me for an hour.
I find a perch on the arm of a couch and tug Nadia to sit in front of me. It’s not quite on my lap, but we are nested together, her ass against my angled hips, my arm around her waist. I breathe in her scent, which has warm undertones like butterscotch.
I washed up in the bathroom at Rue’s and changed into a clean shirt in the van, but I still wish I’d had a shower. If I were high right now, I’d probably just go be-bop into the bathroom and help myself. But I’m not high, and I’m not leaving Nadia on her own. Not when I can see her back heaving with too-quick breaths. I lean forward, my hand tightening against her belly. “Let’s play the storyteller game,” I say in her ear.
She turns her head in my direction, and the corners of her mouth lift. “What is that?”
“It’s a game my sisters and I used to play when we were bored. An add-on game. Each person adds a new line to the story.”
“You have more than one sister?”
“Yes, Dahlia is the baby. She’s in college in Wisconsin. The only normal one in the family.”
“Okay, let’s play.”
“I’ll start. One time when I was young, I saw a grasshopper.”
Nadia gives an embarrassed laugh. “And…since I did not know what a grasshopper was, I ate it.”
I chuckle. “But then I learned a grasshopper is an insect, so I quickly spit it back out.”
Nadia’s face splits into a full smile. She twists to look at me, laughing, her nose wrinkled. “Gross. I’m sorry.”
I shake my head dismissively. “Keep going.”
“Okay…this grasshopper turned out to be magical.”
“It changed into rainbow colors.”
“And then it spoke. It said I will grant you one wish.”
I nudge a lock of Nadia’s hair out of her eyes. “And what did you wish for?” I change the game.
She swallows with effort, her lashes fluttering as she meets my eye and then looks down. “I wish to never be afraid again.”
My chest aches. “I wish that toofor you.”
“What would you wish for yourself?”
I spread my arms and quirk a smile. “To fly!” I say with a grin. “Isn’t that everyone’s default wish?”
She rolls her eyes, but her laugh is throaty and rich. It makes me want to win it at least one hundred times tonight. To make her laugh and laugh until she forgets all her cares. Everything that caused the pain behind those expressive brown eyes.
“What’s up, party people?” Lake hands me and Nadia shot glasses and pours cheap tequila in them.
Nadia looks to me for guidance.
I waver. Loosening her up isn’t the worst idea. “Do you like tequila?”
She looks lost. “I have not had?”
Lake tucks the bottle under his arm and waves a salt shaker. “I have salt!”
“What are you, like the tequila fairy?” I ask.
“Yep.”
“Where are the limes?” I demand.
Lake shrugs. “No limes. She’ll have to kiss your sour pucker for that.”
I inwardly wince. For once, I’m not trying to get laid. But it’s damn hard to resist when her gaze goes to my lips like she’s wondering how I’d measure up.
Well, I am here to show her a good time. One kiss never hurt anyone.
I hold out my palm. “Give me your hand, Nadia.”
I’m grateful when she doesn’t hesitate. She holds it out to me with a smile. I take her fingers and spread her thumb wide, trying not to think about spreading other parts of her to give access to my tongue. I bring her hand to my lips and suck the webbing between her thumb and forefinger.
She startles and holds her breath, but seems entranced rather than repulsed.
When it’s thoroughly wet, I pull back and hold my hand out for the salt shaker. Lake gives it to me with a smirk. He’s seen me do this routine at least three hundred times. I don’t know why he likes to watch. I guess because I make it into a spectacle, and everyone around gets horny.
It’s a party trick.
I shake salt on her moistened skin, then quickly repeat the action to my own thumb pocket. Holding her gaze, I show by example how it’s done, slowly sucking the salt off my thumb. I wait until she mimics me, and then we both down our shots at the same time.
“Whew!” She shudders, her mouth screwing up.
“I know. You’re supposed to suck a lime now to finish it off. Do you want a kiss?” I’m already reaching for the back of her head, but I would stop and rewind in a heartbeat if she showed any indication of not wanting it.
She nods, her gaze lowering to my lips again. I tug her face to mine and slant my lips over hers, stroking them softly. I tease the seam of her mouth with the tip of my tongue, and she gives me entry, letting me slide my tongue in. She returns the kiss tentatively, letting me lead. I take my time and explore the softness of her mouth, the tangle of our tongues. The lingering salt and tequila taste.
“Hey, I want some of that,” Cadence purrs beside us, draping one hand over my shoulder. Lake closes in next to her, giving me a help-out-a-bro look.
I guess Cadence is smart. She goes for Nadia, not me, and leans in for a kiss.
“Oh.” Nadia’s eyes widen, but she lets it happen. Meanwhile, I’m ready to rip Cadence off her if Nadia looks the slightest bit uncomfortable. “Okay,” she says when Cadence triumphantly pulls away.
This is another party trick I’m well-acquainted with. It’s the free-love thing. Cadence wants me again, but I’m with Nadia and she’s with Lake, so she’s showing how cool and flexible she is by maneuvering us into a group thing.
My dick is semi-hard because I’m an oversexed male, and the prospect of carnal pleasure is being dangled in front of me, but I would’ve been cool just hanging with Nadia. No sex. Just making her feel comfortable.
“Come on. Let’s go in my bedroom.” Cadence speaks only to Nadia, leaving this up to the one person most likely to object.
Nadia shoots me a questioning look.
I lean over and murmur in her ear. “Totally up to you.” I mean, I’m not one to turn down a good time. Maybe that’s what she’s here for.
Cadence picks up her hand and laces her fingers through Nadia’s and tugs her toward the bedroom. Nadia follows, so Lake and I close in behind them.
The lights stay off; the door gets shut.
I kiss Nadia because I didn’t get enough before. I hear the sounds of clothes being stripped off. Lake’s working Cadence. I fill my palm with Nadia’s ass, squeezing roughly as I deepen the kiss. Cadence pulls my sleeve toward the bed.
I tow Nadia with me, kissing her the whole way. I get her jacket off and slide my hands under her shirt. She arches against me.
Cadence crawls over to give Nadia another kiss while I cup her breast. She lets out a whimper.
“Oh. Um… where’s the bathroom?” Nadia asks.
Cadence laughs throatily. “Down the hall on the left.”
“I’ll be right back.” Nadia slides off the bed and stoops to pick up her jacket.
She slips out the door.
And never comes back.
Nadia
Don’t panic, don’t panic, don’t panic.
Everything is fine. I just need to leave. The metallic clanging grows louder inside my skull.
I find Adrian sucking on a beer in the kitchen, standing guard in front of Kat, who sits on a countertop.
The minute he sees me, he knows what’s up. He whirls, puts his hands on Kat’s waist, and lifts her down. They follow me out of the apartment, down the stairs and out to the street.
I’m not in a full-on panic attack, thank God. Just teetering on the edge of one. My breath is short, the sound of chains rattles in my head.
I guess it’s a testament to how much I like Flynn that I even attempted intimacy. I mean, the thought of letting anyone touch me that way ever again usually freaks me out.
For one second there, I was the girl in the mirror. The one who looks confident and tough. When Cadence kissed me, it wasn’t scary. Neither was Flynn’s kiss. So I figured it might be the perfect opportunity. Try out sex with people who seem safe.
The group thing made it feel safer, initially, although that probably seems strange. The entire time I’ve crushed on Flynn, I’ve worried about what would happen if he wanted to have sex, and I couldn’t do it. How embarrassing and awful it would be. It seemed like I’d be in the spotlight, and I just knew I wouldn’t be able to perform.
So this opportunityjust fooling around at a party with other peopleit seemed like less pressure.
And I was turned on. It seemed great.
Until it wasn’t.
And now, I just want to clear out of here before Flynn realizes I’m gone.
“Where’s the SUV?” I rub my nose, imagining I smell cigar smoke, even though it’s not there. I feel the links of chain around my neck tighten. The edge of desperation creeps in.
Adrian presses the fob, and his alarm beeps.
I jog to it and throw open the back door, practically diving in.
Adrian is kind enough not to say I told you so. “Am I going to kill him?” he asks calmly as he climbs behind the wheel after holding the door open for Kat.
“Nyet.”
“Are you okay?” Kat twists in her seat to look back at me.
I touch my fingers to the skin around my lips. I still feel the echo of the kiss where Flynn’s facial hair tickled me. “Fine. Totally fine. I just… I was done, that’s all.”
She turns back. “It was fun to go to an American party.” Kat is originally from Ukraine but spent the last seven years in England. My brotherwho, like me, left his innocence in Russiakidnapped her there and held her hostage to capture her father but ended up falling in love with her.
Madly in love. They are adorable together. They have wild, kinky sex all day and night, which is part of the reason I’m trying very hard to get better.
I want to move out and give them privacy. Not be so pathetically dependent. Not get triggered by so many things.
I work hard to swallow. “Yes.”
Kat turns again. “Flynn is way into you.” She knows about my crush on him. She’s the one who cut and colored my hair and did my makeup for tonight. Made me feel like I had a chance.
And it seems she was right. Flynn took me to a party. He kissed me. He brought me in a bedroom to make out.
“I don’t like him,” Adrian interjects.
“You don’t have to like him,” Kat points out. “It’s Nadia’s opinion that matters here.”
“He lacks honor. I don’t trust him. He will hurt you.” Adrian meets my gaze in the rearview mirror. “I’m not trying to cockblock. I just don’t think he’s right guy, Nadia.”
“So you are trying to cockblock, since he’s the one with the cock, and you’re blocking him,” Kat clarifies.
Adrian makes a grouchy sound in his throat.
“He might be just what I need.” I hadn’t considered it until this moment, but after tonight’s experience, it makes sense.
“What?” Adrian snaps. “Why?”
“I can’t be in a relationship. I can barely handle my own life. Mixing it with someone else’s would be unwise.”
“You want a no-stress guy. No pressure. No commitment. That definitely seems like Flynn,” Kat says.
Adrian frowns into the rear-view mirror. “Are you serious?”
“Da.”
“You just want…”
“Sex?” Kat fills in.
I shrug. “Maybe.”
“No, not maybe. Don’t get involved if it’s a maybe. This guy is a player.”
“Yes. It’s a yes. I think I want sex. I need to get over what happened. To know I can be intimate without freaking. Flynn might be the guy to help me with that.”
Adrian makes another disapproving sound. “I’m sure he’d have no problem helping you out with that.”
“And you’re not going to kill him for it,” I say firmly.
Wow. I’m already feeling stronger. Making a stand. Demanding what I want. Setting boundaries.
I lean my head back against the seat and rub my lips together remembering the kiss. Flynn’s-not Cadence’s. I want to remember every detailhow he went in slowly but gradually grew more aggressive. How his masculine scentlike leather and soapwrapped around me. I want to overwrite my memory banks. For every horrible thing that happened to me, I want a new, shiny memory to take its place.
One with an easy, breezy rock star who makes everything seem possible.