She was attracted to his mind as to his killer body and handsome face, and she knew in that moment that no matter what happened, Cedric was going to be a huge part of her life. Yes, there had been pain, but he’d changed her life forever, and that wasn’t something anyone would forget.
“So what do you think?” he asked.
“It’s nice,” she told him. “Although, I’m a bit surprised that you are making all these changes. You hate being here,”
Cedric lowered his head, “Actually I’ve been thinking of spending more time here…. Much more than I do in the city,” When he looked up again and his eyes met hers, Anna’s breath caught in the throat. He smiled at her, but his eyes were full of emotion, although she wasn’t sure which. Pain? Regret? Joy?
She had to change the topic, “This isn’t new.” She said, and ran a hand across the edge of the pool table, over the well-worn felt.
“No, it’s not.” Cedric followed her with those dark, inquisitive eyes, making her ultra-aware of every move she made. Aware of the way the soft felt tickled her fingers, how, depending on the mood, the move was almost enticing. Not that she’d meant it to be. At least, not consciously.
“Do you play?”
“One time when I couldn’t sleep. It helped clear my head. Helped me sort things through. Do you play?”
“I’m more of a Ping-Pong girl. Not that I don’t have fond memories of one pool table in particular.”
“Really?” He gave her a look, one filled with playful curiosity, and she knew exactly what he was thinking. What every guy would think.
She couldn’t resist smiling. “Get your mind out of the gutter. You know It’s nothing like that. It’s just where I had my first kiss.”
“Sounds romantic,” he teased.
“It really was.” She felt wistful just remembering. A girl never forgot the thrill of her first kiss. “It was a friend’s older brother. I was fifteen and he was seventeen.”
“An older man.” Cedric sat on the edge of the table, folding his arms across his chest, looking genuinely interested. “How did it happen?”
She sat beside him. It had been so long since she’d even thought about it, but she remembered every detail. “Well, my dad had sent me out like he usually did when I pissed him off. My friend was upstairs helping her mom with dinner and I was in the basement with her brother Noah, watching him play pool. We were talking and somehow we got around to the subject of whether or not I had a boyfriend. When I told him no, he said he couldn’t believe a pretty girl like me didn’t have ten boyfriends. Then he asked if I’d ever kissed a boy. Of course I turned fifty shades of red.”
“What did you tell him?”
“The truth. That I hadn’t.”
“So then what? He tossed you down on the table and planted one on you?”
She gave him a playful shove. “No. It was very sweet. He was sitting on the edge of the table, kind of like you are. I was standing in front of him.” She pushed off the table and stood a couple feet in front of him. “Like this.”
Cedric unfolded his arms and rested his hands on the table beside him, and for a minute he actually looked the way Noah had that day. They were both dark, and had that simmering, rebellious look. Now that she thought about it, they were similar in personality. Very sweet when they wanted to be-with the potential to be thickheaded. Maybe that’s why she was so attracted to Cedric. He reminded her of her first crush.
“Then what happened?” he asked.
“He reached up and took one of my hands and kinda pulled me closer, so I was in between his legs.”
“You mean like this?” Cedric took her right hand in his and tugged her to him. Her heart fluttered wildly when her legs brushed against his inner thighs and all of the sudden they were this close.
“Uh-huh.” Exactly like that. The memory of the awe and excitement and the rush of emotions came rolling back to her.
She recalled the exact instant when she realized she was about to experience her first real kiss. She remembered exactly what his lips had felt like as they brushed across hers. How it was so slow and sweet, how he’d taken his time. The thrill of his lips parting and his tongue touching her. Some girls she knew still thought tongue kissing was gross, but Anna had just about melted. He tasted warm and exciting and forbidden. At the time she didn’t recognize what lust was exactly. She just knew it was a feeling she liked.
She still liked it.
Too much.
Cedric’s eyes searched her face. He was so close she could feel the warmth of his body through his clothes. She could feel the whisper of his breath on her lips when he asked, “Then what did he do?”
She knew that if she told Cedric, he would kiss her. And then who knows what might happen? She wasn’t a fifteen-year-old girl any longer with naivete and fear still on her side to help stop things before they got out of control. She had needs and desires just like Cedric and she didn’t trust herself to put on the brakes. As much as she wanted him to kiss her, she knew she couldn’t let him do it. Not after what happened when they kissed yesterday.
“After a few heavy-duty make out sessions over the next couple of weeks, it ended, plus, I had my dad to worry about and I couldn’t really keep friends. Three years later, he got Tracy Gilbert pregnant, got married in a shotgun wedding and moved into a single wide across town.”
Cedric took the hint and, with a trace of regret in his eyes, let go of her hand. Regret she could definitely identify with.
She took a step back.
“Not exactly a happy ending,” he said.
“It wasn’t, and it didn’t really last for long. A couple of kisses and I thought it was true love, but it wasn’t real…It was just kisses. As you know, things were pretty bad at home, and when I went into the woods, I used to fantasize we would fall in love and run away together. That he would save me. I guess I should be grateful. He and Tracy Gilbert divorced after baby number four and last I heard he’s working nights at the gas station and spends the better part of his days in the bar.”