It was Cedric who finally broke the contact. Cedric who pushed her away, who shook his head in almost repulsion, as if waking from some terrible dream, as if scarcely able to comprehend what had taken place. She felt the shudder of his muscles, the controversy in every movement as he pushed with his hands but pleaded with his eyes, every fiber that bound them, every breath saturated with the passion that had gripped them, but the sobering slap of reality too strong to ignore.
“You…” The water lashed his face, rivers running down that strong jaw, like tears of regret; the push of his palms, the grip of his fingers, confusion, pain in every tortured gasp. “You make me crazy.”
She could feel every breath in his arms, exasperation, regret tingeing every motion, the steel of his erection against her thighs, the soft marshmallow of her flesh melting against him, an expensive suit no barrier against his deadly sword.
“You make it so easy to be wrong.” She could see the white of his teeth as he clenched them together, feel the agony behind every word. “You make it too damn easy to throw it all away…”
“Throw what away?” Her question was genuine. Whether it was love or lust, something propelled them, something drove them to this edge over and over, yet here he was pulling back, pushing her over into the abyss of life without him, and from the desolation in his eyes, from the pounding thud of her heart, it didn’t matter who delivered the fatal wound because agony gripped them both.
“Everything.” He shook his head fiercely. “Morals, duty, loyalty. You, Anna, you shame me over and over.”
“How?”
“By making me want you so badly!”
And she knew, knew from the way his hands dropped her, knew from the step back he took that the moment was all over.
“I want you too, Cedric.” Trembling hands reached for him, honesty a whisper away, denial useless as she faced the full force of the arousal that gripped them, the arousal that saturated them, that was instigated by their mere presence together. Surely they could enjoy this moment together, she thought, no matter how briefly, before they had to face their issues again. “I have always wanted you,” she rasped. “I never stopped,”
Cedric shook his head, “I know you want me too, Anna, but that’s not the point. I’m talking about us. When I came back to Haerton, I thought surely we could find a way to make it work; surely we could get past all this…” He hesitated. He could feel the swell of the baby between them, between them in so many more ways than merely physical. Their baby bringing them together on the one hand, yet tearing them apart with the other.
A painful lesson he had well and truly learnt, but it was too late now, for remorse or for what might have been. His baby was growing inside the woman he loved, and all he wanted was for them to be together, but maybe he was never going to have that. Perhaps it was time to accept that. Black pools of bile churned inside him as the ramifications of his actions hit home again.
“But I guess It’s too late for us now, Anna,”
“Cedric -” she whispered.
“It’s too late,” he broke in. “I’m sorry that I…” he closed his eyes in regret. He shook his head, stared at her for a painful second longer. “I just can’t do this, Anna,”
Despite the hot water her body was cold without him. Turning her back , she tried in vain to ignore the image of him peeling off his saturated clothes, wrapping a towel around that divine body, only remembering to breathe again when finally the door closed behind him and she was left alone. Shivering under the water, she stood there, knowing it could never be over, knowing that in a few moments she’d be facing him again. And wondering how she could do it.
____________
Anna lay awake the following morning, not quite ready to roll out of bed. She’d slept over fifteen hours. Fifteen of the most restful hours she’d had in a while.
Despite everything, she felt comfortable here at Haerton. And though yesterday she might not have been one hundred percent sure due to certain events, she knew now that she was doing the right thing staying here. The right thing for her and the baby.
Knowing she no longer had to stress herself so much, an enormous weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She felt a sense of peace she hadn’t experienced in a long time. The future was still blurry in regards to her marriage, and she didn’t know how to feel now that Cedric seemed to finally accept that their relationship was doomed, but now at least, when it came to her baby, she felt as if she were moving in the right direction…Health wise.
She folded a hand over the bump where her baby was growing. It was starting to move more now, and she was actually looking forward to getting bigger, even if that meant getting more stretch marks. Since this first pregnancy could very well be her last, she wouldn’t take a second of it for granted.
She heard the door in the sitting room open. Who could that be? Was it Cedric coming to check on her like he did yesterday? To see if she was still breathing….
She sat up, tucking the sheet close to her bare torso. Less than a minute passed before she heard the door close again.
Whoever it was hadn’t stayed long. Then the scent of bacon wafted her way. Her stomach rumbled and her mouth watered and she had to swallow to keep from drooling on herself. She crawled out of bed, slipped her robe on and followed the scent to the table in the sitting room.
Someone had either anticipated her being ravenously hungry this morning, or they weren’t sure what she liked.
There was a plate covered with three different types of eggs- omelet, scrambled and poached-and another piled high with pancakes, a delectable looking croissant and two slices of French toast. Beside that was yet another plate with sausage and bacon and a thick slab of ham. To drink she had a choice of orange juice, grapefruit juice, cranberry cocktail or hot tea.