There was something steady about him in general that she liked, an anchor that kept her from floating away in the worst of the storms. Not that there had been many storms. Passion burned in her-she could feel it-and yet gradually she’d started to realise that it wasn’t anything to be afraid of. Not when there was Cedric around to take it, channel it, and make it bloom like a firework in the night.
All the things she’d been afraid of in herself, he liked and actively encouraged.
“I like you wild,” he’d told her that day, when she’d confessed to him the terrible truth about herself and her temper. And she’d seen nothing but fierce acceptance in his eyes. He’d shown her then, with his hands and his mouth, exactly how accepting he was by stoking that wildness in her and letting it rage out of control. Showing her that there was nothing to be scared of, not with him.
You can’t go thinking things like that. He might be your lover but he only married you because of a will.
This marriage will be over as soon as you have his child, remember? Oh, yes, she remembered. But that was fine. That was what she’d wanted after all.
“We haven’t talked about what’s going to happen when we get back to Haerton,” Cedric said suddenly.
Slowly, she lowered her book. “What do you mean? Aren’t we going back to separate lives?”
“That’s what we agreed, yes.” He leaned his head on his hand, his elbow resting on the arm of his chair, his long, powerful legs stretched out before him. He looked relaxed and yet the intensity in his eyes made a lie out of it. “And my child is to be conceived via medical assistance. Though, to be fair, you could already be pregnant.”
A little electric shock pulsed through her. It was true, she could be. They hadn’t used anything in the way of protection and to say they’d been having a lot of sex was an understatement. She looked down at the book in her lap, feeling suddenly self-conscious. She hadn’t been thinking about the child he’d wanted, not once while they’d been on their honeymoon. She hadn’t thought about the future at all. She’d been too consumed with him and how he made her feel every time he touched her, smiled at her, laughed with her.
It’s just a business arrangement, remember? No, she hadn’t remembered. She’d fulfilled one of his requests and now it was time to fulfill the other. Bear him a son. A little boy with eyes just like his… Something in her chest gave a pulsing ache, an unexpected longing tugging at her deep inside. She’d always thought children weren’t for her, that she wouldn’t make a good mother. Her temper was too wild, too volatile. And after what she’d put her father through, the thought that she might lash out at her own child in the same way made that decision a simple one.
And yet, Cedric had told her that she wasn’t difficult or demanding. That her temper was a beautiful storm and that he liked it, so perhaps… Perhaps she wouldn’t make such a bad mother after all.
But he’d said that their marriage wouldn’t be a real one and that their child would stay with him, though she could have access to it. You really didn’t think that one through, did you?
That ache in her chest sank deeper and she found herself clutching the edges of the book. “So what are you saying?” Anna asked.
Cedric didn’t answer for a long moment. Then abruptly he shifted, leaning forward, his hands clasped, his elbows on his knees, the intensity in his face shocking the breath from her. “I don’t want us to have separate lives when we get back to Haerton. And I don’t want to use medical assistance to conceive. I want us to live together, have a proper marriage.”
Shock pulsed through her. “A…proper marriage?”
“Yes.” His gaze was like a laser beam boring into her. “Living together as husband and wife. The same house, the same bed. Shared lives. At least until our child is born. Then we can reassess it.”
Long fingers folded around her heart and squeezed. “But…that’s not what you said earlier.”
“I know. But I’ve changed my mind. We’re good together, Anna, and I think you know it. And I don’t want to give up what we had when we get to Haerton,”
It was strange, all the emotion tangled up inside her. Bright threads of joy and excitement wound around darker threads of uncertainty and doubt. Because being on honeymoon was one thing but living together was quite another. And then there was the issue of the child…
“You said this was a business arrangement.” She tried to keep her voice level, to not let any of her doubt show in her voice. “That doesn’t sound very…business-like to me.”
His intent gaze narrowed. “What are you afraid of?”
That he’d bypassed her uncertainty and gone straight to the fear that lay underneath it wasn’t surprising. She should have expected it really, because he was extremely observant. And so it was a pity she didn’t have an answer.
You know why. You just don’t want to admit it.
Anna ignored both the thought and his question. “What made you change your mind?”
“The honeymoon. You. I don’t want this to end.”
“A honeymoon always ends.”
“But the passion doesn’t. Sleeping together doesn’t.”
“What makes you think it will be the same once we’re back in Haerton?” She wasn’t even sure why she was protesting. “And once we have a child?”
He didn’t answer immediately, simply staring at her. Then, slowly, he got to his feet and came over to where she sat, putting his hands on the arms of her seat on either side of her, leaning in, caging her with all his powerful, muscular heat.
Her breath caught at his nearness and the way he was looking at her, as if he wanted to ignite her right there in the chair.
“You didn’t answer my question,” he said, his voice low and fierce. “What are you afraid of, Anna?”
Anna stared up him, her heart beating hard, caught fast as she always was when he revealed the hunger at the heart of him. And it was that hunger she saw in his eyes and his expression. Hunger for her and the raw edge of desperation.
He wanted her to agree, that was what he wanted. And he wanted it desperately.