I did something I never do.
I turned off the radio, disconnected the Ipod, and listened to the sound of silence.
Music was and is my life. We all have a personal soundtrack to our lives. We’re almost always within listening distance of a radio, CD, Ipod, some guy in the park with a slightly out of tune guitar, or a live band.
A song will start playing and you think, “That’s what was playing at my sisters’ wedding, my uncles’ funeral, while I lost my virginity, or when she dumped me, when I found out I was going to be a father, etc.” Music and memories are so intertwined we take them for granted. We don’t have to watch, or read, or focus on anything. All we have to do is let the music wash over us.
And just this minute, I wanted to be one of the unwashed masses.
I didn’t want to remember any song that would remind me of Sandy’s betrayal. Too much respect for the music.
…………………
I learned how women could betray you at an early age, and my mother taught the lesson.
I was thirteen, had been playing the guitar for two years, and had a habit of sneaking into my parents’ room when they weren’t around to listen to their records. They had a killer stereo, and excellent headphones. I would kick off my shoes, pick the albums, load the turntable and lie back. I would carefully straighten the bed and put everything back exactly, but I think they knew.
It was a Saturday morning in June. I was listening to the Beatles, “In My Life”, off the Rubber Soul album I think, when my grandmother burst into the room, yelling at the top of her lungs. She had been calling for me but I didn’t hear her because of the headphones. She was crying.
I knew something was wrong. She was a strong woman, the only time I saw her cry was when my grandfather died, so I scrambled up.
“Wiley, why didn’t you answer the phone? Never mind, come with me right now.”
“Gram what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Is something wrong with Dad?”
I assumed it was my dad. He worked in a factory with a lot of machinery and was always talking about someone getting careless and being injured. My Mom stayed at home, so he worked a lot of Saturdays for the overtime. It was worth it to him so Mom could stay home with my little brother Chip. He was four, and the plan was for her to return to work when he entered school.
“No, child. It’s your Mom, she and Chip were in an accident. I don’t know all the details, but your Dad wants you at the hospital.”
Dad was already there when we got there. I could see the tracks of tears but he was composed by then.
“How’s Mom? How’s Chip?” Gram and I pretty much said in unison.
He looked me in the eye. I had always admired his directness, but not today. He took me by my hand, something he almost never did. I never knew if it was shyness or upbringing, but he didn’t touch much. Mom had to virtually sit on his lap to get attention. There was no doubt he loved us, he told us often.
“Son, you’re mother is dying. They were hit over by the high school, a big rig lost his brakes on Simpson Hill and ran through the red light. You need to go in and see her now. She’s unconscious, but maybe she’ll hear you say goodbye.”
I pretty much went into shock. Gram led me in. You almost couldn’t recognize her with the bandages and tubes. She was on a ventilator, the machine keeping her alive. I held her hand and talked to her. To this day I don’t remember what I said but it had Gram crying pretty hard. As soon as I left they turned the machines off, She just simply stopped breathing. They only left her as long as they did at my fathers’ insistence.
Outside the room I saw my father talking to a doctor. He had him by the arm and wouldn’t let go.
“If he needs blood my family will give it. Tell us what to do.”
Chip was in a bad way. He had lost a lot of blood, and was still losing it as fast as they pumped it in him. they were running low, something about having a rare blood type, AB something.
The doctor agreed to take our blood if the types matched.
“Of course they’ll match, we’re his blood kin. and no, I don’t remember our blood types.”
He arranged for a quick test. A very odd expression was on his face when he came back.
“I’m sorry, none of you are a match. We’ve contacted the Red Cross and we’re giving him plasma to hold him over. We’re doing all we can, don’t give up hope.”
My Dad jumped up, indignant.
“That’s not possible, one of us has to be a match. We’re all related by blood. There has to be a mistake.”
I understood later the doctor was trying to be diplomatic. He suggested Dad come back to the office so they could go over the typing. He agreed and got almost to the door when he realized what the doctor was trying to tell him. He went to his knees. Remembering the wail he let out makes my hair bristle even now.
He stayed on his knees sobbing for two or three minutes while two nurses and the doctor tried to get him inside the office. Shaking them off like flies, he rose slowly and looked them in the eye.
“He’s still my son. What can you do?”
They assured him they were doing all they could and rushed back to the intensive care unit.
I was fourteen and found out my mother was dead and my brother may be dying. I was on emotional overload so none of what I witnessed made any sense until later.
Chip didn’t recover, but he did last three weeks. I spent every minute they would let me with him. I brought my guitar and sang to him. I brought the ukelele I had given to him and put it on his bed. Through sheer determination, he had learned the notes to Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and for about a month he would serenade Mom and Dad, while I backed him on guitar. I told him we would be in a band some day and be rich and famous. But, he never regained consciousness.
I would be at the hospital for hours. I would stay with Chip until I couldn’t take it, then roam the halls. The nurses kind of adopted me, and one day they did something that altered my life. One of the older nurses heard me play, and asked if I had time to play for some of the other kids.
Those that could would gather in a common room, and I would play kids songs, funny songs, anything to make them forget they were sick. We made some silly songs up. I would read to the younger ones when I was tired of playing.
Some of the children were being treated for cancer, and a bald head or two was not uncommon. One girl, about eleven, became close to me. I wrote her a little song about a girl who was so pretty she didn’t need hair. Just before Chip died she became so weak she couldn’t come to the common room so I would go to her room and sing her a song or two every day.
I would stop outside the door and ask permission to enter Kara’s Castle, introducing myself as a lowly minstrel passing through and would play for a meal. Our meal was two Hershey’s dark chocolate kisses. just about the only candy she was allowed, and then only two pieces. So when I sang her a few songs, we would share the candy like it was a feast. I would bow to her and promise to be back when I was hungry.
Chip held out as long as his broken body allowed. Every day I would say “See you tomorrow”, glance around to see if anyone was watching, and kiss his forehead. I guess it was a blessing he passed in the middle of the night. Gram and Dad handled the nights while I would stay during the day.