I wish this story had a happy ending, I really do. Still, as I stand outside Sarah’s work with a hood in my hands and zip ties on a D-ring carabiner, I suspect it won’t.
How did I even get here? I’m truly baffled. I had always been the nice guy. So how did I end up here, minutes away from raping someone who had told me no?
That’s not to say I couldn’t make someone shit themselves if they didn’t know me. My time in combat zones had put a bit of steel in my backbone and an edge to my gaze. Yet, when people got to know me, they enjoyed my company.
I was the man most fathers wish their daughters were dating and with whom their sons were friends. I worked in the public service sector, usually helping the less fortunate communities. In short, I was the good guy.
I had known Sarah for nearly a decade. Our group of friends would routinely game online together for many hours every week. I had been witness to her relationship failures and dreams.
We were very open about our lives and, truthfully, my fantasies were pretty vanilla compared to hers. She did get teased a bit for being so damn horny all the time, but I think most of our group were all nymphos so it was just friendly ribbing. I know I was just as horny; I was just better at hiding my habit of multiple daily masturbation sessions.
It’s not as if I lacked female companionship, I had enough confidence that I was comfortable in my ability to score at the bar. Fun fact I never shared with my friends, but I am secretly a hopeless romantic. My empathy is through the roof, so I had to learn how to guard my feelings.
“I believe the most empathetic people can easily become the cruelest if they put their mind to it.” – The Dark Librarian, as he passed by the irradiated remains of Atlanta, GA. Circa 2085 A. D.
As my mind shifts back to the present, my eyes trace the contours of the inside of the borrowed van I am using. Sarah wouldn’t recognize it. I don’t know why, but that fills me with sadness. Maybe I want someone to stop me, I really don’t know anymore. As my eyes wander out to the sign of the Rent-A-Car agency that Sarah works at, my mind drifts to the events of the last few months.
– – – – – –
I’d had a light crush on Sarah for years. I had never said anything due to not wanting to wreck a beautiful friendship or ruin our group dynamics.
That had all changed a few months ago when we all had the chance to hang out in person. Sarah was a bit more forward than I was accustomed to. She thought she was socially awkward and… perhaps she was. I, however, was fascinated by her seemingly openly living out her life and sexuality.
Fuck it!, but I was jealous. I wish I could so easily live my life like that. Oh, who am I kidding!?! I doubt it was easy for her. She had a similarly strict religious upbringing to myself. And, given my knowledge of her, it must have been hell. Fuck, I was aroused.
How did this witchy little Strix worm her way into my heart? Nay, not a Strix, but perhaps a Naiad. Sending her Siren’s call deep within my soul. Her openness and the fact she shared it with me was an ambrosia to my soul.
– – – – – –
And time snapped again; and I was watching the lights turn off inside. ‘No, go back inside! Are you serious? You’re 45kg, soaking wet. There’s too many areas with low visibility, an attacker could be anywhere! Run, Sarah! Run!’
‘Or don’t,’ the logical side of me chuckled darkly. It’s so easy. As easy as sneaking up behind two enemies in Afghanistan and killing their dog in total silence not one meter behind them so an op could continue as a stealth mission. Those hadn’t been the only skills I’d learned in the war.
Did the lock just twitch?
“Right or wrong, I can hardly tell.” – Five Finger Death Punch, Wrong Side Of Heaven
– – – – – –
And, like that, time blinked again. And I saw her face light up in simple joy at seeing me. She squealed out my name and ran over to hug me. I half-wrapped my arm around her, but she squeezed me tightly. I easily laughed, a practiced smile to accompany it, as my easy going nature washed across my face. It’s amazing how few people remember a washed face merely shows what it wants the world to see.
A bemused smile graced my features. And hey, I’m a bemused person most of the time. A veritable sheepdog, contentedly taking care of their flock. Not the sheepdog’s fault that he did as trained and noticed every detail, including his flock. Damn that bewitching ewe!
Little lamb, who made thee? Dost thou know who made thee? – William Blake
– – – – – –
It was the adrenaline rush I noticed, after my next blink. No, the lock hadn’t moved. Every place has a closing or shift change procedure. Humanity will survive the apocalypse as long as there’s a schedule.
“Alternate routes! Every time you go out, alternate routes.” “Watch your 10s and 25s,” a half-remembered combat instructor yelled inside my head. A snarl worked its way up my lip, memories were not welcome here.
There was time. The schedule had to be kept after all. The adrenaline was dying down. I was going into a holding pattern with my body. The seconds were counting down; my breath became smoother. The logical side took over. The transition was smooth and seamless. Everybody has to do their job.
When did my job stop being the sheepdog? How did I get here?
– – – – – –
Sarah snuggled up next to me as we watched Howl’s Moving Castle. Or was it Metalocalypse or Happy Tree Friends? I truly don’t know. I was intensely aware of the shared warmth where our bodies touched. Did she notice it like I did? Surrounded by our friends, I just enjoyed that she was beside me. That damn sheepdog tendency. I had to protect. I must protect. Protecting was in my blood, through either nature or nurture.
A hooded glance at my side urged every fiber of my being, defend. I was good at that. Don’t worry little lamb, I’m here. Everything was right in the world, this was a job I was good at. I’m a protector after all. I’ll keep the wolves at bay.
– – – – – –
The zipties bumping against my right thigh brought my mind to this moment, as I awaited Sarah’s nightly rituals to conclude. It was a feeling I was used to. Flashes of Talib fighters ziptied meters away from an assortment of rifles danced through my head as my mind went on high alert.
I chuckled. What if someone else decided tonight was a good idea for a hunt at the local Rent-A-Car? A smile threatened to split my face. That would turn out very poorly for them. This was a lone wolf operation tonight. The thought of someone else attacking Sarah united dog and wolf, protector and predator. Not tonight. Not Sarah. Sarah, my masochist queen.
When did things get so mixed up? I’m the good guy.
“The moral of Snow White is never eat apples.” – Lemony Snicket
– – – – – –
It was a good guy that had Sarah jump on his back so he could carry her around the park. Her light laughter echoed through my ears as I served as her humble beast of burden. Not even the Biblioburro would carry a more precious cargo. I could feel the trust she had in me as I carried her around, her light frame hugging my neck.
Why did this wondrous beast exist and why did she like me? They say there’s always a person out there who will drive you to distraction. Was it our similar backgrounds and interests? Was it simply that she was living her life as she wanted, while I merely existed in mine? Whatever it was, the beast was awakening. And it knew what it wanted.
– – – – – –
The beast watched the burrow for its prey. It was nearly time. The hunger gnawed the belly. Nearly time. A light yelp from the back of my mind, ‘Run Sarah, run.’ It was useless. There’d be no running tonight. When I put my mind to it, prey would never get away. It was prey. That was its purpose. I’m a predator, that’s my purpose.
I had already mapped the place out. A reflective ball cap and face mask had turned me into one of the many non-de*********** characters you’d expect to see in any small town. I was proud of my ability to blend. That had allowed me to wander around and see if I could find any trouble points that might make the night’s mission fail. Fortunately, I didn’t run into too many issues. It helped that it should be a fairly simple grab.
– – – – – –
I still remember my surprise when Sarah plopped down next to me while I’d been on a dirty site. I had to have blushed, yet Sarah didn’t say anything even though I knew she recognized the site. This was a girl who got me.
She understood the substance abuse. We all have vices after all. I just happened to use mine a bit more liberally. I’d never told anyone the reason why I preferred the world with a bit of haze to it. I have no doubt that Sarah would understand that sometimes the nightmares and memories wake you up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, right?
– – – – – –
It wasn’t sweat that brought me into the present. It was the saliva that gathered in my mouth. I was excited. My cold gaze swept across the Rent-A-Car agency. It was nearly time.
When did I become the predator? Honestly, it was after the prey became too tempting. The cold steel of the K-Bar along my left leg lent to the chilling reality of the moment. There would be no going back after tonight.
– – – – – –