54

I wanted things to be like they were before, before these people showed up and wrecked my life for the second time. I wanted the mundaness of it all, the simple and familiar routine, the monotony and the peaceful solitude.
I refused to let the tears fall as I turned away from everyone, my eyes burning from the salty liquid.
Shit. Lynx hissed. He ran a hand down his face as his eyes met mine, Lea.
Lynx made his way through the cabin and knelt in front of me. I shook my head. Don’t.
Lynx nodded once and took the seat to my left as Miller sat to my right. His mouth set in a tight line, his eyes hard and cold as he took a deep breath and gripped the arms of his seat and dug his nails into the leather fabric. He said too much, he knew he had and he knew that when, or if, he made it back to the house, he would have to deal with Carter for it.
Victoria had been watching quietly, taking in every word, every move, every detail. I could feel the heat of her eyes on me and looked up. A sinister smirk played on her lips as she gazed at me.
You don’t know all that he has done, do you ? A hint of laughter played in her barely audible voice as she spoke her thoughts, He has only shown you what he wants you to see.
Victoria drummed her fingers against the arm of her chair. HM. He’s either truly in love with you and is trying to protect you, or, she continued to hold my gaze, he’s just using you and is protecting himself, waiting for the perfect moment to dispose of you like he should have done to begin with.
She looked from me to Lynx and Miller, their faces paling as Victoria continued, I wonder what little Lea here would think of my son if she knew exactly what it is he is capable of, exactly what it is that he has done.
I started to feel sick to my stomach, not because the plane had started it’s ascent, but because deep down, I knew that if Carter was capable of killing someone, then he would be capable of doing other things as well.
Like slowly torturing someone to death for hurting you.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I wanted to, needed to, block everyone out. I needed to stay strong. I survived worse than this. I just had to find a way to get away, to get out of the situation.
I took deep breaths and fought against the sickness as part of my conversation with Carter from the night we drove to the club came back to me…
There are some rooms that are strictly off limits. Under absolutely no circumstances are you allowed to go into them.
Why ? He had piqued my interest.
I don’t want you to see the ugly side of what it is that we do, Lea.
But I already have. I thought back to the man that Carter had killed in front of me a few weeks ago and the order he gave to have Kent taken care of.
Yes, I suppose you have and that I do regret. He wrapped his hand around mine, I want to keep you safe, and the only way to do that is to keep the rest of what we do away from you for as long as possible.
I quickly unbuckled my safety belt and rushed toward the back room of the plane as wave after wave of nausea washed over me. How could I have been so stupid, falling for someone so, so…
I didn’t know what I thought about Carter any longer as I hugged the toilet, dry heaving since I hadn’t eaten breakfast this morning.
I heard water running and then felt my hair being moved to the side and a cool cloth being pressed against the back of my neck. Hot tears flowed freely from my clenched eyes and down my face as I sat back on my heels and rocked back and forth, comforting myself the same way I had done countless times after Cece was taken from me.
Sh, I’ve got you. Miller’s voice was barely a whisper as he lifted me
From the floor and sat me in his lap.
I didn’t have the strength to struggle. I was just so tired of all of this. I buried my head into his warm chest and clutched his shirt in my fist, my body shaking as my heart broke more with each sob.
Miller stroked my hair as I cried, the release freeing the chains that was slowly suffocating me, if for only a little while.
Lea, Carter is not the person that Victoria is making him out to be. Miller’s voice was soft and comforting as he continued to hold me and run his hand down my hair and back, his chin resting on the top of my head. He doesn’t do anything out of irrationality or just for kicks, there is always a reason for what he does.
I listened to the thumping of Miller’s heart, the steady beats calming my frantic ones as Miller continued, That man you saw Carter kill was William Marshall.
I shook my head and covered my ears, I didn’t want to hear any more. However, Miller had other ideas as he carefully, but forcefully removed my hands from my head.
You need to know why he did it Lea. If you are to understand anything at all, you need to hear me out.
I, I don’t want to.
Dammit Lea, this isn’t just about you. I stiffened at Miller’s sharp tone. Don’t you understand that ? You are not the only person who has lost someone close to them, so stop fucking acting like it.
I was stunned into silence. Miller had never gotten angry with me or spoke to me in such a cold, hard tone.
Miller paused and tilted my head back so he could look me in the eyes, There has only been a handful of people that Carter has cared for, but never has he felt for anyone the way he does for you. He has slowly been changing for the better because of you, Lea. All of us in the house can see it. And I’ve seen you with him. I know that you care about him as well so just keep quiet and let me tell you what you need to know, okay ?
My reply was shaky. Okay.
Marshall use to be one of ours, a low level member assigned to some of the less risky jobs that we handle. He had an infatuation with someone who was close to Carter, Darrell, Lynx, and myself, but no one knew exactly to what extent the admiration went until it was too late.
I stayed quiet as I listened, trying to wrap my head around what Miller was trying to tell me.
Carter was giving Marshall a chance to move up in the organization, to prove that he could take on more responsibility. The two were assigned a job together two and a half years ago that was a couple of states over. He had known that she belonged to someone else, but he had refused to accept that fact.
They left the club they were working without their security team and Marshall was able to drag her down a deserted ally. When she refused to run away with him, he beat her, had his way with her, and left her for dead. He knew when Carter and Darrell, or Lynx and myself found him, that he was as good as dead, so he ran, covering his tracks until Jack called and said he was at Black Cats a few months ago.
I raised my brow at that, but Miller ignored it and kept talking, his eyes focused on his memories of the past.
Eva was working a different angle of the same assignment and found her. She had managed to tell Eva what had happened as she was taken to the hospital. Once there, she was rushed to surgery and then put on life support. Eva was able to get a hold of Carter and Darrell, but Lynx and I were out of the States, taking care of an issue in one of the other houses. Carter and Darrell both flew out as soon as they got the call, but she died of her injuries a couple of hours before they arrived.
Who was she ? I asked quietly as I realized that Miller had been quiet for several minutes.
Miller’s eyes were glistening and he drew in a shaky breath, My sister, and Darrell’s wife, Trish.
I reached up and brushed away a tear that had fallen on Miller’s cheek. I’m sorry, I whispered.
Miller pulled my hand from his face, What you have to know, Lea, what you have to believe, is that Carter isn’t a monster. He isn’t just some cold blooded killer like Victoria. He does what he has to do to protect his members, his employees, and his businesses. Sometimes that means using whatever means necessary to get information from those that try to infiltrate us to do just that. Sometimes that means him making a decision to have someone take care of someone who is causing problems for us. It’s what we do, it’s our jobs. What we do isn’t always roses and sunshine, Lea. There are a lot of thorns and cloudy days.
Miller took my cheeks in his hands, his voice softening as he looked deep into my eyes, searching for something unknown.
We have all done stuff that would make Satan look like a saint at times, Lea, but you have to know that what Carter feels for you, it’s real. No matter what happens, no matter what Victoria says or does, you have to believe that. You have to believe that he is going out of his mind right now, that he will come for you. You have to believe in him Lea.