20

I closed my eyes and took a breath as I looked in his eyes. He murdered someone.
My voice remained low ; my tone wasn’t accusatory or snarly, but one of defeat. Tara had eyed me hard this morning, but refused to join in on the gossip that had flown around the table. With her attitude, along with what had been said at brunch and the way that I had caught Carter looking at me the last couple of days, I had started to piece the puzzle together earlier this morning.
He is still human, Lea.
I didn’t think that people that murdered could feel anything. I wrung my hands in my lap as I felt Darrell tense beside me.
It’s not that we don’t feel Lea. It’s just that, he sighed and looked at the four men before continuing, in our line of work, feelings can not only get us killed, but those that we feel for. That is why we condition ourselves to push away emotions, to be cold and hard. Everyone in this house, other than you, has killed at least once.
Why ? I whispered through a shaky breath.
We have to protect what is ours ; our companies, our members, our families.
So, what ? I’m now a part of some kind of a cartel affair ? I started trembling.
You could say that. Darrell’s eyes softened as he spoke.
I pushed off the sofa and rubbed my hands up and down my thighs as I struggled to breathe. What exactly are you telling me ?
Word has gotten out, outside of the house, that Carter didn’t dispose of a witness. It is only a matter of time before that information falls into the wrong hands. When it does,
My eyes widen in realization, They’ll use me to try to get to him.
Yes. Our adversaries will think that he has gone soft, and what better way to bring down your enemy than to go after someone they care about ?
Why me ? Why does he feel for me ?
Darrell eyes held mine, Because you didn’t cower down to him at Black Cat’s. You pissed him off and intrigued him at the same time. When he found you in the theater, you didn’t beg and plead for you life when he held his gun to your head. You looked him in the eyes and held your own against him, Lea. It takes someone special to stand up to a man like Carter and live. But it takes someone even more special to get under his skin the way you have.
He couldn’t have just said Hi, I’m Carter Stephens. You intrigue the piss out of me and seem like someone I would like to get to know ? How about dinner Saturday night ?
Darrell kept his face blank, but I could see the amusement in his eyes. No.
Well isn’t this a great big bowl of freaking whipped cream and cherries. I started pacing as I tried to calm my pounding heart. All I ever wanted was a simple freaking life. I threw my hands in the air as I continued circling the room. I guess that was that too much to ask for ?
My legs gave out and I crumpled to the floor and pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes.
Samuel, get a bottle of water from Carter’s fridge. I felt strong arms lift me and I buried my face in Darrell’s chest.
I didn’t ask for this. I shuddered as Darrell sat on the sofa, holding me in his lap.
Boss. I looked up as Samuel passed Darrell a water bottle.
I moved to sit on the sofa as Darrell opened the water and handed it to me. My hands shook as I took a slow steady sip. As I lowered it from my lips, Darrell took it from me and recapped the bottle, setting on the sofa beside me.
I know, Lea. Sometimes things happen that you can’t control. But, you have to make the best out of the situation. I’m sorry you had to find out about all this this way. Carter was suppose to explain it to you within the next two weeks, but seeing how things have escalated, it couldn’t wait.
I was starting to suspect, especially after last night. I sighed and looked at the four armed men, And they are here because ?
He nodded to the four guys. They will be your personal security team. Carter and I trust them with our lives and now with yours. If they screw up, they know what the repercussions are. They work twelve hour shifts ; Lewis and Leon will have days while Paul and Samuel will have nights.
Each one of the guys nodded in my direction, unfazed by the unspoken promise of what would happen to them if something happened to me. You don’t go anywhere without them knowing where you are.
I gave Darrell a yea right look.
I’m serious Lea. Even if you have to use the restroom, you let them know you need to be excused.
Won’t having them follow me around give away the fact that you know that someone here is a snitch ?
Darrell shrugged. Everyone in the house knows that we have suspected a mole for awhile. Now we just have to find a way to get the person to slip up.
So my outburst last night at dinner ?
He nodded, Helped with the confirmation.
I took a shaky breath, What if I leave, forget ever seeing that man being shot, forget ever meeting any of you ?
Carter won’t let you go, Lea. Darrell looked me over, a hint of regret crossing his face, Besides, even if he did, you would still be a target.
So, my shot at a normal, quiet life is pretty much screwed no matter what ? I ran a hand through my hair.
You shouldn’t look at it like that Lea.
How the hell else am I suppose to look at it, Darrell ? I half turned on the sofa to look Darrell the eyes. You know what, don’t answer that, I just want to go to my room. I stood and headed to the door, Which two of you are babysitting me tonight ?
Samuel and I are guarding you tonight, Ma’am. Paul answered firmly.
Fine. I shot a glance over my shoulder to Darrell. Do me a favor, I didn’t wait for him to answer, tell Carter I’m not interested and to leave me the hell alone.
I heard Darrell snicker and hiss Oh, so not happening under his breath as I walked out the door with the two armed men walking slightly behind me. I kept my face forward and refused to meet the questioning looks of those we passed by. As I reached my room and looked over the satin sheet that hung in the doorway, I turned to the two men flanking me, If you two brutes are going to be standing guard at night, I want my freaking door back.
I threw back the sheet and walked to the dresser, grabbed some sweats and a tee, and went into the bath to change. I turned the water in the sink on and splashed the cool liquid over my face. As I raised my eyes to meet my reflection, I blinked back the tears.
I refused to be weak, to let this break me. I had been through worse and survived, and I would survive this.
I turned the water off, dried my face, and walked into my room. I wasn’t tired and decided to look around for something to do. I wasn’t in the mood to read anything, much less Fifty Shades, and decided to sit at the desk instead. I pulled out a pencil and notepad I had seen in one of the drawers yesterday and began to write.
Dear CeCe,
I cannot even begin to describe how much I miss seeing your smiling face each day. Or how I miss hearing your laughter, your cheesy jokes, your terrible singing, and your making fun of me for not being as smart as you.
I miss getting up in the morning, making you breakfast and ushering you off to school. I miss you rushing the through the doors in the afternoon, yelling excitedly how your crush smiled at you in the hallways. I miss watching you get ready for the school dance, and telling you not to do anything I wouldn’t do and you laughing like a hyena as you hop out of the car.
I miss getting to tell you about my day and I miss fluffing your hair as you sigh in annoyance at my motherly advice. I miss our conversations about where we would live and about our future husbands and children and grandchildren and what their names would be.
And I miss that I can never hold you in my arms as you cry about your first heartbreak. I miss that I can never tell you how sorry I am that I couldn’t protect you. But most of all, I miss that I can never tell you how much I love you.
I dropped the pencil on the notebook and blew out a bitter breath. If he had not taken us, then Cecily would still be alive and I would be home watching movies with her. We would be flipping through Netflix, eating chocolate bars dipped in peanut butter as we playfully argued who had the hottest men NCIS : Los Angeles, Hawaii Five-O, or Criminal Minds.
I closed the notebook and shoved it back into the drawer along with the pencil. I pushed back from the chair and climbed into bed, pulling the quilt around me as I laid down. After tossing and turning for a good hour, I pushed myself up against the head board and crossed my legs in front of me, leaning my head against the wooden rails behind me, the conversation with Darrell running through my mind as I tried to process everything that he had told me.