21

Damn it. Now, I was sad for asking her. I’m sorry.
It’s okay. Can we finish coloring ?
Yeah, sweetheart. Let’s finish coloring. Maybe I can make us some hot cocoa with marshmallows and whipped cream when we’re done ? I offered the only thing I knew.
The front door opened, cutting her off before she could respond, and Aofie got up and began running in that direction. I could hear her laughing and excitement as she called out for her father.
Uncail Liam, put me down ! She giggled.
Never !
Don’t drop her, cousin. Oisin’s deep voice had me getting off the floor.
I didn’t know whether or not to put away the crayons or if Aofie wanted to color some more. I sat there on the carpet like an idiot with a bunch of crayons in one hand and her bag in the other. I didn’t want to see or even look at him because I was angry and confused and avoiding him.
Finally, I dropped the crayons and bags and stood up just in time for Oisin to walk inside the living room. Liam was behind him with Aofie on his back like a koala.
Elena. Liam gave me a polite nod.
I smiled tightly. Liam.
I could feel Oisin watching me, his eyes skirting over my body, but I ignored him.
Dinner is ready ! Fiona shouted from behind me.
Excuse me.
I didn’t get far. Oisin’s hand cupped my elbow, and he gave his cousin a look that had him taking Aofie and walking away. His other hand spanned across my stomach.
I heard you’re on your period mo ghra amhain. Are you in any pain ?
I hated that Fiona told him everything. It felt like such an invasion of privacy.
What’s it to you ?
I yanked my hand away from his and reached to remove his other hand, but he gave me a challenging look. It had me pausing.
You are my wife, Elena. I just want to know if you’re in pain or need anything.
I’m not in pain and don’t need anything.
He removed his hand by himself and gave me a soft look. He leaned over and kissed my cheek, and my eyes betrayingly fluttered shut. He stayed there, and I could hear the sharp inhale of his breath as he kissed my jaw.
I miss your body, baby. I’m craving to feel your hot cunt wrapping around me. I want you so much that I’m aching. It hurts to want you this bad.
Good God. He had such a hot way with his words. My insides clenched, and I bit down on my bottom lip to contain any sounds.
Would you use a condom ? I whispered.
No.
That brought me down to reality. Finally, I was sober again and strong enough to take a step back.
Then keep aching and wanting. Better yet, go fuck another woman and let her have your child.
His face hardened, and his eyes turned to slits. Shit.
Are you out of your fucking mind ? Do you think I’d ever touch another woman that isn’t you ?
Then, as if needing to expand on his point, he brought up his hand where my name was and flashed me his ring finger.
I’m married. To you. Your skin is the only skin I will taste. Your lips are the only lips I will kiss. Your body is the only body I will ever worship. And your cunt…. He groaned, trailing off.
Your cunt is the only cunt I’ll ever fuck. Get that through your fucking head. I’m not just obsessed with you ; I’m fucking addicted. I’d die right now if that’s what you needed for me to prove it to you.
What the fuck was I supposed to say to that ? I stared at him for the longest time and couldn’t speak. It was like I had forgotten how to speak. This man was a bewilderment to my mind. I don’t know why he would want me even after everything I did to him.
I slapped him every chance I got, didn’t wear my wedding ring, and hated him. It was something I vocalized every chance we got. I didn’t want to like him, but he was making it incredulously hard to actually hate him. Did I even hate him ?
Besides shooting up my wedding and forcing me here, he hasn’t done anything hurtful against me. I knew it was because I chose to be angry and resentful because what else would I feel if I let those go ?
I swallowed, and he sighed and walked away when I wouldn’t speak.
As much as I missed my family and friends and working in the bakery, I didn’t miss Enzo’s roughness and my mother’s many judgy looks. I had a sick feeling inside my gut that if I were to go back, Enzo would just marry me off to someone else he could use to his advantage.
So, maybe, I wasn’t looking forward to returning, but if I didn’t have that…what else would I have ? I didn’t want a child with Oisin. I was young, and my whole life was dictated. The only thing Enzo allowed me was to work at the bakery.
I’ve never gotten drunk or smoked or done any drugs. I’ve never partied or gone to any clubs. I was home-schooled my entire life, just like Aofie is right now, and I hated it. Even though I had my cousins as friends, they were sometimes more close-minded about certain things.
It was like I’d been living so closed off from the world that I barely knew anything about anything. I knew family and friends and baking because they were constant. Being here with Oisin wasn’t constant.
It was unpredictable, challenging, and so different that I genuinely didn’t know if I liked it or hated it. Since I got to this house, I don’t think I ever felt so alone until this moment.
Oisin
Before tucking Aofie into her bed, I let her choose a story for me to read. I sat next to her on the bed and read her the story, taking my time and doing the voices just how she liked.
When I saw her eyes fluttering shut, I set the book down and waited until her soft snores filled the room. Then, I stood up, kissed her forehead, and ensured the night light was on before stepping out of the room.
I walked past Elena’s room, and even though I checked on her every night, I wasn’t in the mood to check in on her tonight.
I was drained from work and marriage and needed something strong to drink. Since Suarez was coming tomorrow morning, Liam was spending the night, and we needed to wake up early to pick him up from the airport.
He had people, but it was out of respect for the man coming all the way from Mexico to aid us. I walked down to my study and opened the door, and to my surprise, Elena was sitting on the chair across from my desk, waiting for me.
What are you doing here ?
I wanted to talk to you.
She looked flustered as she twiddled her fingers in her lap. I walked over to where she was sitting and knelt before her. I grabbed her hands in mine and leaned down to kiss them.
I’ve never done anything in my life. I’ve never gotten drunk, danced at clubs, or even snuck out of my room to meet a boy. She rambled.
Enzo wouldn’t let me leave the house, and it wasn’t because he was overprotective but because he wanted to control me. The guy I had sex with, Tito ? That was probably the only thing I did that was considered rebellious. Even then, it was horrible because Tito sucked at it.
I’ve never gone on a fun shopping spree or attended school. I’ve never been to the movies or sat on a beach and dug my toes in the sand.
It’s stupid, I know, but that was my life with Enzo. Now, I’m here with you, and it feels like I never left as if I went from one prison cell to another.
I’ve never lived before, Oisin. I want to see the world. I want to do things I won’t be able to do if I’m pregnant and when I’m a mother. I’m young and want a chance to live my life.
Keeping my eyes on her, I kept another kiss on both her hands. I didn’t know you felt like this, Elena. I appreciate that you trust me enough to open up to me, baby. I want you always to be comfortable talking to me about everything.
I’m sorry you feel like a prisoner in our house, but you’re not. As long as you have security, you’re allowed to leave and go and do whatever. Your freedom comes with security measures, which I won’t negotiate on.
Your safety is my first concern, Elena. That’s first of all. Second of all, clubs and drinking are something you only do with me. I won’t have you dancing or getting drunk when I’m not there. Is that understood, mo ghra amhain ?
Yes.
If you’re willing to have my men go with you to school, and you want to attend a college here, then I don’t mind. They have culinary schools in Nevada, but if you want to move to New York to study there, we can talk about moving there.
I never want you to feel like I’m suffocating or constricting you. You’re not here for me to control you, and you’re not a pawn in the twisted war between your brother and me. You’re my wife, and I only want you to be happy. You want to go shopping ?
I stood up, pulled out my wallet, and handed it to her. She blinked up at me in confusion.
Go. Buy a fucking yacht if you want. All of my accounts are under your name anyways. My money is your money. Spend it all for all I fucking care.