It was impossible not to feel disappointed; this wasn’t the first time Winifred had rejected him.
He couldn’t understand why Winifred would refuse him. She had said she liked him and cared about him, so why did she reject his intimate touch?
He always remembered something Leland once said.
Winifred belonged to Leland.
They had shared a bed, doing intimate things only couples do in places unknown to him. He had witnessed Leland kissing Winifred’s lips and seen the hickeys on her neck.
Garrison knew how intimate Winifred and Leland had been, but he always lied to himself, pretending not to care.
But now, what he tried not to care about felt like a burning iron branding his heart, causing pain and disturbing his nerves, making his ears buzz.
Garrison lay in bed, feeling a dull ache in his heart. Thinking of seeing Leland during the day and Winifred’s instinctive avoidance just now, a sense of helplessness overwhelmed him.
He had to admit that Winifred still had feelings for Leland. No matter how much harm Leland had caused her, the hardest thing for her to forget was still Leland. Even in her fragmented memories, there were camellias given by Leland.
And he, Garrison, had long been thrown into an unknown corner by Winifred.
He laughed at Leland for being his substitute, never expecting that one day he would also become a “substitute” for Leland.
He turned over. He found Winifred who said she was going to sleep was looking at him. Caught red-handed, Winifred looked embarrassed. She tightly clutched the blanket and hesitated before softly saying, “Garrison, give me a little more time. I will definitely accept you in the future.”
She didn’t want any barriers between her and Garrison and feared that Garrison might leave her.
After saying this, her face flushed with heat. She pulled the blanket over herself, leaving only a few strands of hair visible.
Garrison’s lips curved into a smile as he felt relieved at that moment. “Well, I said I would wait for you no matter how long it takes. Don’t cover yourself with the blanket; you might suffocate.”
Yes, he had plenty of time now. Winifred only had him by her side; she could only rely on him. He would wait until the day she accepted him, no matter how long it would take. He believed he could outlast the ten years Leland spent with Winifred by her side.
One day, Winifred would accept him.
Spring passed and autumn came; day after day, Winifred’s face had almost healed. Next was dealing with the scars on her body.
Winifred didn’t want to do it. It took more than a year just to get facial plastic surgery done; now dealing with body scars would take another year or more. Adding it all up would be three whole years. She had already made the hospital her home and couldn’t stay any longer.
But when she took off her clothes and saw those scars on her body, even she couldn’t bear it anymore. With such an ugly body, would Garrison like it?
Winifred imagined marrying Garrison, wearing a white wedding dress and walking towards him step by step.
But now, with a body full of scars, wearing a wedding dress would look ridiculous and become a laughingstock.
Feeling disheartened, Winifred thought she should slowly undergo surgery to remove them.
Looking at herself in the mirror again after completing the plastic surgery on her face, she indeed looked prettier than before without that deep and ugly scar. After such long recovery periods, her skin turned very fair but with an unhealthy pallor that almost showed the blood vessels underneath.
Winifred raised her hand to touch her face; it felt so unfamiliar that even she couldn’t recognize herself anymore. She forced a smile at herself in the mirror but saw only bitterness reflected back.
“Who am I?”
“I am Winifred Dawson.”
Touching her face again, she muttered to herself, “Even with a changed face, I am still Winifred Dawson.”
Now this face felt more like a mask; Winifred didn’t want to look in mirrors anymore.
When she had scars on her face before, she didn’t like looking in mirrors either because she didn’t want to face the ugly reflection inside them.
It showed that whether she lost memory or not, she always cared about her appearance.
Now with a new face, she was even more reluctant to look in mirrors. Sometimes while washing her face and seeing her reflection in the water surface below made her agitated enough to splash water everywhere.
At night she would have nightmares where this surgically altered face suddenly peeled off into bloody flesh; often waking up from these nightmares left her sensitive and jumpy.
Her psychologist advised her to see things more openly and told her it was normal since psychological trauma isn’t easy to heal completely; depression could accompany someone throughout their life especially during seasons like this when it easily relapses.
Taking medication properly and getting enough rest were essential; compared to others’ conditions, hers was already better, since at least she knew when to call doctors for help or treatment properly. Many patients who couldn’t even take that step, causing their health condition to deteriorate further…
Garrison initially found it hard getting used to seeing Winifred’s new face too. It felt like looking at someone else entirely despite being the same person. Changing facial features seemed changing the entire aura along with Winifred.
Previously Winifred’s overly exquisite looks made her appear vibrant and inviolable, while now softer features made her appear more delicate. She was like a beautiful yet thornless flower…
Over time though, he got used to seeing this version of her and accepting her internally.
Winifred cared deeply about her appearance. She wanted compliments of her new look after the cosmetic surgery, but there was a conflicted within herself especially around Garrison. She wanted him love current look yet fearing if he truly did as it meant he didn’t like her old self.
Torn with such questions, she couldn’t escape struggling alone. That’s why her psychological issues remained unresolved…
No one demanded her becoming a certain type of person. Everyone encouraged her to be herself, but she lost herself bit by bit and couldn’t distinguish her real self.
Garrison once suggested changing her name but immediate refusal followed. She feared that it would harder to know who she was if her name was changed.
She would keep the name. It was bestowed by her parents. Though she had forgotten them, deep down she thought her biological parents must love her dearly.
Child’s name reflected parental hopes. She had a beautiful name. Perhaps it indicated she was born into a happy family blessed with parental love…