Chapter 223:
Miles’ Plea
Chris’s Point of View:
The day dragged along like a snail. I spent a good deal of it fixed to my desk, mindlessly staring at the blinking cursor on the screen of my laptop as I wrestled for words to Megan’s book. My head simply would not stay off her, to how her eyes had lighted up when she was talking of her dreams and fears, the way that she had laughed, a sound both delicate and strong. Thing was, my head was going to be full of feelings I wasn’t ready to face. It wasn’t actually that there was nothing to say.
I was deep inside my head when the doorbell snapped me out of the reverie. I pushed my chair back and rubbed my eyes before heading toward the door. I opened the door to find Miles standing there, looking so disheveled, vulnerable than I had ever seen him.
“Miles?” I said, surprise plain in my voice. “What are you doing here?”
“Chris, I need to talk to Megan,” he said, straining his voice. “Is she here?
I hesitated. “She’s not, but she’ll be back soon. Do you want to come in?”
Miles nodded, and I stepped aside to let him in. He looked around my small apartment, clearly uncomfortable. I gestured toward the couch, and we both sat down.
“So,” I finally said, trying to break some of the awkwardness, “what’s going on?”
Miles sucked in a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair. “I’ve messed up, Chris. I’ve really messed up. And I need to make things right with Megan.”
“Okay,” I said cautiously. “What exactly have you done that you need to make right?”
He turned toward me; his eyes had watery remorse. “I walked out on her at the time she needed me most. I got scared and ran. But now I realize that was a mistake. I need to put up an apology, explain myself. Let her know I still care about her.”.
I locked my eyes with his for a bit. Much to my surprise, he showed sincerity of repentance in his eyes. At the very same time, on the other hand, there was a part of me that wanted to spare Megan further heartache.
“You really hurt her, Miles,” I said to him. “She’s been trying to move on, and in fact, does great. And is this the right thing to do, coming back into her life?
Miles heaved a deep sigh. “I know it won’t be easy, but I have to. She deserves an explanation, and I really do need to put things right with her. The guilt is ripping me apart.”
Slowly, I nodded. “Alright, but you’ve got to be prepared for the fact that she may not forgive you. She’s stronger now, with new ways to cope.”
“I know,” he said softly. “But I have to try.”
The jingling of keys reached the lock, and the door opened. Megan stepped inside. Tired, radiant, she looked, her eyes widening at the sight of Miles sitting on the couch.
“Miles? What are you doing here?” she asked, half in shock and half in confusion.
“Megan, I am so sorry to just stop by like this,” he said, standing up, “but I really need to talk with you. I need to explain.”
Megan looked at me, and I nodded minutely at her, encouraging her wordlessly. She turned around to Miles again and took a deep breath.
“All right,” she said. “Let’s talk.”
Miles nodded in appreciation. “Thanks.” He stopped a moment, collecting his thoughts. “I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m gonna ask for it anyway. I was such a coward, Megan. I ran away when things got hard, and I hurt you. I’m so sorry.”.
Megan crossed her arms over her chest, and her face seemed to protect her. “You really hurt me, Miles. You just left, without a word. Can you possibly know what that did to me?”
“I do,” he said, his voice cracking. “And I hate myself for it. I was scared. I didn’t know how to handle everything that was going on. I thought you would be better off without me.”
“Better off?” Megan’s voice rose. “You left me to do everything on my own. You bailed on me when I needed you the most. How is that better?”
Miles winced, but he didn’t retreat. “You’re right. It was a lousy decision. I regret it every day, and I’ve spent the last months trying to work out what went wrong with me, trying to work out why I did what I did, and I know now that I was wrong. I should have stayed and fought for us.”.
Megan shook her head, her eyes welling up with tears. “You don’t get to just waltz back into my life and everything’s all forgiven. It doesn’t work that way.”
“I know,” Miles said very softly. “And I don’t expect it to. I just wanted the chance to tell you how sorry I am, and to ask if there’s any way we can start over. Even if it’s just as friends.”
Silence was heavy. In Megan’s eyes, I could see her wrestling with feelings. Part of me wanted to move forward, to protect her from any more hurt, while another part of my being knew she had to do this alone.
Finally, she spoke: “Miles, I do appreciate your apology. I really do. Things have changed. I’ve changed. I’m not the same person I used to be when you left.” She said with calm in her voice, “I had to find my strength by myself standing on my own.”
“I can see that now,” Miles said, “and I am proud of you, Megan. You have always been strong, even when you didn’t realize it.”.
Megan sighed back a tear and said, “I don’t know whether to trust you again. That will take time. But perhaps… maybe we might try and rebuild something. Slowly.”
Miles’s eyes brightened at this very slender hope. “Thanks, Megan. That is all I could ask for. I’ll show you I have changed, that I am worthy of your trust.”
She hardly nodded her head and smiled. “We shall see, Miles. We shall see.
There we stood, eye to eye, and this strange sense of relief came upon me. Perhaps, just maybe, a chance at healing did exist. For both of them. And for the first time in a long while, I felt a glimmer of hope.
For quite some time after Miles had left, Megan and I just sat there in silence. Her eyes were red from the emotional encounter, and even from my side, one obviously could see that she was very tired.
“Are you okay?” I asked her as softly as possible.
She nodded very slowly. “Yeah, I think so. It was just…a lot to take in.”
I reached out and took her hand in mine, squeezing it reassuringly. “You did real good. I’m really proud of you.”
“Thanks, Chris,” she said softly, “I don’t know what’s gonna happen where Miles is concerned, but I’m just glad that I got to say my piece.”
“Whatever happens, you know I got your back,” I told her. “We’re in this together.”
Megan smiled, and for a second there, it almost seemed the weight rolled off her shoulders. “I know, Chris. Thanks.”