Chapter 174:
Reflections and Regrets
Megan’s POV:
Days had become such a whirlwind, and I so yearned for just a quiet moment to process everything happening in my life. My training was quite aggressive, my dealings with Max deepened, and the shadows of my past seemed to loom everywhere. I took a walk, needing some fresh air to clear my mind and reflect on where I was heading.
I walked in the park, and my head was just a mass of regrets and reflections. The leaves rustled softly in the breeze, and I hoped the serenity of nature might help me find some clarity.
Coming up to a bench apart, by a small pond, I found it taken by one man-Chris. It was his sudden presence, but I felt a strange sense of relief that came with his being there. He and I had not spoken since our last conversation, and now the tension between us seemed particularly thick.
“Hey, Chris,” I said, coming up carefully to the bench.
Chris’s face tipped up, surprise and relief warring for dominance. “Megan. I hadn’t expected to see you here.”
“I needed some time to think,” I said, dropping down beside him. “And it looks like you did too.”
“Yeah,” Chris agreed, turning out toward the pond. “It’s been a lot lately. Thought a quiet spot might help me sort through my thoughts.
We just sat there for some time, the soft sounds of the park serving as a simple background to our quietness. There was something in the tranquility of the scene that goaded both of us to say our minds about what we wanted to say.
“So,” Chris finally broke the ice, “how are you doing? I mean, things have been… well, complicated.”
“I’m managing,” I said, after a deep sigh. “It’s just that sometimes I feel there is a million things happening all at once and balancing them gets really hard.
Chris nodded as if he understood. “I get it. It’s like there’s some kind of yanking at you all the time for attention. At times, one feels out of control.”
“Exactly,” I said. I had a feeling he would understand, and it was such a relief. “And then regrets. Choices which I made in the past …they seem to haunt me, no matter how much I move on.”
“Regrets can be hard to shake off,” Chris said softly. “I’ve got my own set of them. Things I wish I had done differently, decisions I regret.”
I gazed at him, interested, and asked, “Like what?”
Chris cleared his throat. “Well, for one, I wish I could have stood up for myself a lot sooner. I spent so much of my life trying to stay out of the way, to stay in the background. But sometimes I wonder if I let too many opportunities get away from me.”
“I know what you mean,” I said, reflecting on the regrets that plagued me. “There have been moments when I wish I had chosen otherwise, taken another road. But, I suppose, who doesn’t?”
“Yeah,” Chris agreed. “It’s a part of life. But it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.”
We fell silent once more, as those ‘what ifs’ weighed heavy in the air. Its kind had such a far-from-peace-like complement in the serene surroundings-the kind of upheaval going on inside both of us.
“Does it feel to you like you are constantly living in the shadow of your past?” Chris broke the silence to ask.
“All the time,” I admitted. “It’s like no matter how hard you try and move forward, it catches up with you. It’s frustrating.
Chris had on a reflective face. “Sometimes, it feels like the more we try to escape our past, the more it seems to define us. Maybe the key is somehow to put it all into balance with one another.”
“How do you do that?” I asked, genuinely curious.
“I’m still trying to figure that out,” said Chris. “But I do believe it is by first accepting the fact that the past is part of us. It doesn’t define us completely; it’s just part of the puzzle. Maybe by acknowledging, we can start moving forward in a better way.”
“That’s an interesting perspective,” I said. “I have been so focused on trying to blot out my mistakes of the past that I really haven’t thought about accepting them.”
Chris smiled reassuringly. “It’s not easy. Accepting our past doesn’t mean we have to like it or agree with it. It simply means acknowledging that it was part of the journey.
“I’ll have to think about that,” I said, and truly felt the first welling of hope. “Maybe there’s something to that.”
Chris’s eyes softened. “You’ve been through a lot, Megan. But you are strong. You’ve proven that over and over again. And I believe you will find a way to reconcile your past and move on.”
“Thanks, Chris,” I said, genuinely appreciative for his encouragement. “I needed that.”
We just sat there in silence for a bit, lost in our personal regrets and choices. The conversation had purged; probably for the first time in a while, I was crystal clear.
The sun was setting in warm rays across the park, so Chris stood up. “I should probably get going. But I’m glad we had this talk.”
“Me too,” I said, standing up. “It has been nice to touch base.”
Chris smiled and nodded toward me. “Take care, Megan.”
“You too, Chris,” I replied, turning to watch him leave.
As I sat back down onto the bench, the sense of resolution fell upon me. The past might be riddled with regrets, yet this didn’t have to define my future. Speaking with Chris really put much into new perspective for me, and I was ready now.
Now the soft tones of twilight set over the park, and an air of peace came to rest in the atmosphere. It was not easy to look back on things I regretted, but it had been a step on the way to healing. And that was a path worth taking.