The reason why Winifred asked that question was that she felt unworthy of such kindness and didn’t believe she deserved it.
She wasn’t attractive, was skinny, and had a fiery temper. She even lost a toe. From head to toe, she couldn’t find a single redeeming quality of herself. She couldn’t even eat properly without help. Her body was riddled with injuries and illnesses, both inside and out. The cost of her medical treatments was astronomical, and she had no money.
Thinking about it, she felt utterly worthless and a burden to others.
As self-contempt arose from her heart, she felt inferior in every way.
She should have had pride and never yielded to difficulties…
However, Winifred had no pride left; her pride had been crushed over the past five years and could never feel proud again.
Now, she didn’t even know who she was. She had no memory of her past or what kind of person she used to be. Did she have family? How did she meet Garrison? What was their relationship? She knew nothing.
Living every second in fear, Winifred constantly thought she was a burden to Garrison but couldn’t bear to leave him.
When alone, Winifred wondered if she had been entirely different before. What was her true self like?
A movie called “A Werewolf Boy” was playing on the TV in her hospital room. Watching the male lead, she felt a connection.
She wondered if she had no family, if her parents abandoned her when she was young. Was she a wild child raised by dogs, which is why she couldn’t even eat properly now?
Was her missing toe chewed off by something? And what about the scars on her face?
Winifred couldn’t see any good in herself and couldn’t understand why Garrison treated her so well.
She loathed herself so much that she avoided mirrors. How could Garrison tolerate her? Didn’t he find the scars on her face ugly? Didn’t he think she was useless?
Garrison held her nervous hand with one hand and gently touched her head with the other. In a voice she’d never heard before, he said, “Because you are my fiancee.”
His voice was slightly hoarse but very pleasant to listen to. The low, husky tone sounded like an electric cello, making one’s ears tingle.
Winifred blinked. “Fiancee?”
“Yes, fiancee. You promised to marry me before. You said we would get married one day and you would become my wife.” Half of what he said was true; back in Midlands, Winifred did agree to be his girlfriend on her 19th birthday. But Leland Burns came between them, separating them for seven years.
Seven years apart changed them both profoundly, but perhaps their feelings remained the same.
“What was I like before?” Winifred asked cautiously in a raspy voice.
Recalling the past while looking at the current Winifred was cruel for Garrison.
Sensitive by nature, Winifred always felt that Garrison looked at her as if he were seeing someone else. This made her want to run away; she loosened her grip on his clothes and lowered her head.
“I must have been different before,” she said quietly. Otherwise, how could Garrison have liked her enough to make her his fiancee?
Winifred didn’t understand how she ended up like this-injured and disfigured. She wanted to ask but didn’t dare. She wanted to know what she used to be like but feared the answer.
She feared that Garrison loved the person she used to be. Although past and present, she was still Winifred-the same person without any change.
Yet deep down, she felt like two different people. She wasn’t who she used to be, creating an internal conflict that was hard to explain to others.
Lowering her head, avoiding Garrison’ gaze, Winifred wanted him to understand her feelings but feared he would agree with her-that they were two different people-leading him not to love her anymore because who could love someone so broken?
Garrison watched Winifred lower her head like an ostrich hiding from danger. He sighed softly and placed his hand on her frail shoulder.
“Winifred,” he asked gently, “do you understand what love is? Or rather, do you know what love means now?”
Winifred shook her head without lifting it.
After a few seconds of silence, lost in thought, Winifred said hesitantly, “Is love not being able to leave each other? Is it dependence?” Like how she depended on Garrison now.
“Not entirely,” Garrison replied slowly as if teaching a student an important lesson. “Dependence might just mean a lack of security or habit.” His hand moved down from her shoulder to hold Winifred’s calloused hand. “There are many feelings that can be called love in this world. Everyone has their own definition of love-some fall in love at first sight because of appearance; some develop feelings over time due to compatible personalities; others might be drawn together by circumstances like money…”
Listening intently to Garrison’s steady voice as he spoke slowly and clearly, Winifred raised her head.
“Then what kind of love do you have for me?” None of the types Garrison mentioned seemed to apply to her-she wasn’t beautiful or rich; neither did she have virtues or good personalities…
Garrison squeezed the back of her hand gently where it was soft compared to the calloused palm-feeling the faint pulse beneath his fingertips like a heartbeat.
Looking into Winifred’s eyes earnestly, Garrison answered seriously, “My love for you is simply because you are Winifred-no matter how you change-I will always love you-not because of your appearance or money or personality… Even if you grow old overnight into an old lady-I will still recognize you.”
Winifred froze momentarily as if struck by lightning-trying hard to digest what Garrison just said.
Garrison reached out and tapped lightly on her nose before asking cheerfully, “Do you understand what love is now?”
Winifred shook her head again-afraid of seeing disappointment on Garrison’s face-she turned away-but immediately felt him cup her face gently turning it back towards him.
Looking into her eyes tenderly yet firmly, Garrison said, “It’s okay. I will wait for you.”
Wait for you to understand love, to love me, to accept me, to marry me, and for us never ever parting ways again.