My marriage limped along for about four months like a three legged dog trying to chase a Ferrari, before we both mutually gave up.
I was consumed with anger for her adultery and guilt for my reaction. She had all kinds of emotions. I came home from a hunt to find her gone, with a note on the kitchen table.
“Sammy,
I’m sorry. I can’t live like this anymore. Even if you still love me, you’ll never trust me again. And I hope I’m wrong, but I have the feeling you’re the one that shot us.
I called my old company in Oregon, and they have a position for me. I took it, and was on a plane two hours after you left. I took just what I needed, and my mom will come over in a week or two to get anything I left that you don’t want.
I know I should have told you in person, but I’m a coward. I’m sorry again. I should have been what you wanted, but I’m not, at least not anymore.
I will always love you. I wish you a good life.
Jen”
I stood there looking at the note, and while I felt great sadness, a large part of me felt relief. Our marriage had ended when I caught them and pulled the trigger.
She had called Sarah before she left. She was there in two hours. She read the note, hugged me, and sent me to bed for a nap.
She stayed three days before I convinced her I could handle it. I found her talking on her phone a lot when she thought I couldn’t hear her. I asked her about it.
Her face lit up.
“You’ve had problems so I didn’t say anything. I’m engaged! We’ve been seeing each other for about six months. He was like me, and we both decided it was time to grow up. We’re going to Vegas next month, he’s always had a fantasy of getting married by Elvis.”
I hugged her.
“That’s great Sarah. What the hell are you doing here? Go home to your man. Tell him I said how lucky he was. And remind him if he’s mean to you, I have an extensive gun collection.”
She giggled.
“I will! Half the neighborhood thinks you shot Jenny and asshole anyway. Might just keep him in line.”
The old group had a party to wish her well and meet her guy. It was held at my house. I didn’t like him, but that didn’t mean anything.
I got another promotion, but I had to move to take it. I didn’t mind, there wasn’t really anything holding me here.
My new job was actually a little closer to my dad’s place, just on the other side. I still went once a month to the trials, just to have something to do.
My dad passed away the next year. Jimmy and Jerry took over the kennels, they liked it more than I did. Jerry moved into the house.
The farm was split three ways, and I ended up with the piece I wanted. Sixteen acres, mostly wooded, part of it going up the side of a mountain. I cut a road to a small bench, and built a small log cabin. By small I meant about seven hundred square feet. It was mostly a kitchen, living room, small bath ground floor, and a small bedroom up top. It was all the space I needed. I did almost all the work with help from my family, paying for the electricians and roofers.
I dated, but never got into anything serious, too afraid of my temper. I went to a visit my old friends occasionally, and loaned out the cabin a few times. I heard Jenny got married, and had two kids. As far as I know she never came back except to close up her mother’s house when she passed.
Sarah stayed married for two years before it imploded. Apparently he wasn’t as willing to abandon his lifestyle as he thought. She was devastated. She disappeared out of her lives for another year.
……………………
One day I heard a knock on my door.
It was Sarah. She looked older, tired and sad. She was holding a bluetick puppy in her hands.
“Hi, Sammy. Can we come in? I think she’s house trained.”
I was at the cabin. I had been giving serious thought to moving there full time. I liked the solitude, and it had all I needed.
“How did you know I was here?”
“Jimmy told me. When did you change your number?”
I had been plagued for about a six months by a druggie that got my number mixed with someone else. I stopped answering the phone and she started texting me, offering me a good deal on different kinds of drugs. I finally got so fed up I showed the text to a deputy sheriff. He took my phone for three hours, copying everything.
He texted her back to set up a buy, bought from her, and back trailed her to the big supplier. He was the one who told me to change my number, just in case somebody tried to trace it for revenge.
I told her the story of my adventure into the drug trade. She laughed, saying stuff like that could only happen to me. I had reproduced my outdoor kitchen down to my clay oven, so we made a pizza and drank a little wine.
I asked her about the dog.
“I stopped at the kennel to try and find you. One of your cronies was there trying to give this little darling away. He said if he couldn’t find a home for it he would give her to the pound. I couldn’t stand the thought she may not get adopted, so I took her.”
We found out pretty quick she wasn’t house trained.
It got late. I had a fold out couch that I made up for her, and said goodnight. I woke about three to find her in bed with me, snuggled to my back. I stirred and she hugged me tighter, so I relaxed and went back to sleep.
Nothing was said the next morning. She was up before me, rattling around in my small kitchen, fixing breakfast. I stumbled down and she gave me coffee and a kiss on the cheek.
We walked the woods, and I showed her my solar panels that powered the cabin. It was fairly cheap to power a house that small, and I had a gas generator system for backup. The puppy trotted in front of us until she got tired, and then Sarah carried her back to the cabin.
We went out for burgers, and ate popcorn later as we watched some sappy romance she picked. I saw her sniffling once in a while.
Something was on her mind. I was patient. She would tell me when she was ready.
When it was bedtime she looked at me.
“Can I come on up with you, or should I wait until you fall asleep?”
“I’ll exchange bed space for an explanation.”
She looked lost and alone.
“If you let me snuggle tonight I’ll tell you all about it in the morning.”
“Deal, but tonight I get the left side.”
I knew by her actions she didn’t want sex, just comfort. This time she was spooned to me, and I had my arms wrapped around her. I woke once, she was trying to be quiet while she cried. I was about to say something when she patted my hands and shushed me. It was a long time before she went back to sleep.
I had to work the next day, so I slipped out of bed when the alarm went off, trying not to wake her. I let her puppy out of her cage to answer the call of nature, then quietly slipped it onto the bed. It licked her hands, then settled back into sleep.
I found her out in the yard when I got home, playing with the puppy. She gave me a happy hug, told me dinner would be ready in half an hour.
We ate a really nice meal. I thanked her for it, and she actually blushed. The roof of the cabin extended out across the front, giving me a nice porch that I kept a couple of rockers on. We took our tea outside to enjoy the sunset. We sat in companionable silence, both of us rocking slightly. She spoke so quietly I almost missed her saying it.
“Sammy, can I live here for awhile?”
I kept rocking, thinking about it.
“As long as you want, honey. I can go back to my apartment and you can…”
She shook her head violently.
“No! I meant can I live with you for awhile. Wherever you are, here or your apartment. I just don’t want to be alone right now.”
I needed to know.
“All right, you can stay as long as you want. You know you have to tell me why, right?”
She nodded, thinking.
“Sammy, you ever reach a point in your life when you realize all your plans are just so much dust? That’s where I am now. I was happy in college and the first few years afterwards. I enjoyed my party life, and didn’t care what people thought of me. I never lied or deliberately hurt anyone. I saw all our friends marry, and knew I wasn’t ready yet. Another few years went by and then all our married friends starting splitting up. It was sad, and reaffirmed my decision.”
“Then I got an STD. Not one of the serious, life altering kinds, but it still scared me. I looked at Ron and his wife, and you and Jen, and wanted what you guys had. I don’t know if you remember it, but I told you once right before you guys split up I was thinking about changing my life.”
“And I did. By then you and Jen were getting ready to divorce and I resolved to be really sure. I thought everyone should be in love as intensely as you two, and when it fell apart it gave me pause.”