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Book:Lycan Pleasure (erotica) Published:2024-7-24

He raised his head once more, his blind eyes fixed on the horizon. “After that, more people arrived. Later, I discovered that it was Annie and Caleb, even though they had given the Vampire Queen and her King control.
Together all four of the most ancient beings on the planet fought with my feral side, slowly subduing me until Kothari came to life and peace settled over the day. I was buried so deep within our mind that there was no hope of me ever coming out again unless Kothari ceded control. My parents took me away for some weeks to be sure that their magic had worked to contain me. When they deemed it to be a success they returned to the pack and Kothari began his life as one of the Varcolac. Whenever I came too close to the surface, Kothari would meditate using Thai Chi. If that didn’t work he would use his mind to cut and release the building pressure. Today I was trying his system. The closer I come to finding my parents the more feral I feel.”
There, it was now out in the open, he had finally spoken the damning words that had haunted him for all of his life. If she had sense, she would start running and never look back. Part of him wished that she would. The other part of him longed for her acceptance. He knew that part was Kothari lurking within. Who would get their way this time? He turned his gaze on her to see her expression.
He’d expected loathing or compassion but what he saw was unease and confusion. He wondered what she was thinking and if she was ever going to speak. Finally, she took a deep breath, perfect lips opening to exhale quietly.
“Why do you always differentiate between Kothari and Agony?” she finally asked, her head tilting to the side. “You act as if you’re separate beings but you’re both the same. One child was born that day, Agony, not two. I can’t even begin to understand how traumatic it was for everyone involved, but the fact of the matter is that only one child came out of your mother’s womb.”
Disappointment welled up sharply, an emotion he hadn’t much experience of. He was glad he hadn’t because he hated the way it seeped into every inch of his being like an insidious cancer. Why he’d thought she’d understand was beyond him. Growling he jumped up, the disappointment welling higher. As if she could sense his emotions, she jumped up too, a hand reaching out to him
“No, stop Agony, and think this through logically.” Natalia yelled as he went to take off.
His flight instincts were high, but there was something about the urgency in her voice that halted him, though he kept his back to her.
“Don’t you see what you’ve done?” she asked, compassion ringing in her voice.
Usually it was only his mother who spoke to him in that tone. That was enough to keep him standing there to hear her out.
“You’ve been so wrapped up in blaming yourself for what happened that day that you’ve created a good guy and a bad guy as a way to deal with it. You’ve made Kothari the good son and Agony the bad one. That’s how you’ve coped with the trauma of what happened to your mother and the guilt that you feel.”
If he tried to detach himself from the situation, he could admit that there was a certain logic to what she was saying. He didn’t want to listen to it though, even as he forced himself to remain rooted to the spot. Agony could feel her approaching, the compassion, and understanding in her voice holding him as if in a spell. He was afraid to breathe, afraid of being so vulnerable, and then a small hand gently touched the base of his back. Every nerve in his body ignited, and he froze under her touch, waiting to see what would happen next.
“Your birth wasn’t your fault, Agony,” Natalia whispered, the heat of her hand moving rhythmically against him. “You were just a baby with no real knowledge of what was happening. Probably your parents didn’t even realise that you were starving as you grew. I am presuming none of the other Varcolac had that issue?”
“They didn’t,” he confirmed, the heat of her hand sending comfort through his body. “I learned later that Liam once heard my mental cries when I was inside my mother. He was always overly empathic, even as a young child. He told them that I loved my mother and didn’t want to hurt her. No one understood what it meant or how important it would turn out to be.”
“See! If the adults couldn’t understand your needs then why on Earth do you expect yourself, a tiny a baby to have understood it? It wasn’t your fault, Agony. I know it. Your mother knew it, which is why she reassured you. It’s time for you to know it too. Forgive yourself for something you couldn’t have done anything about. As you’ve just told me to forgive myself for what happened to Carly.”
She was so good, so pure; she was perfection in a fragile human package. He yearned for her words to be true, to give in to her compassion, and forgive himself for the past. His parents were missing though, and they were in extreme danger. Agony was their only hope of surviving their abduction. He couldn’t let his parents down again.
“You are a child in a supernatural world, Natalia,” he bit out harshly as he whirled to face her, showing just how much of a monster he could be. He snarled furiously, ratcheting up his darkness so she would scream and run away. “You presume to make me weak with your words of love and compassion. Weakness will not save my parents. Weakness will not keep you and everyone else alive. Go back to the clearing with the others. Stay there until I tell you it’s time to move out.”
His abrupt about face startled her so much; Natalia took two steps backwards, fear shadowing her expressive features. She quickly masked it, a stunning flash of rage crossing her face.
“Do you think being a monster makes you strong, Agony?” She bit back, fury coming off her in waves. “Let me tell you what being strong really is. It’s about seeing your father killed and wanting to curl into a ball of misery, but you keep going. It’s about seeing all recognition of you disappearing from your mother’s eyes until it breaks your heart, but you keep going. It’s about traipsing half way around the world with a bunch of strangers who could kill you with one flick of their wrists, but you’re needed so you keep going. That is what being strong is all about, not throwing your weight around, and killing everything you see. Being strong is about being mentally strong as well as physically, and seriously, you bloody suck at that!”
With a furious snort, she brushed past him heading out of the clearing. She turned back for a moment, and he recoiled from the pity in her eyes. “Do you know what’s really sad about this whole thing, Agony? Yes, you have a darkness that is feral and bloodthirsty, but you are also Kothari, and love and care about your friends and family. You have a spectacular panther deep within you too. You just can’t see that you are not three separate beings inside one body, but one whole being who has three distinctly different qualities. The sad part is until you accept that, until you become as one, you will never see that you will be the most remarkable being on this planet.”
Without another word, she whirled around and disappeared into the trees, leaving him seething at the verbal slap down, and yet oddly proud of the way she once again stood up to him. He had been wrong to open up and make himself vulnerable. He could see that now. Yet, a small part of him was glad that she knew the truth of what he was. She was aware of everything and she hadn’t run. It took strength to do that and her words echoed in his mind.
Until he’d met Natalia he hadn’t considered the merit of emotional strength, but now he was required to do so. It wasn’t usual for him to consider others’ perspectives, yet a frail human girl was seeping under his skin and forcing him to examine other ways of living. Yes, he could accept that there were different versions of strength in the world; however, she was wrong to think that her version was what would save his parents. He only knew one way to fight evil and that was through blood and death. His way was the only way they would succeed in their mission, and Natalia would just need to come to terms with that.
Perhaps Kothari was right about the little spitfire who had just left. While she aggravated him on one hand, he found himself more intrigued with her by the minute. Now was not the time to investigate that though. His mother and father were out there somewhere in the mountains and they were his top priority. He returned to the others by following Natalia and running his fingers through his hair. He hoped she would have calmed down by the time he got back. After that, they wouldn’t be interrupted and could focus on what they were there to do.