While holding back the rumbling in his chest, Max stepped quickly into the ICU room. Along the way, he kept thinking about what to say when he arrived in front of his father. Should he say hello, say everything will be okay, or apologize? Nothing felt right to express his feelings.
“Sir,” Minnie sighed when she noticed the man’s arrival. With teary eyes, the woman pointed towards the door. “Your father is waiting.”
Without a chance to say thank you, Max nodded and rushed to the door. His pace was so fast. He had never faced such a tense moment in his life.
However, as the door opened, his steps slowed down. The air had grown heavier. It took more effort for Max to be able to go through. After taking a quick breath and clenching his fists tightly, he went closer to the bed.
The first second Max’s eyes caught the image of his father, he suddenly caught the breath. His chest tightened with a feeling that was hard to describe. The old man’s condition was much worse than Max had imagined.
“Dad?” he sighed in a hoarse, barely audible voice.
With eyes starting to get wet, Max watched his father’s thin face. He couldn’t bear to see the yellow skin that made Herbert look helpless, and the huge belly that made the old man seem to have trouble breathing. The disappointment and anger that the son wanted to express, instantly evaporated and burned with pity.
The closer Max got to his father, the more pressure he felt. The man never imagined he would be in such a difficult position. His heart was still warm with traces of revenge. But, seeing his father lying weak, Max couldn’t deny the pity and sorrow.
When Max was right beside the bed, the tears could no longer be suppressed. Right at that time, he knew what to say to express his feelings.
“Does it hurt?”
The man’s sigh succeeded in awakening his father. With a slow motion, the old man pulled the eyelids and turned his head.
When Herbert saw the son whom he missed so much, his heavy eyebrows rose. A second later, sadness started to fill the space of his heart and eyes.
“Max …” Herbert called softly. After a glance, a single tear rolled down. With the remaining strength, the old man tried to raise his swollen hand.
Realizing his father’s difficulty, Max immediately grabbed the fingers that was trying to reach him. Holding back the pain, he muttered, “Why are you lying here? You should have stood up straight and scold me. I’ve been trying to escape reality. Don’t you hate cowards?”
Without warning, sadness flowed more heavily on Herbert’s face. With a weak motion, he shook his head. “I never hate you,” he said in a thin voice.
“Of course you hate me. I’ve failed to make you proud. Now, my body is very weak. One hit, I’ve fallen. I couldn’t even protect my wife and our baby. I completely fail to fulfill your wish to see me become a strong man.”
Herbert’s sighs instantly became hotter and deeper. His heart was full of wounds.
“Do you know?” the old man said slowly. “When you were born, it was the happiest moment in my life. I feel so great that I managed to have such a perfect child. That night, I couldn’t sleep because I kept staring at you. I believed that someday, you would definitely grow up to be a man who’s greater than me.”
A second later, Herbert’s hand rose higher, trying to do something he hadn’t done in too long. Stroking his son’s head.
“I should have never taken my hand off you. I should have never kicked you out of the house. I should’ve never pushed you away from me. I’m such a fool for not knowing my own son.”
“No, Dad,” Max shook his head with a face that had been flooded with tears. “It’s not your fault. Julian made things worse. He’s the one who separated us, the one that made you misunderstand.”
As if not hearing his son’s words, Herbert continued to review the memories.
“If only I could turn back the time, I want us to go back to the night market. I’ll take you to play longer. We can laugh louder. That way, there will be more sweet memories to remember.”
Max could no longer speak. The heat from the chest had spread to his neck. The air to breathe was difficult to pass, and so was his voice.
All Max could do was listening. He wanted to record as many words as possible from his father.
“If only I could change the past, I would like to come to your school and join the competition on Father’s Day. We can definitely win a lot of games and get a lot of medals. I also want to attend your graduation day and congratulate you. We can take pictures together and have memories to put on display.”
After a short pause, Herbert began to sob, “I’m sorry, Max. I wasted too much time.”
Unable to speak, Max just put Herbert’s hand on his face. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt that warmth. But little by little, he managed to remember the happy feeling every time his father patted his chubby cheeks.
As the son was drowning in that missed moment, Herbert suddenly sighed, “Gaby ….”
In just an instant, Max checked his father’s gaze. As it turned out, Gabriella was already standing behind him, not far from the door. The woman’s expression was so flat. It was hard to interpret.
A second later, Herbert’s hand began to rise, sending a signal for his daughter-in-law to approach. Realizing it, the woman stepped forward and stopped beside her husband.
“Mr. Herbert,” she greeted stiffly.
The old man shook his head in a slow movement. With drops of misery rolling down, he sighed, “Dad …. Call me Dad.”
Gabriella automatically glanced at her husband. After seeing Max nod, she swallowed hard.
“Dad,” the woman called in a trembling voice.
A sad curve of lips instantly painted on the old man’s face.
“Sorry for making your life difficult,” Herbert said, successfully inviting emotion in the woman’s eyes. However, with chin twitching and hands tightly clenched, Gabriella tried her best not to cry.
“I’m really a useless old man. I didn’t even attend my own son’s wedding,” Herbert regretted, shifting his gaze slowly. When his eyes returned to his son’s face, he closed his eyes in pain.
“Can I hug you?” the father asked, sounding quieter.
Without wasting any time, Max nodded in agreement. “Of course,” he sighed as he leaned closer to his father. The smile on Herbert’s face instantly turned peaceful.
For a few seconds, Max allowed his father to pat him on the back. Every now and then, he wiped his face so the gloom didn’t wet Herbert’s clothes. However, his sadness was too heavy. His father’s shoulders were still in tears.
“I’m sorry, Max. I’m sorry,” Herbert whispered. His voice was getting softer and softer.
The son’s heart no longer had room for sadness. Unfortunately, when he was about to express it, his father started coughing and could no longer speak.
“Dad?” Max sighed as he let go of the hug.
A second later, red liquid splattered from the father’s mouth. Witnessing Herbert’s suffering, Max could feel the pain. Wasting no time, he got up and pressed the emergency button.
Even though he had sent a signal for help, Max kept shouting for a doctor. Seeing the fear on the son’s face, Herbert’s brow furrowed. With increasingly ragged breaths, he quivered his lips, trying to utter the words. Unfortunately, his mouth was too full of blood, and soon after, his vision began to darken.
The sincere words were unspoken.