33

ELEANOR
I stared wordlessly at the ceiling, waiting patiently for the tell-tale signs of Zane’s breaths evening before slipping out of the room. I felt something break in me with every step I took away from him. My palm quickly fell over my lips to prevent the sobs from leaving them.
I felt my skin crawling with disgust at every part his hands touched -which was quite literally everywhere- the smell of his pheromones still clinging to my skin nauseated me and I wished I could claw the feeling of his hands and body on me out of my brain. I still found it hard to believe this was what fate held for me. Zane was my mate. The one person I would give everything to see dead. The one who broke and destroyed my whole life.
The moment I shut the door after myself, I broke into a full sprint, unable to stop myself. It was well into the night outside, but that didn’t stop me from running all the way to the slave’s quarter.
I couldn’t head straight to my room looking like this, I was a mess, and my head was still swimming with thoughts, horrible, appalling ones. I rushed towards the bathroom first, wanting to rid myself of his pheromones, stripping out of my clothes and stepping under the shower once inside. I set the water temperature to the warmest one possible and waited patiently as the once lukewarm water grew hotter.
I swallowed a pained moan as the scalding water hit my skin. It was perfect. This would wash it all away and fast. I did not think I could bear the smell of him and the feeling of his hands on me any longer. The discomfort from the water was nothing compared to how I felt when he continuously used my body for his pleasure.
Soon, his pheromones started to fill the now stuffy air of the bathroom. It was pungent as it filled my lungs alongside the heavy steam of the hot water. I hated it and hated myself for reacting to it even against my will. I was consumed with self-loathing at my obliviousness, Zane had dropped clues everywhere all this time, but I was just too stupid to see it. I’d allowed my thirst for revenge to cloud my mind so much that I didn’t even realize who was right next to me, and I probably deserved the punishment I was getting for that.
With a choked sob, I released my claws and began clawing at my skin. I didn’t want to be in this soiled, tainted body anymore. I should just rip it all off and let Alpine give me a new one during the healing.
As I continued to scratch and claw in hysteria, my fingers accidentally brushed over the mark on my neck, and I felt the tingly sensation zap through my body, and I shivered. It was the mark Zane had left on my neck. I didn’t get a look at it to see how it looked, but I was screaming and downright wailing again at the thought of being bonded to that monster forever. The thought of it scared the hell out of me. Carrying his mark would mean I would be unable to bring harm to him without hurting myself.
I needed to get rid of the mark, I sniffle, sucking in a breath before clawing, especially hard at my neck. A pained cry escaped my lips at that, but I was determined. ‘It had to disappear. It didn’t belong there,’ I mutter to myself as I continue to scratch at it.
“Enough Eleanor! You’re only hurting yourself. This won’t change the fact that he is our mate, and we will just have to deal with feeling like this until the time comes to take out all out suppressed anger on him. I am so sorry you had to go through that, but please, stop hurting yourself,” I heard Alpine beg through the mind link. I scoff at her words, paying no mind to them as they only seemed to make me scratch at my skin faster and deeper.
I could feel his pheromones slowly leave my skin and become less thick in the air around me. The smell of my blood fills the bathroom, and I smile at the sight of it flowing down the drain. My body had either gotten used to the scalding water, or I’d just gotten numb to it. I didn’t care if I had to be rid of my skin. Everything was fine as long as I no longer smelt like him. A little more, and his pheromones would be completely gone.
Hot tears poured down my cheeks as I stare at the skin of my arms that were almost as red as the blood that was washing away with the water. The tender skin was easier to peel off, and the sting I felt after was a small price to pay.
“Enough Eleanor, don’t make me take control of your body, STOP!!” Alpine yells this time.
“You live rent-free inside of me. You are supposed to be my wolf, but you did nothing but watch as he hurt me. What kind of a wolf are you? Always leave when things get bad and then come back as you wish! What makes you think I need you now after the deed has been done? I don’t need you, Alpine, so fuck off. Crawl back to that fucking hole you’ve made it a habit to hide in and don’t show yourself to me ever again!” I scream back. I hated everything at the moment and her especially. I hated the way she watched as he violates me and thinks she has a say now that I am trying to forget about it.
The pain I was feeling right now wasn’t as painful as the excruciating pain I had to go through at the hands of Zane. This pain was the least of the pain I’ve had to feel since the cursed day that I arrived in this pack.
“Eleanor, I’m sorry. I’m sorry you were put through all this. You don’t understand me at the moment but you will soon. If I’d attacked Zane and at the heat of the moment, that would only endanger us more, I am-” I cut her words off with crazed laughter.
“Do you think I fucking cared about all these at that moment? You could’ve fucking tried atleast. We could’ve hurt him at the very least. You killed that gamma wolf in seconds so do not try to tell me you would be powerless against that bastard!” I barked back.
“I understand you are not thinking straight right now Eleanor, which is why you would make such a suggestion. If I had harmed Zane, do you think he would’ve just let it slide? Even if we are able to escape, your friends would have to take the heat of his anger. You know what he is capable of and you know he won’t stop until you crumble at his feet and beg. Do you want me to hurt him and watch your friends get hurt” Alpine asked and I hate that she was right but I had expected her to do something about it.
“Just… stay away from me right now Alpine, and don’t act like you know me more than I know myself. Please leave me alone” I said with finality before blocking the mind link.
I crumbled to the ground and scream out in pain, but it seemed even my vocal cords failed me as all I did was try and fail to get the pained cries out. Now I couldn’t even cry to ease the pain.
It felt like I wasn’t myself, everything about this body wasn’t mine anymore. I couldn’t understand my body nor could I begin to put together what would happen after this.
Would it still be possible to carry out my plans? Am I strong enough to do it? I won’t deny the fact that I’m scared, I am terrified of the unknown, and I’m scared of what he will do to me now that he knows that I am aware of the fact that I was his mate and that I’m able to sense and feel the mate bond.
Would he forcefully mark me and make me live the rest of my life in fear, not knowing when he would grow tired of me and sentence me to death? Would he wait until I’m in rut and try to make me carry his pups?
‘Oh no!!! Oh no!! Please no!!!’ I heaved out at the thought of being marked by him or getting pregnant. The thought of those two things probably happening scared the shit out of me. I would rather die than let that happen. I would rather give up on my revenge than be tied to him forever.
“Oh no, Eleanor… What have you done” I heard a new voice say and I raised my head to see Jasmine falling on her knees next to me? “Snap out of it, I’m here now love, I’m here for you, so please don’t hurt yourself anymore, please. Just cry, let it all out, but please don’t do this to yourself” Her soft soothing voice was all it took for the damn to break loose again and I broke out into a heart-wrenching cry all while she holds me closer to herself.