Beth came out screaming. She had a white blouse she was trying to struggle into, bare breasts bouncing wildly. At the same time she was trying to pull her tan skirt up. Apparently I’d gotten to them before they got busy, or he hadn’t bothered to remove it, but she had on a white thong. I’d never seen her in a thong. Pouring the rubbers into her car was easy. She locked her car religiously, even at home. But I had a key.
She was fumbling with her keys as I started towards her, before realizing it was unlocked. She jumped in, door open, and tried to crank up. It took about fifteen seconds for it to hit her. Her skirt was still up, and the white thong was no longer white. I stood there, snapping pictures and laughing uncontrollably.
I think it hit her what I’d done. She was screaming at me, struggling to get out of the car. I slammed the door, almost catching her leg.
“Don’t even think about getting your shit covered ass out! Better yet, go ahead. I still got the cover off the septic tank. I could drop you in, and close the cover. You could probably last an hour or two, dog paddling, but eventually you’d tire out and just slip under. Now that I know all I have to do is change the filters, it might be twenty more years before I have to have it pumped. By then all that would be left would be a few of the larger bones, and I doubt he’d suck them up in his hose. The more I think about it, the more it appeals to me.”
I pulled my set of keys out, to unlock the door. She threw her car in gear, flying backwards. She took out one neighbors’ mailbox, and knocked another down. She was flying out of our cul-de-sac at an alarming speed.
“Hey,” I yelled, knowing she couldn’t hear me, “this is a twenty mile an hour zone. Slow your ass down. This ain’t no residential area, this is a neighborhood!”
All right, I was a big Bill Cosby and Richard Pryor fan, before it was revealed what a perverted asshole Bill was in real life and what a druggie Richard had turned into. The line was off an old comedy album my dad had. I can’t recall who exactly said it.
I told Toni what I’d done, leaving out a few details, when she got home from school. She was shocked that her old man would do something like that, then she was impressed. “And people wonder who I got my personality from. That’s just precious.”
“You’re not mad about the way I treated your mother?”
“No. you didn’t physically hurt her, and she kind of deserved it. Bet she remembers this day for a long, long time. Now come on, and help me pack her stuff up. And be neat! You’ve already got your revenge.”
So we gently packed her clothes, her cosmetics, and her jewelry. When Toni found the sexy underwear, she took scissors and cut everything in two. I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
“Mom won’t answer the phone,” she told me as she came out with the last load. “She’s at Aunt Gwen’s, I just talked to her. I guess she owes Mom for covering for her little adventures. Too bad Uncle Jack found out anyway. I’ll be back in just a bit. You got her on the ropes right now, Dad. Might want to think about changing locks tomorrow.”
It was three hours before she came back. “Mom’s a wreck. She kept saying over and over it wasn’t supposed to be like this. I think she’s having some serious buyer’s remorse over her choices. If you can believe it, she wants to come home. I convinced her to give you a few days to calm down. Aunt Gwen followed me out, asking if I thought you could get past this and take her back. I just grinned and got in my car.”
I was still in full pain mode, and had her served at work. Gwen had to come and get her. Striking first, I got temporary custody. Even though I threatened to show everyone my tape, she fought the divorce and got the judge to order counseling. I was bitterly opposed, but my lawyer told me to suck it up and play along. Eight sessions. To my surprise, I kind of enjoyed parts of it.
The woman we drew was our age, moderately attractive, well built. I noticed she had no ring.
The very first session she asked us what we hoped to get out of the sessions. Beth went first.
“I want my husband and daughter back. I want to go home, and rebuild our marriage.” I kept a straight face. Then it was my turn.
“I’d tell you this is a waste of your time, Ms Turner, but it wouldn’t, because whatever the outcome you still get paid. Don’t worry. I’ll do my very best to remain calm, I’ll actually participate to the best of my ability. But there is absolutely no way I would ever want to remain married to Beth. She’s blown it, the damage is too deep. What I expect to get out of these sessions is your opinion in writing that this marriage is beyond salvation. So let’s begin, shall we?”