“The day of the parent-teacher conference. I wrecked my car. It was a gift from you and I was embarrassed. I didn’t want to tell you that I wrecked the car. I wanted us to take your car so that I could have more time. I had been practicing my excuses for 30 minutes, but before even I started to explain you were giggling. You knew, and didn’t care, before I even opened my mouth. That is why you were laughing.”
“Yeah, Susan. I did. I am sorry. I should have told you that you couldn’t lie to me. But you never really did anyway so I didn’t think it was important.”
“Shannon was right, I’m fucked,” she whispered.
“Susan, how did ‘Big’ Mike convince you to fuck him?”
“He didn’t.”
“What does Jason have? A video, pictures?”
“He has it on video. All three minutes.”
“And why did you panic and try to find a way to get me to cheat on you?”
“Rebecca Davis saw me leaving the hotel. We were supposed to have lunch. You were out of town, and she and I always have lunch. But I forgot, and she saw me. I knew it was a matter of time and I knew what it would mean.”
“Topic four, Doc. In the books.”
***
“He has her on video, Maggie. I want that video and I want him dealt with.”
“I’ll take care of it, David.”
“I am serious, Maggie. I want it done soon or you will get the chance to recharge your defense lawyer chops. Because, if I have to handle it, I will kill that mother fucker.”
“I understand, David.”
The next day, two plain manila envelopes were on my desk when I arrived back from my work out. I just stared at them for a long time. Finally, after lunch, I relented. One envelope contained Jason Smith’s resignation letter and a signed ten year non-compete agreement. The other was probably a DVD. The size and shape were right.
“Anything else, Mr. Stephens.”
“Yes, Miss Davis, thank you. Will you please have this delivered to personnel, and have them post a position announcement for a senior tax accountant. And have the contents of this envelope destroyed.”
“I’ll shred it personally, Mr. Stephens.”
“Thank you, Becky.”
***
“OK, David, you were right. You seem to have a very good grasp on the problems we are facing. But clearly Susan is sorry for her actions. She is willing to work hard at rebuilding your relationship. You clearly still love her. She is clearly completely and unashamedly in love with you. There is a lot to build on.”
“I believe all of those things are true, Doc. But none of that really matters.”
“OK, well what seems to holding you up? What can we do to move you towards possible reconciliation?”
“An impossible task. I wouldn’t even ask.”
Rhyming for God sakes. This was going downhill fast. I was really going to have to speak with Maggie about her judgment. Who in the hell certified Amanda Skinner as a therapist and where in the hell did she matriculate. Oh, there it was. University of Notre Dame. Fucking figured.
“Susan, what made you finally give in?”
“I am sorry, David. I don’t understand.”
“I am wondering why it took so long for you to give in. I wouldn’t imagine that slow of a drip would have been so convincing. I am wondering what changed your mind?”
“David. I am not following.”
“I am sorry, Susan. What magic trick did Jason Smith perform that finally freed you from your vows?”
“Uhh…”
“I mean he had worked for five years to get into your panties. That is a lot of effort for any piece of ass. Even yours, Susan. You have to admire the jack ass’s perseverance. I am wondering how he was finally able to shag you?”
“Five years? Oh, David, it wasn’t that long.”
“Sure it was, Susan. He caught your attention when he started volunteering for your charities. You even mentioned it to me. I even thanked your fuck buddy for his efforts. I remember it well. Are you saying that you don’t?”
“I remember, David.”
“Great. So what I am asking is after five years of ‘Susan, you are so beautiful’, ‘Susan, we would be really good together.’, ‘Susan, you are so special’, what made you change your mind? Unless, of course, you have been fucking for years.”
“No, David, it was only once. We only had sex once.”
“Right, for three minutes. My mistake. So what did he do? How did he win the fair princess?”
“I don’t know, David. I can’t remember.”
“We are heading into the deep shit with topic five here, Doc. You might want to start paying attention.”
“Susan, is it possible you can’t answer the question because he didn’t do anything different?”
“Yes, David. It’s possible.”
“You see, Doc. Susan has only ever lied to me three times. Pretty impressive as far as relationships as long as ours go, but also the reason we are getting divorced.”
“Mr. Stephens, what are you talking about?”
“Jesus Christ, Doc. Pay attention. Three lies. Once about a reservation. Once about a car accident. And once when she told me about one of her fuck buddies, but left out the other. Three lies in 15 years.”
“I still don’t see what is holding you back, Mr. Stephens.”
“She told the truth, Doc. That’s why. Why, Susan?”
“I don’t know, David. I honestly don’t know.”