It wasn’t something that we ever planned or even discussed, just sort of a habit that we fell into. As our night was coming to a close we would settle in for a drink or a late night snack and basically review the day.
“How was your day, Suze?”
“Everything was OK, honey.”
That was the sum total of our most frequent end of evening discussion. Sometimes if there was a problem, we actually talked it out. But problems were so infrequent that I always looked forward to the last discussion of each day. I would look into my wife’s beautiful eyes knowing that things had gone well and that she was truly happy. After that, it was always easy to drift off into a comfortable sleep.
***
During the past three days, our early morning discussions were getting stranger and stranger. It wasn’t necessarily the topics, we always talked about everything. No subject was ever off limits. It was the timing that bothered me. This was the third off the wall topic in as many days.
I set the toast on my plate and swallowed the bite I had just taken. I was purposefully deliberate when I reached for my mug of coffee.
“Do you know anyone who has a marriage like that?” she asked.
I was curious about what led to this topic, but I wasn’t all that worried. Yet. Or was I? I honestly don’t know.
“Yes, dear. I do know some people who claim to have an ‘open’ marriage.”
The expression on my wife’s face barely changed. But after having lived with her for almost 15 years, I knew she wasn’t done asking questions. I admit I was more than a bit curious about what she was thinking.
“Do I know these friends of yours?”
“Well, honey. I never said they were friends. I said I knew some people. I suppose you would recognize their names, if I told you. However, I imagine that you know some people who think they live like that, too.”
“Oh. OK. I suppose you’re right.”
And there it was. It was at that moment that I felt the first pang of sorrow in my chest. I saw the indecision in her eyes. She was afraid to ask me something, tell me something, or she was just plain hiding something. I had no idea what ‘it’ was, but ‘it’ was something. Unfortunately, I had a bad feeling about what ‘it’ might be.
The rest of my breakfast didn’t taste the same as it had when I started. Barely a word was said between us before the kids tumbled down from their bedrooms and hopped into their chairs. Our children were so full of energy and enthusiasm and love, it was nearly impossible to be melancholy around them. So it was all giggles and smiles until it was time for me to leave for work.
She was almost whispering as I walked out the door.
“I love you, David.”
“I know.”
I was surprised at how calm I felt. I didn’t know anything, really. And yet, I did know. She was feeling guilty about something and was afraid to tell me. We talked about everything. We disagreed about many things. We had discussions, never arguments. I was never angry with her, and I don’t think I ever gave her a reason to be angry with me.
But for the first time I could remember, I had left for work without giving my wife a kiss. I mean there had been other times, of course, when she was sick, or visiting her family or when I had been traveling for work. But for the most part, I started every day with a goodbye kiss and a promise to return home as quickly as possible.
But not that day.
It was the topic of our discussions that worried me and I knew it had the potential to get ugly.
***
My wife was a little better looking than your average girl next door type. She had dark flowing hair that naturally curled at her shoulders and the most beautiful blue eyes. The dimples on her cheeks when she smiled were adorable, but she had a sultry gaze she could bring out to remind you that she was all woman. She looked just as good with her hair in a pony tail, a baseball cap and sweatshirt, as she did dressed for night on the town in an outfit that left little to the imagination and heels that said, ‘yeah, you’re getting lucky tonight’. She always looked younger than her years. Her figure had barely changed over fifteen years and three children.
I had always known that she would retain her good looks and body. When we were dating and I met her mother for the first time, I thought I was meeting her older sister. And I wasn’t just being kind. I was legitimately shocked when I learned the truth. Later on, as I seriously considered a long term commitment, it was one of the factors that weighed heavily in her favor.
She was by no means model or movie star gorgeous. I suspect that at first glance most men wouldn’t have labeled her the prettiest woman in the room. But to me she was perfect, from the very first time I saw her.
It was her general attitude that sealed the deal for me. Everyone liked Susan. All of my friends, Maggie, everyone we ever met. She was comfortable and at ease in any situation, with any group of people and always maintained a positive attitude. She was lively and outgoing and just so much fun to be around.
I was that exact same way, when I was with her.
On my own I was more guarded and pragmatic. I would say that I would best be described as an introvert, but I was by no measure anti-social. I had maintained a large group of friends throughout my life. But Susan was almost the first person I ever told every secret. I hid nothing from her. I never even considered it.
***
I strolled out of the elevator a few minutes late after taking some time to visit the department heads and say a quick hello. Pretty standard for a Friday morning.
“Is everything OK, Mr. Stephen’s?” my assistant asked as I entered my office suite.
“As good as can be expected, Miss Davis,” I replied thoughtfully.
She stared at me briefly, then quickly went back to whatever she was doing before I arrived.
Fifteen minutes later, Rebecca Davis, was in my office, diary in hand ready to review the day’s schedule.
“The sales team will be in the conference room in 30 minutes. You have a conference call with King Pharmaceutical at 10:00. And Mr. Sloan, from Kipling Manufacturing is expecting your call at 11:00.”
She looked at me almost sorrowfully, “Would you like to review this afternoon’s schedule now, Mr. Stephens?”
I sighed as I stared out of my office window at the plaza below. Miss Davis and I reviewed the afternoon schedule right after my noon workout as we ate lunch together in my office. The same routine every day I was in the office for the past 10 years. I clearly hadn’t concealed my thoughts as well as I thought I had. But then again, Miss Davis had always proven to be invaluable at anticipating my every need. It was the reason she was paid as much as some of the senior staff.
“Reschedule everything that is not urgent until next week, please.”
“Right away, sir.”
She stood like she was on a mission and briskly walked to the door.
“Becky.”
She paused with her hand on the door knob.
“Yes, sir.”
“I need to see Maggie. First thing this afternoon.”
I am sure that if she hadn’t been facing the door the look on her face would have matched the shocked gasp that I heard.
“I’ll take care of it, Mr. Stephens.”
Then she was quickly out the door, leaving me alone with my thoughts.