Japen drove me to Badian, a town in southern Cebu known for its beautiful beaches. He parked the car at Casay Beach and turned off the engine. Neither of us moved. I stared ahead, noticing a small hut that seemed like a reception area.
I was still holding Japen’s hand, but the warmth I had felt earlier began to fade. In that moment, the realization of what I had done hit me. I blinked. Why had I held onto his hand? I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath.
No, I shouldn’t have done that. I quickly released Japen’s hand, opened the passenger door, and jumped out of the car, closing the door behind me.
What was I thinking? How would Japen see me now? What face should I present to him? Azora, you’re such a mess!
I heard the driver’s door open. Japen would be out any moment! Panic surged through me, making my heart race. No, I couldn’t let him see me like this!
I hurried towards the small hut. As I suspected, it was indeed the reception area. The woman behind the long wooden table smiled at me as I approached.
“Good morning, Ma’am. Welcome to Casay Beach!” she greeted warmly.
I nodded and smiled slightly out of courtesy. “C-Can I walk on the beach now? Um… I need to go to the beach before he sees me.”
The woman blinked at my words and smiled sheepishly. “May I ask for your reservation, Ma’am?”
“Uh… Reservation?” I scratched my cheek nervously and smiled at her. “I don’t think we have one-”
“Sofia, she’s with me.”
I froze at the sound of Japen’s voice. He was fast!
The woman glanced at the man behind me, then back at me. “Sure, Ma’am. You can enjoy the beach. As for your room-”
I didn’t let her finish. I sprinted towards another exit that I hoped led to the inner resort. I didn’t care about room reservations. All I wanted was to escape from Japen. I had no intention of spending the night at that little resort.
The salty breeze enveloped me as I stepped outside. My feet sank into the sand. I looked around.
The beach ahead shimmered under the morning sun. Some guests were enjoying the sea, while coast guards stood at a distance, ensuring everyone’s safety. Strangely, the sun wasn’t too harsh-it was still early, around nine in the morning, and not yet high in the sky.
I walked ahead, passing by nearby cottages. I didn’t need the shelter of those beautiful cottages; I wanted to walk further and further away, to avoid Japen’s gaze.
I couldn’t face him after what I had done. But I couldn’t help wondering why I did it. Why did I enjoy holding his hand? Why did I love his company? And why had I offered myself to be his girlfriend?
I slapped my forehead. This wasn’t like me at all. What had come over me? It was embarrassing! Just the thought of standing in front of him made me want to sink into the sand. No, I couldn’t face Japen until sundown. It was too embarrassing for me!
I sighed deeply, feeling my cheeks burn with embarrassment. What would Japen think of me? I remembered how he hadn’t said anything after my confession. He had even stopped the car-I knew he was in shock.
Azora Sirai, offering herself to be someone’s girlfriend? That was impossible. Plus, Dad would definitely come after him if he knew what I had asked.
Dad… I gulped and kept walking.
He was too overprotective for his own good. I didn’t understand why he stifled me so much. I mean, I knew he only wanted to keep me safe, and I appreciated that. But after Anthony’s death, I couldn’t muster the same respect I once had for him. It was too hard for me to show it-or even feel it.
And a huge emptiness settled in my chest. Maybe I was disheartened, or maybe I was heartbroken without knowing it. Then a hollow feeling began gnawing at me from the inside. It hurt. I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t. I was afraid people would see me as weak and pathetic. I didn’t want that.
I looked down. Some sand clung to my feet, but I shook it off and kept walking.
I didn’t know where I wanted to go. I just wanted to be alone, to be free for a while. I wanted to gaze at the blue sky, feel the waves on my feet, let the breeze kiss my skin, and lie down on the sand. I wanted to feel what it was like to truly be alive.
I reached a dead end. There were cables ahead and a warning not to proceed. I stopped and looked around.
It was silent, except for the gentle noise of the sea breeze, which was soothing. The waves weren’t too high, but they reached my feet. I smiled faintly.
Bending down, I picked up my sandals and tossed them away from the sea waves. Then I looked out at the wide horizon. There was a small boat in the distance, and I could see a man fishing, holding a net.
I sat on the sand, letting the waves wash over the hem of my white dress. A large tree behind me provided shade, so the sun didn’t bother me much.
I smiled again. This was exactly what I needed right now.
To be alone…