“Of course I love you. I’ve never felt anything close to what I feel for you. And to know that I hurt you, seeing you hesitate to be with me, knowing I’d lost a part of you through my insanity, it’s destroying me. How can I do what I do to you? To you!” I leaned my head back and screamed “FUCK!”
Her hand struck my cheek hard enough to make me see stars. A second blow followed quickly and I welcomed it. I turned my cheek and waited eagerly for another.
“Stop it!” she yelled. “I hate it! I hate it! If you’re done with me, be a fucking man and walk away. But don’t use some kind of stupid excuse like I’m not good enough for you!”
“I’m not,” I whispered.
“Shut up!” she screamed. “What happened to you? Where’s my Jack? Where’s the Jack who would fight for me, protect me, worship me? Where’s the confident Jack who doesn’t have to prove anything? Who knows he’s different, better?” She leaned down and held my face in her hands. “Where is he? The man who gets hard watching me walk into the room. The cocky bastard who can fuck a room full of women into oblivion, and then take me in his arms and let me know I’m the most important thing in the world.”
She laid down on me. “Where’s my Jack?”
I wrapped my arms around her, holding her softly. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
“Nobody has ever hurt me as bad as you have tonight,” she whispered sadly.
My hands caressed her soft back. My beautiful Debbie, who I knew was so fragile, and still acted without thinking around her. “I swear, Debbie, I’ll never hurt you again. Never again.”
I kissed her shoulder, and ran my hand down to her soft ass, caressing her. I pressed my lips to her flawless neck.
“You will. And I’ll hurt you. That’s life. But don’t turn away from me. Don’t throw away what we have.”
I felt a hand stroking my emerging hardness. Our darling Beth. The most wonderful woman in the world was lying naked on me. How could I not be excited? In spite of all my idiocy.
My hands continued to massage her delicious rear, and our young roomies’ hand guided me back into her. I felt Debbie settle backward to take me deeper.
She turned her face, and her lips sought out mine, kissing me gently. “There he is. That’s my lover, the man who needs me almost as much as I need him.”
I stroked into her, wondering what had come over me. I could have been doing this from the moment she climbed into my bed.
“I’m such a fool,” I told her. “I don’t think I ever realized how much you mean to me. Hurting you is the worst thing I’ve ever done. I detest myself for it.”
I heard the door close, and I looked around and noticed that our roommate had left us. God, I hoped I hadn’t hurt her as well.
Debbie let me make love to her gently, while she relaxed on my body. “I’m jealous of her, whoever she is. To hurt you that much. You cared enough for someone else to feel guilty. Was it that hard to leave her for me?”
I was afraid to speak of her, but even more afraid to construct any more barriers between Debbie and me. “No. There was never a doubt. I felt bad for her, but I knew that no matter what, there was nobody for me but you. I’m sorry.”
She rose up on her arms and fucked me back. “You love me, don’t you?”
“Right now, more than I love myself. A lot more.”
“Was she beautiful? More beautiful?” she asked softly.
“She’s gorgeous, powerful, and wealthy. She offered me everything to stay with her.” I reached for Debbie’s breasts, cupping them gently. “She doesn’t hold a candle to you. And I was an idiot to even spend one minute with her, when I could be with you.”
“But you couldn’t be with me, you’d left me behind, and were alone over there.”
“Never again.”
She smiled for the first time in a long time. “You bet your ass never again.” Then a look of seriousness returned to her face. “You lied to us on the phone. You said there were no girls, that you slept alone. You don’t ever have to lie to me, Jack.”
“No. I didn’t. Up until the last night I went back to my hotel room alone every evening. There was a very cute girl in Zaragoza, but she was engaged, and I didn’t pursue it once she told me. It seemed like everyone in Spain was getting laid that night but me.”
Debbie gave me a little hint of a smile. “I hope you’re not trying to get me to feel sorry for you.”
“No. And I did spend time with her that evening. There was something between us, and it was growing. I didn’t make love to her until the last night, at her home. I went back to my room alone, like every other evening.”
“You made love to her. You didn’t fuck her,” she said sadly, her motions against me slowing to a halt.
“I cared for her. More than I’ve cared for anybody but you,” I confessed.
“And Beth,” she said softly.
I didn’t answer her, holding her hips up, so I could stroke into her more easily.
“And Beth,” she repeated, more firmly.
I couldn’t take her intense look any longer and turned away. I couldn’t lie to her. Not any more.
She came down and hugged me. “God, I knew it. I could feel it. I was so close to losing you.”
“Never. It wasn’t even close.”
She sighed, “Don’t ever tell Beth. Nothing. She loves you as much as I do. She’d be devastated.”
I held her, kissing her body where ever I could reach. “No she doesn’t. And I’m afraid she already knows how I feel about you.”
I rolled my dream girl off of me onto her back, and climbed between her legs. I made love to her gently, kissing her pretty face, nibbling on her soft lips.
“You scared me tonight, Jack,” she said softly.
“I’m sick to death over hurting you. Of risking losing you. I didn’t know anything could hurt as bad as seeing you hold back from me.”
She looked at me sadly, the tears welling in her eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t know, couldn’t know that my insecurity would do that to you.”
“No, it wasn’t insecurity. You knew. I don’t know how, but you knew. From 6000 miles away, you knew I cheated on you for the first time. I swear I’ll never do it again. I hope someday you’ll forgive me.” Our lovemaking had slowed to the point where I was taking several seconds to slide in and out of her.
“For the first time? How many girls have you been with since we’ve been together. I’m sure there’s lots I don’t know about.”
“None that ever mattered. I’m ashamed to say it, but I don’t even think about it when I’m with somebody else. No matter how good or how fun it is. It’s just sex. This time, I thought about you all the time, and what I was doing to you. And I did it anyway. Now do you understand why I don’t deserve you?”