I clenched my hands and closed my eyes once again. With the rigidity and straightness, I may be mistaken for dead when the way I lie down. I hope Hugo doesn’t see how I’m behaving.
Why is it so hot in here? I was in the situation and expected to be visited by tiredness, but no matter what I do to sleep, I am not visited. I didn’t want to move for fear of attracting Hugo’s attention. What am I afraid of? Why is he naked, anyway? Why is it that his bottom is exposed?
“Get up there, I know you’ve been awake since earlier.” I heard the creak of the floor and the sound of the zipper, so I opened my eyes. When I saw he was already wearing shorts cut to his knees, I hit him with the pillow. I don’t know how that pillow got to my head. Earlier, it wasn’t there before I went to sleep.
“You know I’m awake, why didn’t you get dressed right away?!” I whacked him with a pillow but he avoided it with his arms. “You made me wait!” I let go of the pillows when he suddenly laid me down on the bed again. The floor squeaked because they only made it of wood.
“Just because. And keep quiet. The people here are already sleeping.” He averted his eyes and stood up straight. I think it’s because the bed is so hot. Suddenly, I thought of something. I haven’t been able to do this for a long time. Hugo still has no clothes on. I touched him as he stretched his body.
“Pst! Take this bed behind your raptor!” My eyes were glowing. I am getting excited just thinking about what we would do outside while lying down!
He frowned and looked at me curiously. Suddenly I looked at the bed, which was big and heavy, so I was sure that he could not lift it alone, so I went to the end of the bed and asked him to lift it as well. He said nothing and got what I wanted to convey.
“I’ll count, okay? We’ll lift it together. One. Two. Three. Lift.” We ran from the bed to his raptor. The raptor was just nearby, so we didn’t have a hard time. After we put it down, I gasped and fell on the bed. There, I smiled at seeing the stars. Let’s start with stargazing now!
“Did you know what they said? That one of those stars is the one you love in life? Maybe my mommy, daddy, and sister are there? Maybe they’re watching over me.” I talk while Hugo lay down next to me. I pointed to the star, the most brilliant one. “They say they will watch you every day and guide you.”
I turned to him, and he turned to me at the same time. We stared at each other before he asked. “What about when it rains? Aren’t the stars disappear when it rains?”
I thought of his question. What about when it rains? But it was as if a bulb shone in my head and I looked at the sky again. I smiled and replied, “Maybe when our hearts are sad, they grieve. They want to visit us. Okay, if you’re not the sad one, maybe it’s someone else. Isn’t it funny how the world flows? It’s just sad and difficult for others… for me.” I just lowered my voice at the last utterance so he could not hear it.
“You?” His arms were crossed, they were removed when I bumped my arms to his. He was still looking at the sky as the cold night breeze hit us. It’s nice to feel the chilly night.
“What about me?” he asked.
“Have you lost someone? Or have you mourned for the person you thought you would be with in the future and when you grow old?” I know the answer to that question. I think I am a martyr for this man because I still want to know the answer from his mouth.
He did not answer. He just kept staring at the sky. I thought he would not speak, but I was surprised when he answered. “There is. I thought then, she is the one I will be with for life. I have seen my future with her. With our children.”
Because of what he said, I feel like thousands of daggers have sunk into my heart. You want that Adele! Suffer!
“What happened?” I have already heard twice the story he will tell. For the first time, I didn’t like him then yet, so I just didn’t care. The second time was with the woman he mourned. To the woman he thought was gone. How can I tell him the truth if I want him to myself? Is it okay? No. It is not. But what can I do?
“She died.”
“Do you want her back?”
I don’t know why that’s what I asked. I feel like that’s the only right question because of the things that are bothering my mind.
“Of course. I was in love with her. I am in love with her. I will be in love with her.”
“How can I be her? How can I replace her?” I am no longer looking at him now but in the dark sky. He did not answer. I’m serious about my question because maybe when I show him everything, he’ll love me. Or maybe when I’ve shown everything, I’ll just lose my feelings.
The stars are gradually fading. The moon is likewise hidden, and the rain will befall me once more. Join me as I remove the daggers buried in my heart one by one.
“I don’t want to use you.”
“Use me.”
I think I’m going crazy because I don’t hesitate to answer him. He looked at me, but I was still looking at the sky. Water from the sky was already dripping from my eyes, but from what Hugo said, it seems like I won’t be the one the rain joining with grief today.
“Then be my sex slave. Maybe I can get back to how you feel. Perhaps, I can love you too.”