I smile and we lie in comfortable silence. I feel so relaxed, and my eyes begin to close.
“Don’t go to sleep on me, baby. I want to spend more time with you.”
I smile against his chest. “You can have me every night, Jules. I’m yours,” I whisper sleepily, letting my eyes close properly.
“Until you leave,” he mumbles quietly as if distracted.
I smile against his skin. “Yes.” My eyelids are so heavy that I can’t keep them open. “Until I leave”.
It’s still dark in my room when I wake. Julian has already left for work, and the light is just peeking through the side of my drapes. I rub my eyes and stare up at the ceiling, unable to believe what a weekend we had. So much happened. I’m having trouble processing it all.
Alina. Poor Alina.
My mind is weighing heavy with thoughts of her and how sad her life must have been. She fell pregnant so young, and then Julian couldn’t love her, but that didn’t stop her from falling in love with him. That hurt changed her to the point of her becoming an alcoholic and dying of loneliness.
I get a lump in my throat when I imagine how alone she must have felt.
What a terribly tragic story. Sadness fills me as I imagine her lying upstairs in despair, desperate for a way out at what her life had become.
No wonder this house is so heavy and serious.
It’s never been any other way.
And my beautiful Julian, trapped into marrying a woman he didn’t love. He tried to do the right thing and take care of his responsibilities. He never had a chance to pursue his own happiness. I can’t imagine the guilt he must feel every day, knowing that his inability to love a woman had inadvertently caused her death.
His mother told me that he had issues. Hell, she wasn’t joking, was she? I now know exactly why he doesn’t bring up hard subjects with the children. How you could you ever explain that story without them being resentful to him?
Sorry, kids, I just couldn’t love your mother after I knocked her up, so it’s my fault she became an alcoholic and killed herself.
Not happening.
I drag myself up to go to the bathroom and take a shower. I have this new, overwhelming urge to protect Julian. He’s a good man, an honourable man who tried his best to make a bad situation right, but in the end, he just couldn’t.
I’m not going to let him blame himself for one more day. I know why he’s scared of relationships and of having someone love him. Of course he’d never want to be responsible for anyone else’s happiness ever again. I wouldn’t either, if I were him.
The hot water runs down over my face, letting me get lost in my thoughts.
I’ll only let you down. His words come back to me. He’s terrified of letting anyone down again-of letting anyone get close.
That’s too bad, Julian, because I’m already close to both you and the children, and I’m not going to let you push me away out of fear.
As I stand in the shower, I feel my reservations about Julian Masters disappear down the drain along with the hot water.
I want him as a boss, as a lover… as my boyfriend.
I want the full package, kids and all.
Willow and I are sitting at the kitchen counter eating breakfast.
“I’m looking forward to our girlie day, Will.” I smile against my coffee cup. I’ve coerced Julian into letting Willow have the day off school for some appointments. He doesn’t need to know it’s for our nails. We need some time together, and I want to try and get her to talk to me.
“What exactly do you do on a girlie day?” she asks.
“Well, we’ll get our nails done, and then we might get our hair cut. Afterwards, we could go somewhere nice for lunch.”
She gives me a lopsided smile.
“We might even go and buy you some new clothes.” I widen my eyes, trying to make her as excited as I am. “Really? Like what?”
I shrug. “Whatever you want.”
She finally begins to smile.
“And Emerson has the day off, too. I thought we might go and have a coffee with her this afternoon.”
“You want me to meet your friend?” she asks, surprised.
“Uh huh.” I smile. “You’re my friend and she’s my friend, so it’s a lot easier if my two friends become good friends, too.”
“Oh no, Tillie.” we hear Sammy cry from upstairs.
Willow’s eyes meet mine. “What is that naughty puppy up to now?” I ask.
“Oh, man, she’s exhausting.” Will sighs, and we make our way upstairs to see what the commotion is about.
Woof, woof.
Tilly leans back on her back legs, then jumps up and attacks Sammy. “Tillie” he calls.
Our eyes widen as we assess the damage.
Tillie has been in Willow’s makeup case and chewed everything inside of it. There are blush and lipstick all over the upstairs carpet, as well as down the stairs. She now has a powder sponge in her mouth and is running away from Sammy, enjoying the chase, thinking that this is the most fun ever.
“Oh no, naughty,” I whisper.
She barks and then runs. We take chase, running after her as she sprints down the stairs.
“Oh my God, somebody get her,” Willow cries.
I’m terrified she is going to swallow the sponge. “Tillie,” I call as I run down the stairs. “Come back here.”
Maverick the cat thinks that this looks like a good game and he starts pulling himself upside down along the leather sofa by the claws so that Tillie doesn’t get all the attention.
“Stop that, Maverick,” I cry as we run past. “These baby animals are very naughty today.”
“Sammy’s going to be late for school at this rate,” Willow cries.
We corner Tillie in the kitchen and she goes feral, bending her back legs as she straightens her front legs. She’s having so much fun.
Woof, woof.
I look around at the three of us in our pyjamas, chasing a tiny little dog as she completely destroys the house, and I get the giggles. “Come here, you naughty girl.” I hold my hands out wide to try and entice her.
She begins to chew the sponge in her mouth and we all scream, “Nooooo!”
Willow dives on her, and I pry her tiny mouth apart and take the mangled makeup sponge from her grip.
She latches onto Sammy’s finger and bites down hard. “Ahhh!” he yells.
“No,” I snap. “No biting, naughty!”
Willow puts Tillie back down on the floor, and the pup sprints back upstairs on a mission to wreck something else.
“Oh my God,” Willow cries as she runs after her.
Sammy rolls his eyes and takes chase. I laugh and turn around to see Maverick climbing the curtains by his claws. He’s looking at me upside down. “Get down, Maverick, you naughty cat.” I rub my hands through my hair.
These pets are completely out of control.
“What about this shirt?” I ask Will.
We’ve had our nails done and now we’re perusing the shops with Daddy Warbucks’ gold credit card. This is essential spending-way more important than bondage lingerie, that’s for sure.
Will looks at the shirt and frowns. “It’s okay, I guess.”
“What style do you like?” I think for a moment. “You’re at that age where you are transforming from a duckling into a beautiful swan.”
She rolls her eyes at my dramatics and then twists her lips together. “Well, I’ve always liked grunge clothing.” I nod as I listen.
“But, I was thinking of maybe trying to get something a bit…” Her voice trails off.
“A bit what?” I ask as I keep looking around the shelves.
“I don’t know. Something a bit more…” she raises her eyebrows, “attractive?”
I smile, knowing she does like that boy from the golf club after all. “That’s an excellent idea.” I link my arm through hers. “Let’s get you a whole new look.”
Two hours later, we have six bags in our hands, filled with some of the most beautiful clothes you could imagine, as well four pairs of shoes. I have totally blown out his credit card. But honestly, who cares? It’s not like he can’t afford it.
We are walking down the street, on the way to meet Emerson, eating chocolate waffle ice-cream cones. “Tell me about school,” I say as I lick my chocolate heaven.
She shakes her head. “Nothing to tell.”
“Why do you think those girls pick on you?” I lick my ice cream as I pretend to be blasé about the answer.
She frowns. “I’m just different.”
“How so?” I watch her. I’ve spent the whole day preparing her to have this conversation with me, and if it takes all of Julian’s money to get more from her then so be it.
“I don’t have a mother.” She shrugs as she looks to the ground. “I don’t like what they like.”
I watch her. “Like what?”
“The music, the stupid boys. Everything. I have nothing in common with any of them.”
“But that’s okay, right?” I frown. “Does it bother you that you have nothing in common with them?”
“It used to.”
“But not anymore?” “I’m used to it now, I guess.”
I link my arm through hers as we walk. “You know it’s okay be different, Will. I’m different, and not everyone likes me.”
“Everyone likes you, Brell.” She tuts.
“No, they don’t. Do you know how many times I get called a bimbo because I chose to be outgoing and happy? People assume I’m dumb because I laugh a lot.” I shrug. “Think about it… both you and your dad thought I was a bimbo at the very beginning.”
She frowns as she watches me, my words falling into place.
“I choose to be how I want to be.” I bump my shoulder with hers. “I don’t care what people think. You need to choose how you want to be and forget what everyone else says or thinks about it.”
She listens intently.
“Because the people who matter will love you however you are.” “What about Dad?” she asks. “Will he?”
“Your father loves you so much. He just wants you to be happy, Will. He doesn’t always say what he feels, I know, but it’s the truth, and deep down you know it.”
She smiles softly, her eyes holding mine.
“He’s going to wet his pants when he sees you in these beautiful dresses,” I smirk.
She giggles.
“How about we call into Grandma’s and show her your new clothes on the way home?” I say.
“Okay.” She smiles
We arrive at the café where we are meeting Emerson, and we walk in to find her sitting at the back. “Hello.” I smile as I kiss her cheek.
“Hi, Will.” She grins
“Hi,” Willow replies nervously.
“Jesus, have you two bought the whole shop?” She gasps as she looks over at all our bags.
“Yep,” I sigh as I fall into my seat. “We needed a pick me up. Some spoilt rich little bitches are giving Will a hard time at school.” Emerson narrows her eyes and punches her fist into her palm. “Who do I have to take out?”
I’m lounging on the sofa. “Put the grey dress on,” I call out.