We kiss a slow, gentle, loving kiss. His touch is electric.
“What are you doing to me?” he eventually whispers as the water runs down over his head.
“I’m taking care of my man,” I answer quietly.
His eyes search mine and I feel there’s something more he wants to say.
Instead, he kisses me softly and I smile against him, my heart melting even more. I can’t believe we just did that.
Every day we take another few steps up the intimacy ladder and no matter what we tell each other.
We both know this is more.
The clocks strike midnight, and I’m still trying to put my finger on what’s going on with him this evening. We’re in bed together and his head is resting on my chest. He’s soft, relaxed, and so fucking beautiful it hurts my heart.
Something’s changed.
Everything’s changed.
“You said something the other day and I can’t stop thinking about it,” he says.
“What’s that?” I kiss his temple.
“You said that your ex-boyfriend had psychological problems and that you stayed with him to try and fix him.”
I frown to myself, how does he remember that? “Yes.”
“What was wrong with him?”
I brush my cheek against his. “He’s a beautiful man… but he was abused as a child by an uncle and that fucked with his head.” “As it would.”
“Most definitely.” I sigh. “But it rewired something inside of him.”
Julian looks up at me. “He turned gay?”
I shake my head. “No, just the opposite. He had to prove to himself that he wasn’t gay.”
He frowns and waits for me to continue.
“If a woman came onto him, he had to go through with it. He couldn’t knock her back because, in some sick way, he thought that was confirmation that he was, in fact, gay” Julian runs his hands up my thigh, waiting patiently for me to tell him the full story.
“He would come home and confess everything to me. Then he would be disgusted with himself and beg for my forgiveness.” I narrow my eyes as I remember the horror of living that life. I never knew what the day would bring. Stability wasn’t an option. “We would both go back to his therapist for an intensive couple of weeks. He would be fine for a while… until it happened all over again.”
“How many women did he sleep with while he was with you?”
“Too many,” I admit in a whisper. “Towards the end, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore. I knew he was broken. I knew that he loved me. But what about my heart? I deserved better, you know?”
He nods, his eyes turning sad. “How did it end?”
“He worked in the city. Things had always happened there so he kept it completely separate from me. Nobody ever knew. Hell, I wouldn’t have known if he didn’t come home crying guilty tears every time and confessing his sins.”
Julian exhales heavily.
“Then one day he slept with a girl I knew. She knew we were together.” I frown and my eyes fill with tears. The pain is still as raw as the day I found out. “He crossed the line with her. Everyone knew her and me. They thought it was the first time he’d strayed, but little did they know I’d been suffering alone for three years while I tried to save him.” “God, Bree,” he whispers.
“It would have been easier to leave, but he was so broken. I thought if I couldn’t help him when he loved me that much, nobody would be able to.”
He stays silent.
“I couldn’t save him,” I whisper with regret. “I had to cut all ties in the end because I couldn’t deal with him constantly begging me to come back. I couldn’t deal with the guilt I felt.”
Julian listens, his eyes penetrating mine.
“After I left, he went totally off the wall and just started fucking everything that moved. He’s had two overdoses since.”
“Fuck,” he whispers as he picks up my hand and kisses it.
I think for a moment. “A lot of people said I was weak for staying with him.” “You weren’t.”
I exhale heavily. “That’s when I decided to just be happy and grateful for every single day.”
He rolls over to face me. “So, I guess you’re done with damaged men?” His eyes search mine.
I smile down at him and softly kiss his big beautiful lips. “I’ve got room for one more.”
He kisses me, and as if he is overloaded with emotion, his face creases against mine. I don’t know what the hell his story is, but I need to find out.
My phone rings at exactly 11:00 a. m. and the name Mr. Masters lights up the screen.
“A daytime phone call? This must be important,” I tease as I answer it.
“Very funny,” he mutters, unimpressed.
I smile. “How can I help you, Judge Masters?”
“Do you have any plans tonight?”
“No.” I bite my bottom lip as my heart dances to the sound of his voice.
“Would you like to go to a fundraiser thing with me?”
“I would. Like… on a real date?”
“Like… on a real experiment.”
I giggle. “A science experiment?”
“Good grief. Yes or no?” he snaps and I can tell he’s edgy.
“Yes, of course, yes.” I frown. “What’s the dress code?”
“Not bondage.” He chuckles.
“Damn it.” I widen my eyes. “That’s annoying.”
“Pick you up at seven?”
“Okay.” I do a little jig on the spot. “Seven it is.”
It’s just after seven when I hear a knock on my bedroom door.
I close my eyes and put my hand on my stomach to try and calm my nerves.
I’ve never been so nervous, and I know it’s not about what I’m about to do. This is about what I’m ignoring.
My gut is telling me to run.
This is a bad idea.
I shouldn’t be going out with Julian tonight. I know we should be keeping things separate. What if this turns pear-shaped?
We live together, for Christ’s sake.
I open the door and there he stands-my tall, beautiful man in his black dinner suit.
He smiles sexily as his eyes drop down to my tight, coffee-colored evening gown. I inhale when I’m teased with his heavenly aftershave.
“You look beautiful,” he whispers.
I smile softly as my heart tries to escape my chest. “Thank you.”
His dark eyes hold mine. “You ready to do this?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
He leads me through the house by the hand, and then out to the car. As usual, he opens the door for me, but then backs me against the car before he leans to kiss me.
I smile as I put my arms around his neck. “We can kiss in the garage now?”
“We can kiss in the garage.” His large hands roam down to my ass and he drags me onto his hard body. We stay in each other’s arms as he looks down at me, taking in every detail of my face. His brow crease suddenly, and then he falls serious.
What is that look?
He straightens and pulls away. “We need to go.”
“Okay.” I climb in, and without a word, he closes the door behind me and gets into the driver’s side.
Once we’re driving on the main road, I find myself watching him. He’s deep in thought when he glances up and catches me watching him. Julian takes my hand in his and places it on his thigh.
“Everything all right?” I ask.
He focuses back on the road, picking my hand up to kiss the back of it. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You’re just quiet.”
He smirks. “I’m trying to tame this roger in my pants, if you must know. It seems to have a mind of its own when you’re around.”
I smile over at him, relieved that my playful man has returned. “Maybe you should give me a good rogering then.”
He chuckles. “Don’t worry, my beautiful Miss Brielle.” He kisses the back of my hand again as his eyes remain on the road. “You will be well and truly rogered by the time I’m finished with you.”
He called me Miss Brielle. I fake a smile and my eyes turn back to watch the road in front of us.
His force field is back on.
Finished with me.
Why are those the only three words I heard in that whole sentence?
We both remain lost in our own thoughts for the rest of the trip. I’m wondering how this is going to go. I don’t know what he’s thinking about, but I know it’s more than the roger in his pants.
He’s always thrilled to be touching me in the hotel, but when we just stood cheek to cheek and had that brief moment of perfect intimacy at home,
I felt him pull away.
I don’t even know why it’s bothering me. It shouldn’t. I know what’s going on here. He warned me and I know how this game works.
There are no false pretenses-no promises or need to pretend to have feelings that don’t exist.
Don’t mistake this for anything other than what it is, Brell.
What we have is a friendship with a few orgasms on the side. Nothing more, nothing less.
In his words… we have an arrangement.
Twenty silent minutes later, he pulls up outside a fancy, sandstone building, into the car valet parking service. He climbs out, handing the keys over to the attendant before he makes his way to my side to help me out of the car. He’s such a gentleman, always opening doors and walking behind me. It must be his fancy schooling. At least all those school fees get you something for your money, I suppose. I wonder if Sammy is being taught this kind of stuff.
Julian takes my hand in his and we walk up the front steps.
The building is pure luxury. “What is this place?” I whisper.
“Spencer House,” he replies, clearly distracted as he looks around.