Stella’s point of view.
He bloody said it.
I stared at him with my brows raised for a moment, as though I was surprised…well, maybe that’s because I was actually kind of surprise.
Not knowing how to respond to him, and also trying not to make things awkward either, I decided to make it into a joke.
I rolled my eyes. “Of course you love me, I’m your friend, silly” I slapped his shoulder playfully, then burst into laughter.
“I’m not joking, Ella” he kept a straight face as he said this.
“Of course, you are”
I laughed even harder, expecting he’d join me laughing, but I eventually stopped when he continued staring at me with a serious expression.
“I’m dead serious”
“No, you can’t be serious because you know me enough to know that I don’t…”
“I know, I know” he interrupted me. “I know love isn’t your thing, and I’m not going to force you into loving me either”
My head slowly moved sideways as I couldn’t help staring at him and wondering what’s going on with him.
“You don’t have to say anything right now, I just want you to know that I’m still the same Jimmy whom you once trusted, I want you to know that you can still trust me, and you don’t have to be so cautious around me”
He paused, and held my cheeks in his palm.
His thumbs caressed my cheeks as he stared directly in my eyes, which gave me an unpleasant feeling, and I eventually slapped his hands off me and looked ahead.
“I honestly don’t like how you treat me like an enemy after my release” he said.
I mentally rolled my eyes. You can’t blame that on me, fella – I thought.
“I’m…”
“Just take me home, Jim” I simply cut him short, not wanting to talk about this anymore.
“But…”
“Start the car, or I’ll alight and board a taxi” my voice was firmer this time.
He stared at me in silence for a short while, before roaring the car’s engine to life and drove off.
•••••
*30 Minutes Later**
The ride was dull, suffocating, and it seemed longer than it actually was since none of us said anything all the way. I mean, there’s nothing to discuss after all… Although, I could see him from the corner stealing glances, but pretended as though I’m clueless.
“Thank you for the ride, Jim” I thanked him, immediately he stopped the car outside our apartment.
I unfastened my seatbelt, reached for the door and opened it, but I stopped midway when his hand suddenly caught mine as I made to alight.
“I’m not a bad guy, Ella, you know me”
Knew! I like that word, I knew him before he was sentenced to prison… I don’t know him now that he’s released, or I’d rather stick by Megan’s definition, broke out.
“Why are you trying so hard to bang me?” I asked, and surprisingly, I hadn’t even thought about this before – it just came out of my mouth.
“I’m not trying so hard to bang you, it’s just…” he trailed off, seemingly not knowing what to say or maybe how to say it.
I tilted my head, urging him to continue his explanation because I really wanted to know.
“I’ve missed you so much, Ella”
“Really?”
“Yes. I’ve been missing you desperately since my time in prison, I kept thinking about you, I kept thinking about the day I’ll finally be released and come back to you… ”
I raised my hand up, cutting off his speech. Furthermore, I closed my eyes momentarily, smacked my lips together and took a deep breath.
“Listen, Jimmy, I love you, but just not in that way”
I paused briefly, and wondered if there’s another way I can explain things more clearly to him, and make him understand that we can never be an item.
“We’re just friends, friends with benefits, and that wouldn’t change until the two of us cease to exist on this earth plane”
His pupils dilated as though he’s shocked by my words. He wanted to speak, but I didn’t give him any chance to.
“I don’t understand myself recently, my body seems to have a mind of its own, and every god-damned time that I tried to bone you, I just couldn’t bring myself to”
“Why? Am I the problem? Is it something I did?” he asked, and I shook my head.
“No, you’re not the issue at all. It’s me” I gulped, a lump in my throat. “The issue is me, and I’m trying to figure it out… But for now, let’s not put our friendship in jeopardy, ok?”
He didn’t react to that, he simply stared at me in silence – it’s obvious he’s thinking about something.
I was also in my thought, too. I wondered why I was comfortable banging that total stranger on set, but wasn’t comfortable at the thought of banging Jimmy, whom I’m quite familiar with.
“I guess I’ll just blame everything on fate then” he said.
“Huh? Fate?”
I’m confused, like, why fate? Why is fate getting blamed now?
“This is absolutely fate trying to come between us because we were okay banging each other before I left, and now that I’m back there’s always something that interrupts us every time we want to have s×x” he explained. “How else can we explain this?”
I chuckled because his words sounded funny, and so d*mn wrong.
This has absolutely nothing to do with fate because there’s a simple explanation glaring right at him -my feelings towards him have changed.
But how can I make him understand that? I will just let him believe whatever he wishes to believe.
“Here” he handed me an invitation card.
“Where are you inviting me?” I asked after accepting it from him.
“A charity gala, and I want you to be my plus one”
“You want me to be your date?”
“Yes” he replied with a nod.
I squinted my eyes as I gave him a strange look.
“What?”
“Ok, you’re officially amusing me right now, I mean, you didn’t like all these stuff before… ” I cut myself off before I will say something upsetting.
“I’m a good person, yeah?”
It was a rhetoric question, but I nodded because I wanted him to continue.
“But I felt like I didn’t do enough good before, maybe that’s why my enemy was able to successfully frame and throw me behind bars” he coughed lightly. “So, I want to help people more with the little I have now, I wish to do enough good at this moment that I’m out”
His words sounded logical and I respect him. I leaned closer to him and gave him a supportive kiss on his right cheek, then smiled at him encouragingly.
“I’ll be your date” I told him, then quickly alighted before he’d start telling me about his love for me again.
“Should I pick you up for dress shopping tomorrow?” I heard him asked as I approached our apartment.
I shook my head. “I have enough dresses” I replied, which was a big lie.
I know he knew I was lying because everyone, including people that aren’t close to me, knows I don’t have any dresses that are longer than my thigh.
“I’ll pick you up by 6pm next tomorrow” he said.
I did the ok sign with my fingers without turning back or stopping. Then I heard his car’s engine roar to life and he drove off.