To this day, I still smile when I remember Enrique’s confession to me. I still can’t believe what he told me that day. It’s nice to wake up in the morning remembering everything he said. It’s a good feeling to wake up next to the one you love and then you’ll know that he has feelings for you too.
I’m so excited, and when I think about it, it’s like digging up my insides. It seems that everyone who can celebrate with me will celebrate. After all these years he also has a desire for me and then tortured me? Dimwit! I thought I was chasing nothing.
After all, I can’t blame him. I was still young then sexy and a goddess. He will really think that maybe if I find a handsome and macho that is yummy, I will stop liking him. He didn’t think that my love for him was pure and no one could match it. My love for him is stronger than the foundation of the Earth, and I am so thrilled to the highest level because of his confession. Dimwit!
My healing process continues and honestly, I forgot what I was going through. I just remember when Enrique was telling me we had a session with the Doc. Keisha. Enrique always supports me and he rarely goes to work because he puts me first. My husband is also shameless. He waited for me to go crazy before confessing what he felt. But it’s ok, I’m happy. At least I proved to him that what I felt was true love and not infatuation. I am still the winner of what I chased.
One thing that I realized about my situation. The role of the people around you is really important, mostly your husband. Your relationship with them has a big impact on what you went through. Not just a husband, but also siblings, parents, children, and friends. Especially when you don’t understand yourself anymore. You need them to remind you that everything is ok and you will be ok too.
That’s why some people go completely crazy, or others just kill themselves because they feel they are alone and no one understands them. They tried hard to fight negativity, but they lost. Because first, they think only negatively, secondly, they fight alone, and lastly, they are judged instead of being understood.
It’s tiring to the point that you just want it all over rather than fight. After your suffering because you have no sympathy either. Others say you’re weak, but for you, you don’t care what they say because you just know that when you lose it, it’s all over.
Been there, and that’s why I’m so proud of myself for being able to handle it and I hope that everyone like who I went through will fight like I did, I hope that even if they don’t have sympathy, they will think that they should fight. Not for other people but for themselves. So that when the day comes they can see the true beauty of the World. None other but themselves.
The healing process still includes experiencing a new adventure from time to time. So we wandered a lot and Enrique and I were out with Ixora almost every day. Sometimes in the park, beaches, hotels, malls, in any place that is good for a walk. We eat lunch and dinner outside. We also do camping in the jungle with Ixora, sometimes stargazing. And one time we even went out of town for two days.
Relaxing and satisfying. And somehow refreshing. At least I can say that Enrique did his duty to me. He follows everything Doc Keisha says. He is so patient with me that sometimes my head gets hot, but he just laughs at me and kisses me to stop me from complaining. Then hug and cuddle.
He also became sweeter to me. He cooks for me and always has a present for me. Sometimes he prepares a candle dinner outside the mansion so little pussy is always thrilled. It’s just pure thrill because there’s no happening. Dimwit!
Enrique and I haven’t had a formal conversation about us other than that he said we should stand by being a couple. Maybe it’s not yet time for us to really open up to each other and maybe he’s still babbling. I, too, am still adjusting to us. Then maybe we will talk about ourselves when everything is really well. My love for him will not change even if we do not recite.
Even though I feel like I’m fine. Maybe it’s better that we are like this.
“Wow, sexy.” I had just finished taking a shower and had just left the bathroom when I caught up with Enrique carrying Ixora. He puts our daughter to sleep in his arms.
“Shit.” I’m ashamed to say this because the truth is I’m thrilled. I’m wearing the red nighties I bought before as well as those butterfly panties. I’ve worn the others and this is the only one that doesn’t. Then there is nothing wrong if I wear the butterfly because no one can see but me. Because nothing is happening to us.
Yes, even though we are ok, nothing happens to us. My husband has never crawled on me. Even if we sleep next to each other and sometimes hug each other. So I’m satisfied even if I’m wearing this, it’s fine because everyone will go to sleep.
“Sleep?” I ask. He is still taking care of my daughter because I still can’t hold him. Although I’m getting closer I’m still afraid to touch him and I might do something by accident.
“Yeah.” He gently placed my daughter on the crib who was fast asleep. “Can you watch for a moment? She’s already asleep. I’ll just order something from the horse keeper. I’ll be back faster.”
“Ok, I don’t have anything else to do.”
“If you need something, or if she wakes up accidentally, just call the maids outside.”
“I’ll do.”
He left the room so I sat down at the vanity mirror. I wiped my hair with a little water even though I had already blow-dried it. I also applied lotion when Ixora suddenly cried. I didn’t panic as much as before, now I’m a little calmer. I went to the crib and look at her but I didn’t take her.
“Shh! Sleep back, baby, mommy is here.” But she didn’t stop and just kept on crying. “What does the baby need, milk?” I try to feed her using the formula milk that Enrique made earlier but her head kept moving away so I thought maybe she has a stool.
“Wait I will call the nanny to check you.” I was about to leave the room but I was immediately stopped. I looked at the crib and listened to my daughter who still didn’t stop. Suddenly, I walked back to the crib.
Ixora still crying inside and I just stared at her. Only now I noticed my daughter very well. As she grows up, she looks like Enrique. Everything about her is like her father, and I am so damn lucky to have her.
She kept crying so I slowly looked up. I took my baby to her crib and then loaded her. I put my shoulder on her and then caress her. I check her diaper but nothing in there, so I continue to hug her.
“Shh! Mommy is here, baby. I am here, baby.” I danced while my son sang. “You want mommy to sing? Of course, you are. I used to sing with you when you were at my tummy, right?” I sing a song for her. I remembered the song Speak, softly, love, that I sang to her when I was still pregnant, which I also often sang for her.
After a few minutes, she was quiet so I smiled. I adjusted the load on her and let her lie in my arms. I looked at her and kissed her on the forehead.
I love her, God knows how much I love her. If I almost did something bad to her, it was because of my love. Because I thought that was the right thing for her. And I regret that. If something bad happened to her because of me, I might follow her.
“I love you. I love you so much baby, Mommy loves you so much.” I hug her tight and feel her warmth. “I am sorry for what I did, but I want you to know that I love you just like how I love your dad.”
While hugging her the door opened. When Enrique saw me, he was surprised that I was carrying our child. But after a few seconds, he smiled and walked towards me.
“She cried so I took her.” He just smiled at me and came closer.
“Are you ok?” he asked and then looked at our daughter’s face.
“Yeah.”
“I am happy to see you carrying her,” he said and put his arms on my shoulder while the other one was on my waist. It’s like he’s hugging my daughter and me. “I forgot to put our clothes on her so maybe he woke up.” When I looked at the crib, Enrique and I’s clothes were not there.
He walked over to the sofa and picked up our clothes then arranged them. I put Ixora sideways back on the bed and then Enrique put our clothes on her. He made one into a blanket while the other he placed in her hand.
Enrique and I looked at her but he was behind me.
“She really looks like you,” I said and caressed my baby’s face.
“Yeah, I know, it can’t deny that I am the father.” But my attention was not focused on what he said, but on his hot breath on my neck.
“E-Enrique, let’s go to sleep.”
“Do you feel sleepy?” Oh shit. Why is he hoarse and short of breath?
“Yes, quite a bit.”
“I just want to ask something, Dande.”
“W-what is that?”
“How was Ixora formed? When, where, and how?” I swallowed because of his question and I couldn’t answer immediately. “Because I can’t remember and want to remember, I am sure that—that was the best—— hemp! You smell so good, Dande.”
“I-in the stable. ” I’ll change the topic. “You were drunk then and you didn’t know what was going on.”
“Oh! That was the time that I asked you if you came to the horse stable. Am I right?”
“Y-yeah.”
“So you raped me?”
“It’s not rape, because you love it too.”
“Yeah, I love it. And I am glad it wasn’t a dream. That pleasure that I feel is real. That tightness that covered my shaft that I kept imagining every time I wanted to release was all real. It happens.”
Shit, I’m terrified because I can feel his breath and his lips barely touched my skin.
“I want to feel it, again, Dande, I can’t forget what I thought was a dream. That’s what I think about every time I have to finish.” And he pushed himself so I felt his stiff size sticking to me.
“Enrique.”
“I will tell you a secret, Dande.” He stroked my arm down to my hand holding the crib and placed his hand there. He removed my hand and squeezed it.
“W-what is it?”
“Before anything happened to us, I stripped you in my mind. I have already imagined your whole body.” Fuck, suddenly something welled up in my stomach. The flower was watered and the butterfly twitched because of Enrique’s words. He caressed my arm and when his hand landed on my shoulder he made me face him.
“Enrique?”
“I proved it in our first time even though I was not myself with drugs, and in the second I thought it was a dream.”
“Let’s go to sleep.”
“Damn, sorry about this but even though I was with another woman before, I kept thinking of you as the one who let me in, so I lost myself even more. You, Dande, you are one.”
“W-what are you planning?”
“But I’m sure we’ll do better. Because I’m no longer on drugs and it’s no longer a fantasy.” And he kissed me when I wasn’t ready.
‘You’re really dead now, Daze. You’re wearing the butterfly? It will really fly now with your body when your husband enters you. Water now you flower. Of course, I just wore it because I knew nothing would happen to us. I didn’t expect that it looks like he’s planning something bad right now.’
“I have been waiting for this moment that you to wear that dress. And I know what’s inside. I will make sure to water the flower and let the butterfly fly higher than you imagine.” And he kissed me again but this time more passionately.