As he continued, his fingertips delicately touched my cheekbones.
“You ask how I realized I was in love with you?”
I nodded.
“In truth, I didn’t fully understand it until much later. I knew before you had arrived that I wanted you in my life. I knew when you got here I couldn’t let you slip away.”
“And that was why you made that contract? So that I wouldn’t leave?”
He gave me a deep kiss. ” When I realized you were the one for me, I didn’t want to squander even another second of my life. I thought that once you were here and you were bound by a contract, one day you’d feel the same way about me as I did you.” He sighed. “I wanted to give you everything you had never experienced and knew you wanted. I was afraid I might lose you if I didn’t take charge of the matter.”
His eyes pleaded with me to understand what he was saying.
“Even if it took money at first, I had to figure out a way to keep you, and I hoped ultimately you would love me for me.”
I gasped. It hurt me when I understood he thought I was in it for the money.
“Nicholas, it wasn’t the money that made me say yes. Do you honestly believe that was the reason why?”
His eyes were clouded with confusion, and the more I thought about it, the more I chastised myself. What else should he have assumed, exactly?
He questioned, “Why did you say yes?”
I touched his cheek with my hand. “Because of how you made me feel when I was around you. It was thrilling and unlike anything I had ever experienced. I felt more confident because I knew that you needed and wanted me. You made me feel alive.” My finger dragged across his lips. “It didn’t hurt that you were the most gorgeous person I’d ever seen either,” I added.
He chuckled briefly before returning to seriousness. “When… um. .. how did you know?” He abruptly ended his sentence, but it was obvious what he wanted to know.
“I believe I’ve known for some time, but I didn’t come clean with myself until the evening of our reception party. While I watched you there with all those prominent individuals, you did everything you could to make sure I was comfortable “I chewed my lip as I struggled to find the proper words. “I suppose I now understand how fortunate I am to have you.”
He kissed me so hard that made my toes curl. Then he spoke against my lips. “I had no idea I could be this happy. I’m the lucky one.”
I basked in his love, his sentimental words had filled my heart to overflowing. “You will be even happier when I am pregnant.”
Before his hand slid slowly down to cover my stomach, his kisses ceased. His touch was light. Nearly reverent. His eyes followed the same path before flitting back up to catch my gaze.
When his forehead wrinkled and he appeared to swallow a few times as if he were reluctant to tell me something, I started to worry.
“What? Do you not want children now?” I questioned, my voice quivering with concern.
He looked at his head and let out a gust of air. “No. Oh my God, no, not at all. I do want children. But more than that, I want them to be with you. I can practically taste how much I want it. ” He sounded crazy as he took a few deep breaths, pressed his forehead to mine, and closed his eyes. “I swear…”
I tried to reassure him that whatever he said wouldn’t be as terrible as he appeared to believe it would be by rubbing the back of his neck. I could handle anything as long as he was truthful.
Except, of course, for not being with him.
“What?” I pushed.
He once more opened his eyes. “I never really even inquired if you wanted kids because I was so eager to keep you with me. I assumed you wanted a family based on what I already knew about you, possibly significantly influenced by my own desires “The fine wrinkles under his eyes grew deeper. “Is this what you want?”
His anxious tone made my heart hurt simply thinking about how upset he might be. I offered him a smile and wondered what to tell him. I had spent countless hours since meeting him going over if I had made the right decision by marrying him.
There had been times I had doubted my decision, and I had asked myself why I didn’t give it more thought before jumping into motherhood. had agreed to please him, knowing that he was feeling like he had no more time.
But I had quickly realized that was not true.
A major part of me wanted nothing more than to make him happy. It made me feel good to see a smile on his face, but I wouldn’t simply agree to try for children based on that.
I reflected on the words he had read-the words I had written for my scholarship application, which had asked me what I believed to be the most crucial parts of life.
The simple things were what mattered the most to me; they were what had helped me get through the challenging times.
When I was a child and my dad gave me a goodnight kiss… the way his mustache tickled my face.
As my mother and I giggled at the mess we’d created in the kitchen, the aroma of cookies baking in the oven filled the air.
The comfort and joy I experienced when my father let me cuddle up in his lap as he read the newspaper in front of the fireplace.
My mom’s voice as she read me bedtime stories, making different voices for every character and making them colorful and unique. Those were the things that mattered most in my life. Those were the moments I want to give to others.