(Filippo Valentini)
Before the motherfucker can squeeze the trigger one more time, I squeeze faster, hitting the shot in his hand causing him to drop the gun. He screams at the sight of his own blood and tries to run, but I gladly make him stop hitting him with a shot in each thigh. The bastard falls face down on the ground, his agonizing screams are like a melody to me. I approach him and pull the trigger one more time, I hit him right in the middle of his spine making him scream and squirm even more on the floor, this motherfucker will never be able to move his legs again.
“Take him away, later I’ll finish the job,” I tell the security guards, who have only just come in here.
“Yes sir.” They answer together, I control myself not to shoot each of them in the head.
I run to the altar, where Matteo lies unconscious on the floor, feeling my heart stop for a few moments as I see the pool of blood rising beneath him. Our mother holds his head as he screams and cries, begging God not to take him.
“Have you called the family doctor?” I ask Vicenzo.
“Yes, he is already on his way, Matteo is losing his pulse.” Vincenzo speaks, his face as well as mine is pale, we would never expect that someone would have the courage to try to kill the Dom of the most powerful family in Italy, but it won’t stay that way, I will find out who ordered this attack and I will make him pay in the worst way possible.
“Filippo…” I hear Renata’s voice calling me, I turn towards her, but before she can reach me, but, Alisa pushes her, making her fall on her butt on the floor. I can’t anymore.
“Fili…” Alisa can’t finish speaking, without any difficulty I grab her by the neck and lift her off the floor. Alisa tries to get free by placing her two small hands under mine that clutch her neck.
I happily watch his whitish skin changing to a purplish hue from lack of air, my knuckles are turning white from the amount of force I put into the grip.
“Fratello, Basta così!” – ‘Brother, that’s enough!’, Vicenzo speaks firmly and holds my shoulder, but I don’t listen to his command.
I know that in Matteo’s absence, Vicenzo is the one with the absolute authority, but right now, I’m really hating and I don’t give a damn about the hierarchy in the mafia.
“Filippo!” Renata holds my arm, but right now, all I want is to rid the world of this scum who dared to push my ragazza! Getting between me and her. “Filippo, let her go, now!”
I feel like I’ve been hit by something soft on my face, I shift my gaze from Alisa to Renata and aim her hand red from the slapping slap she just gave me.
“Did you hit me?” I question darkly, even though I didn’t feel anything, I am reluctant to believe that Renata actually tried to assault me.
“You are killing her!” Renata shouts. “I asked you to stop, but you wouldn’t listen, it was the only way I could think of.” She explains herself, but that doesn’t lessen the anger I’m feeling. “Please let her go.” Renata asks and tears start coming out of her eyes, at the same moment I do what she asks, Alisa falls on her ass on the floor and starts coughing while holding her neck.
“Don’t you ever dare hit me in the face again.” I warn you, even if I like her very much, I won’t allow you to hit my face, not when I haven’t done anything against her. For if it were any other, I would have already shot her in the forehead, I will not admit to being disrespected, my face is not a tambourine.
“I just wish you would let her go. There’s already too much blood on this sacred ground.” Renata speaks trying to stop crying, but the more she wipes her eyes, the more tears flow from them. “Your brother, he needs your support and not more trouble waking up.”
“Alisa, are you all right?” Vicenzo asks when this pest stops coughing and his coloring returns to normal.
“Were you really going to kill me?” Alisa questions me with disbelief. “Were you really going to kill me because of a whore you are using for fun?”
“One more word and I blow your brains out.” I speak coldly, aiming the gun at her head, Alisa shuts up and looks at me with wide eyes. “I will not allow you to insult her again, you do not want me as your enemy.” I warned her for the last time.
“Put it away, Filippo, that’s an order!” Vincenzo says get up, I do as brother says. “Giovanna, are you all right?” Vicenzo diverts his attention.
Only now do I remember where I really am, this is my cousin’s wedding, a day that should be somewhat special for her, although I don’t know if she was yes or no to this union, both she and her sister never saw a murder, although they were aware of how things were in our world, Matteo always tried to protect the women of our famglia.
“Matteo… He…” She can’t finish speaking, sobs sound from her mouth and her skin is pale. Giovanna goes to close her eyes, but before her body falls to the floor, Vicenzo picks her up in his lap.
I look at Renata who also can’t stop crying, I look at my mother who continues to pray while holding Matteo’s head, I watch the pool of blood getting bigger and bigger and suddenly I feel helpless, I can’t lose my brother, Matteo always did everything for me, he even went against the rules for me, he can’t die like this, not here!
Without me being able to control myself, tears roll down my face, my world that was beginning to take on new shades, is now turning gray again, pulling air through my nose becomes difficult, my heart beats so fast it makes my chest hurt. I start to break into a cold sweat, I can’t feel my legs, I feel like I’m going to fall.
“Filippo?” I hear Vicenzo calling me, but a buzzing starts in my ear and my sights become blurred, a dizziness hits me…
“Come.” Renata hugs me before my knees hit the floor, she helps me sit in one of the chairs, I try to pull the air in harder, but I’m not succeeding.
I feel as if I am going back in time, to the day I was forced to kill for the first time, no matter how hard I try to forget, I could never stop remembering the blood splattered on my face and hands, the sound of the man’s agonizing scream as he choked on his own blood.
“Filippo, look at me.” Renata holds both sides of my face, I look into her eyes, they are crying… I couldn’t keep my promise, I almost killed two people in front of her and instead of me protecting her, she is the one trying to calm me down. “Breathes with me, like this, slowly.” She makes up and down movements with her hand, just like I did the day I killed the man who was trying to kidnap her. Looking into her eyes I try to make my breathing follow her movements.
I am scared, even though I don’t want to admit it, that’s how I feel and right now, I can’t care if they are yes or no seeing me in a moment of vulnerability. I don’t want to lose my brother, I can’t look at where he is lying, seeing that pool of blood causes me to panic, after I can breathe better, I put my arms around Renata’s waist and pull her to me, hiding my face in her belly, I feel her hands smoothing my hair.
My heart is still beating hard in my chest, the feeling that I’ve gone back in time hasn’t passed yet, but at least now I’m not feeling alone, I’m not afraid of the dark because she’s here, she’s holding me, she’s cuddling me, she’s supporting me, she’s being my safe haven and I don’t know how good and frustrating that is.
“The doctor is already taking care of your brother.” Renata tells me without stopping stroking my hair.
“Get him on the stretcher, we need to take him now!” I hear the doctor talking, but I don’t have the courage to look where he is. I feel like a scared little boy and I am so ashamed to be acting like this that I want to throw the kitten on my own head.
“Renata, look after her brother, please.” I hear Vicenzo’s voice walking away.
After I don’t know how long, all the noise fades away, the only sound I can hear is my own breathing, I pull my head away from Renata and with the back of my hand wipe away the traces of tears on my face.
“Are you feeling better?” Renata asks in a soft voice.
“I…” I take a deep breath, I have lost count of how many times I have apologized to this creature, what is she doing to me? “I am sorry for acting so weak, you should not have seen this side of me.” I speak, and stand up.
For many nights I have woken up with chest pain, shortness of breath and crying, they were very frequent, but during the nights when I was sleeping with Renata, the nightmares stopped, I was no longer afraid and this is strange to me, this is also one of the reasons why I am so reluctant to leave her after I managed to get her into bed.
“Don’t apologize, you’re still a human being, come on.” Renata takes my hand and pulls me out of the empty room.