( Renata Pellegrini)
“Good afternoon!” A couple greeting me approaches. “We have an appointment, with Mr. Valentini.”
“Ah yes, what is your name, please.”
“We are the Galanis.”
I verify on the agenda the time of eighteen o’clock and confirm their names, on the computer I send an email to my boss advising the arrival of the clients.
“Just a moment please, Mr. Filippo is in a meeting, but it will soon be over,” I try to be as nice as possible.
Although I smile, inside I am in agony. This is the second time I have felt like this today and I don’t like it at all! Filippo has been locked up for two hours with a high society woman, who, like him, is a CEO, I have to admit, very beautiful, and she has not made a point of hiding her interest in him.
I really hope they are just talking about business.
I take a deep breath, I cannot delude myself with his words. Filippo is a dream come true, and to hear from his mouth that I am his girlfriend has me on cloud nine, but I know that he is too much sand for my little truck, and that even if he were to take it seriously, I don’t think we would last long.
“But there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a little of what it feels like to have a boyfriend”- my mind tries to convince me to accept what he has decided without consulting me.
The door to his office is opened and the woman comes out of it with a huge smile on her face.
“Oh, so that was you,” Mrs. Galanis hugs the busty blonde who came out of his room.
“Yes, how are you? It’s been a while since we talked,” she says smiling, and I just watch the scene.
“Really, let’s set a day to see each other,” the older one says smiling.
“Yes let’s, we have to enjoy it, the world is getting worse every day. Did you see it on the news?”
“What?” The lady asks with a frown.
“Last night a man’s body was found a few blocks from here. They are still looking for the suspect. How could something like this happen in a place like this? This is even…”
I hold my breath, feeling a lump in my throat. I blink my eyes to stop the accumulation of tears from spilling over.
How could I forget what happened yesterday? Every part of my body begins to shake, I stand up and my legs wobble, the palms of my hands start to break into a cold sweat.
“Darling? Are you all right?” I hear Mrs. Galanis’ voice, I feel stunned.
“Y-yes,” I answered without looking at her.
Without saying anything else, I start walking staggering between my legs to the bathroom, which is unisex, but only fits one person at a time.
I take a deep breath, look at the mirror built into the arm tiled wall, my face is pale and a tear runs down my cheek leaving a white streak over my makeup.
“Why do I feel guilty? I wasn’t the one who pulled the trigger… I wasn’t the one who was trying to kidnap him… I didn’t do anything wrong!” – I repeat over and over again.
“I did nothing wrong,” I whisper and sit down on the bathroom floor, crying so hard that I can no longer control the sobs that hurt my throat. Only now am I getting the impact of what really happened last night.
I hear the bathroom door being opened, shit, I forgot to lock it. I rub the back of my hands together in an attempt to wipe away the tears. I get up from the floor, but before I can see who has entered the bathroom, the smell of Filippo’s woody perfume enters my nostrils and his strong arms embrace me.
“Filippo,” I whisper his name.
He doesn’t answer, he just intensifies the hug, I return it, I feel the tears blurring my eyes again, I lay my head on his chest and start to cry even harder, this time my sobs are muffled by his chest, which, even though it is over the suit, is warm and comforting. I squeeze him tighter and he does the same to me. His large hand begins to stroke my hair. I can’t control my emotions, my nose starts to run and melt his clothes, but he doesn’t care and doesn’t push me away, he just keeps caressing me.
I don’t know how many minutes passed, but little by little my breathing normalized and I managed to stop sobbing. I pull away from him and see how much I have wet him with my tears.
“Are you feeling better?” He asks worriedly, wiping the tears from my face.
I nod my head yes.
“Come, let’s get out of here,” he takes my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom.
“The clients.”
“They are for tomorrow,” we enter the elevator and he puts his arm over my shoulder.
I can’t say anything, my mind is confused, I have no control over myself, I simply let him lead me out of the company, I just notice that we didn’t leave through the front door, but the back one, I thank him mentally, the last thing I want is to have more gossip with my name on it. We get in his car and he starts it.
This time he doesn’t take me to his place, but parks the car in front of my apartment. We get out of the car, he goes to the trunk and removes the several shopping bags from the mall.
I open the door to my apartment and we go inside. I take off my blazer and open a few buttons of my blouse, I need to breathe, I take off my shoes and collapse on the sofa.
“I’ll get you some water,” he leaves the bags on the floor and goes to the kitchen. After a few seconds he returns. “Here,” he hands me the glass and sits down in the armchair in front of me.
I drink it all in almost a single gulp. I look at him and once again my mind builds up a fictitious image of him holding the gun.
“Why are you looking at me like that, ragazza?”
“You killed someone,” my voice comes out in a whisper.
“Ho ucciso, e ucciderei ancora,” – “I have killed, and I would kill again,” his words send a macabre shiver down my spine. His cold, emotionless face leaves no doubt that he really would kill again without a second thought.
“For… why?”
“Would you rather be in his place?” He asks coldly, making me even more afraid. I grip the arm of the couch trying not to shiver.
“No… But it was really necessary to kill…”
“The world is better off with him dead, ragazza.”
“It was a life… You took it so easily… How can you sleep knowing that you killed another human being?” I ask, already feeling the tears flooding my eyes again.
“That was not a human being, it was something much worse than crap,” he speaks angrily, gets up and walks to where I am, supports both arms on the back of the sofa and bends down making his nose close to mine, his eyes are dark, again I feel fear from his hard look. ” Do you know how I can sleep? I sleep peacefully knowing that I have removed another worm like that excrement from the face of the earth. That I saved countless women from being kidnapped, raped, and killed. I sleep feeling incredible.”
“One more,” I babble, my heart hammering in my chest and fear giving way to dread. “Have you… killed before?”
“Sì.”
The tears once again slid down my face.
“I don’t regret anything, Renata, I would kill everyone again if I had a second chance.”
“This is a crime.”
“Justice,” correct me.
“You can’t take the law into your own hands… You have to go to the police station and turn yourself in.”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing,” he starts pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair, “Who the fuck do you think I am? I saved your life! You didn’t even thank me, now you just want me to go to the police station and turn myself in because I saved the world from a piece of trash.
“One person’s mistake doesn’t justify another’s… killing is wrong…”
“Do you listen to the shit you are talking about? In this world, it’s kill or be killed, and I will always prefer to kill.”
“Why?” I shout, getting up.
“Because that’s how things work!” Reality is not a fairy tale. Would you rather I die?
Just imagining him dead makes something inside me die too, I don’t want that. But to admit that, would be to admit that I like him and I swore not to do that.
“You killed a man!” I shout, feeling the weight of every word, trying to deflect his question.
“I saved your life!” He shouts back and points his finger in my direction.
“By killing another! Do you think this won’t have consequences?”
“No!” My jaw trembles at his answer.
My jaw trembles at his answer. I have spent so much time with him that I have forgotten why I hate people like him so much.
“True, you are rich, for people like you there are never any consequences. You can do whatever you want, and you will never be punished. People like you kill and nothing happens!” I speak bitterly, the memories of my parents being killed in front of me come to mind and I fall to the floor. “I hate people like you,” I say, feeling my heart bleed, in such a short time I have already started to like him and saying this hurts me. “You don’t care about anyone but yourselves…”
“I cared about you, I pulled the trigger for you,” he says, crouching down in front of me, “I will protect you, and if I have to kill to do it, I won’t hesitate. I am not a good man, I have many secrets, an ugly past, and I struggle to have a good present. I have never felt the need to protect someone as I feel for you, you are different from anything I have ever had in my life.”
“Don’t play games with me,” I say, sobbing again, “Just like you killed him, you might as well kill me.”
“I’d kill me before I’d point a gun in your direction.”
He holds my chin and lifts my face, his lips press against mine, starting a quiet and slow kiss, I feel his hands on my waist caressing me with the tips of his fingers. His tongue caresses my lips, soon the passage, the tears dry and I hug him, comforting me with his kiss, different from all the others he has ever given me. He ends the kiss with a little kiss.
“You need to rest,” he picks me up off the floor carrying me bride-style, I can’t resist, I’m too tired.
I know that in a way I owe my life to him, he saved me, I will never, ever forget about it.