(Renata Pellegrini)
How to describe the emotion of stepping for the first time into a mall? And even more, when all the stores are open just waiting for you to enter? Knowing this makes a chill run through my stomach. I feel like a child excited to go to a different place. This is good.
“Does he bring all his assistants here?” – this thought pops into my mind, I stare at him, my eyes sparking with anger, I wish I could electrocute him with the force of my gaze.
“Didn’t you like the stores?” He asks, staring at me, we stop walking and I feel my face heat up.
Where did my desire to kill him go?
“W-we haven’t been in any yet,” I say, looking away.
“You don’t look so good, ragazza.”
“It’s just… a thought has come to me,” my voice is only a whisper.
“About?” He asks with a raised eyebrow, and I feel his gaze burn my skin.
“It’s just that it crossed my mind that you might have already come here with the other assistants, just the two of you, walking through these huge corridors…” I stop talking when I hear his laugh, I feel as if my face will melt at any moment with so much shame. “What did you find so funny?” I ask annoyedly, I cross my arms over my chest and he increases his laughter, I don’t see anything funny in my question, on the contrary.”
“You’re very sexy when you’re blushing, mia ragazza, you know?” His fingers touch my cheek, hot with embarrassment, and as if a supernatural force controlled me, I can’t get away from his touch that leaves a tingling trail wherever it passes. Oh, I feel like punching this idiot in the face!
“I don’t find anything sexy,” I say, controlling my nerves, “It’s not nice to know that I’m just one more.”
“Where did you get this nonsense from, ragazza?”
“It’s not absurd, I know that women fall at your feet and I’m sure you don’t reject them,” shit, I shouldn’t have said that, but it’s just that I’m so out of my mind when I’m with him that I don’t recognize myself.
“Ragazza…”
“Don’t call me ragazza!” I say in between, cutting him off – What a horrible feeling.
I feel my fingers trembling, I have never felt so much anger as I am feeling now. I can’t even change the course of my thoughts, I can only visualize him with other women.
“What are you feeling, piccola?”
“I don’t feel anything! And stop calling me with these corny nicknames,” I complain, I actually like these nicknames, even more when they are pronounced so softly, but I will never admit this, “I want to go to my place, there I can find something to wear,” I walk away from him with hard steps, I feel a burning in my chest, the jealousy hurts, but the worst part is that it hurts even more because I know that I shouldn’t feel it.
“What the fuck are you doing? He’s your boss! He brought you in to buy your work clothes!” – my conscience screams at me reminding me why we are here at five in the morning.
“Wait!” He speaks in an orderly tone coming up behind me, I look back and show him my tongue, but he is already too close, “Sei una bambina cattiva. Mi divertirò a punire il tuo culetto.” He speaks in Italian, and although I don’t understand the meaning, I feel as if he is threatening me. He holds my arm tightly, pulling me closer to his body, and I feel his strong breath against my face.
“What did you say?”
“In the near future I will show you what I said.”
“Let me go!” I ask impatiently.
“Don’t be angry, ragazza, I never bought any assistant shopping, you’re the only one, there’s no need to feel jealous.”
“I’m not jealous,” I say, feeling my mouth bitter from the lie.
“Tu sei l’unica,” – “you are the only one,” hearing him say this in his accent makes butterflies dance in my stomach.
How I wish this were true.
“Don’t play with me, don’t say such sweet words in such an empty way,” I say in a tired whisper.
“I said I won’t play games with you, trust me, you don’t have to be blind with jealousy for something that never happened!” He speaks firmly, staring at me; I can’t identify any lies in his words.
I feel a relief rush through my chest. I shouldn’t feel this kind of thing, it’s wrong! “Just as you shouldn’t have felt a lot of other things and yet you felt every single one of them”-my mind mocks at the pain in my conscience, “Whose side are you on?”-I fight with myself.
“I’m not jealous,” I repeat.
“Are you sure? ” He asks, holding both sides of my face and narrowing his eyes in my direction.
“Why do you think I would be jealous of you?” I try to look debauched as I question, “We have nothing but a relationship between boss and employee,” I roll my eyes, trying to make it seem as if this is absurd.
“You know we’re not just that,” he whispers in my ear, giving me goosebumps, I look around ashamed that someone is watching us, but then I remember that it’s just the two of us, his large hand goes down to my waist and I feel my skin burning, feeling the desire to be touched under my shirt, But I confess that seeing your eyes burning with desire for me is much better,” he says leaving a wet kiss at the base of my neck, I swallow dryly, my whole body shivers, he moves away and at the same instant I miss him.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I try to disguise myself as unintelligent, “you are imagining things,” I say, looking away.
“We better go soon, in a little while the work begins,” smiles sideways.
“I-I didn’t bring my bag,” I smack my forehead, “I can’t afford the clothes.
“It’s a courtesy from me.”
“I don’t need your kindness!” I retort, feeling my pride speak louder.
“Stop being stubborn, ragazza. I’m not asking you, just understand who’s in charge. Let’s go to that store,” he holds my hand.
I like to feel the warmth of his hand in mine, it’s comforting… “Stop you idiot, he’s your boss! But it is already too late, we are inside a store, which just like his living room, smells like money. Just one of those chandeliers on the ceiling must be equivalent to my salary!”
“Good morning, Mr. Valentini,” a brunette attendant approaches with a broad smile on her face,” what can I do for you?
She doesn’t seem to see me, she doesn’t look at me at any moment and doesn’t even greet me, it is as if only he had entered this store.
“I want you to do your job and help her choose the clothes,” Filippo hugs my shoulders and she finally notices my existence, at the same moment her smile disappears, her eyes look down at me without a shred of discretion.
“Come with me, please,” she says, turning and starting to walk.
Filippo sits down in one of the armchairs and I follow her.
“What kind of clothes are you looking for?”
“Clothes suitable for an executive secretary,” I answered without knowing the names of the clothes.
She takes several clothes and gives them to me, without asking me if I like them, two minutes later I have a huge pile of clothes on my arms, I have to turn my head a little to be able to see where I am going.
“Try them on, some of them will fit you,” he says rudely while pointing to the direction of the fitting rooms.
I swallow dryly my desire to give the impudent little woman a fitting response. Holding back the urge to make a scandal, I go to the fitting room and start trying on the clothes: blazers, knee-length skirts, flare jeans, suits, tube dresses, tailored suits, and low-cut dress shirts. I loved all the pieces.
“Are you managing to dress yourself or do you need someone to teach you how to wear one of these?”
I take a deep breath and control myself, I want to punch this woman in the face.
“No matter how many pieces I looked at, a slut would never look good in an elegant outfit.”
Ah, that’s the last straw! Who does this slut think she is to call me a slut? With my fists clenched I come out of the fitting room ready to punch this slut in the face, but I stagnate when I see Filippo with a grim face.
“You have five seconds to get down on your knees and apologize, or I will personally demand your resignation and guarantee that you will never get another job.”
Her gaze shifts in my direction and her chin quivers with anger, she opens her mouth but is interrupted by Filippo.
“Your time is running out, three, two…”
“Please forgive me,” she kneels down.
“Go to her,” he orders, and she begins to get up, “on her knees, like a bitch.
I watch in astonishment as tears shine in her eyes, tears of hatred. I never imagined seeing anyone humiliate themselves to this extent in order not to lose their job.
“Please accept my apology, I had no intention of offending you.”
“I don’t accept,” I say firmly, and she looks at me with wide eyes, “I want you to put all the clothes in the bag, I’ll take them all.”
For the first time in my life, I speak arrogantly to someone, but I won’t say that I didn’t like it, she was lucky not to feel my hands on her pretty little face.