(Renata Pellegrini)
Out of the corner of my eye I see this brute’s other hand coming with a dirty rag towards my nose, I imagine it’s something to make me faint. I raise my arm to break the contact, elbow him in the ribs but he doesn’t even move, squeezing my neck even tighter.
He’s stopped making me swoon with the fabric and now uses his other arm to choke me from behind. I take a deep breath and stay calm, remembering my father’s teachings. I hold his forearm with both hands and tilt my head, making a protection with my chin to be as firm as possible and prevent him from choking me, I bend my knees and pull him over my body, he loses his balance, but to my despair, don’t let me go.
I feel dread take hold of me, all the calm I’ve been trying to maintain is draining from my pores, my blood is freezing, but the sweat doesn’t stop running down my forehead. My heart is pounding and tears are burning my eyes.
‘This can’t be happening, not again’ – I think and unable to control the tears, I cry bitterly, my body trembles.
“Help! Help… “, I cry out desperately, I’m so scared that I’ve stopped protecting my chin and now he’s using all his strength against my neck.
“Shut up, bitch!”, he curses under his breath, squeezing my neck tighter, he starts to drag me backwards.
Scenes of what happened nine years ago come to mind and the sobs are impossible to contain. What does he want from me? Why? I did nothing to deserve this! He will abuse me and then kill me!
I hear the sound of a car door opening behind us and the despair increases even more. I start to thrash myself, I need to fight for my life! The air is missing in my lungs, I feel my body losing strength.
‘Help me, God’- I ask for divine help in thoughts, I am desperate, I thought I would never go through this again.
“You have five seconds to let go she, stronzo!”, the deep voice laden with Filippo’s accent enters my ears, I can’t control the relief that comes over me, thank you my good God! I feel the grip on my neck loosen, the attacker’s hand leaves my neck, I imagine he’s reaching for a gun, “Four, five.”
“Pow,” the booming sound of the gunshot echoes in my ears and freezes me. Blood splashes my face and as I look ahead I see the brains scattered on the floor, the eyes, the skull… I can’t keep looking at him, bile rises in my throat and I vomit, I close my eyes and collapse. my knees floor, the man’s body falls next to me, the noise scares me, I can’t breathe, I can’t control the tremors in my body, I’m in a state of panic!
“Come with me”, Filippo’s arms lift me off the ground and carry me to the passenger seat of the car, “Look at me, ragazza, breathe with me”, I look into his intense eyes, but this time I am not afraid, but a sense of security that reassures me. He moves his hand up and down, I try to synchronize my breathing with his, “This, slowly, very well, feel better now?”, he asks concerned.
“Y-yes… thank you”, I thank you more calmly. I’m still shaking, but now I can breathe.
Filippo turns around and gets into the car, starts the car and leaves the “scene of the crime”.
‘I witnessed a murder!’, the realization of this makes me completely shudder inside. I’m in a murderer’s car…. I swallow my saliva, not liking the direction of my thoughts. ‘If it wasn’t for him, maybe the dead guy in some alley would have been you!’ – my mind argues in favor of my boss.
Breathe in. I repeat it over and over in my mind, I need to stay calm. In Brazil it was normal to see bodies completely punctured by the alleys, but finding a body after the fact is very different from witnessing one’s death in real time.
The parking lot make me interrupt my thoughts, I look out the window and I don’t recognize where I am, I look back and an electric gate closes. I’m shaking like a green stick again, how could I have been so deep in thought that I didn’t notice where the car was going?
It’s his fault, he makes me feel strange things, and now, in my eyes, he’s my savior, so my brain automatically relaxes and lets itself wander.
“W-where are we?”, I didn’t want to have stuttered, but I couldn’t help it, I’m too scared.
“At my house”, he answers and gets out of the car.
“W-why?”, I ask getting out of the car with a frown.
He turns his back to me and walks through a door, thick! I see myself with no alternatives, he follows.
‘How big!’- I think to myself as I look at the giant TV on the wall. I look around and here it is like your office living room, neutral colors and lifeless. Apparently, you don’t just collect guns at the company. A wall full of them hung like exotic paintings.
A shiver runs through my body making me alert.
‘Where is he?’ – I think, take my eyes off his for a second and he leaves. There’s a hallway with several doors, I’m not rude, so I can’t go from door to door looking for him, I don’t even know if he lives with someone else, better sit me down and wait for him to show up. I want to go home, I want to curl up and sleep warm and safe in my house.
I sit down and rest my head on the arm of the couch, this couch is so soft and comfortable, I feel my eyes getting heavy. I am so tired, my day was too busy. My breathing is getting slower and slower, I don’t have the strength to keep my eyes open. I’m going to rest my eyes just for a few minutes, just until he comes back.
> Six minutes later:
What a nice smell, soap smell. I feel my body being carried, like when I was a child and my father used to carry me from the living room to the bedroom, I snuggle better feeling the warmth of the warm, soft skin in contact with my face. My current situation comes back to my mind and I open my eyes quickly, the first thing I see is the exposed skin of Filippo’s neck. I struggle in his arms making him release me.
I feel my face burning, I’m sure even my ears are red.
“What do you think you’re doing to me…”, my voice trails off when I lower my gaze and see he’s only wearing a towel around his waist, leaving his little friend sample. Maybe friend big, which makes me swallow saliva.
“My eyes are up here”, he says, smiling, using my words against me.
You bastard!