LILA’S P. O. V.
I hear beeping. I smell blood and antiseptic. I smell three wolves. The little one wrapped in my arms. The one pressed against my back and one across the room. My body was stiff and sore. At least I wasn’t on fire anymore. I curled the little wolf closer to me. I knew it was Callum, who else would it be? Somehow knowing that this little guy cared enough to be with me, made me feel a little better.
I stir a little, feeling small kisses on the back of my neck. “I know you are waking up, pet. Come back to me.”
I whimper, I don’t really want to come back. Back there is all the pain, all the fear and regret. I killed someone. I am not ready to face that. But I feel the body at my back stroking my head and kissing my neck. It is comforting and I don’t want to fight it. I don’t want to fight the love that I feel coming from this person.
I blink open my eyes and am blinded by the bright light of the room. I hear the body behind me let out a sigh of relief. “Thank the goddess. I thought I was losing you.” Mateo smiles down at me. “Don’t you ever leave me like that again.”
“Where am I?” My voice is cracked and dry.
He rubs my arm and kisses my neck. “You are still in the pack clinic. How are you feeling?”
“It still hurts but it isn’t burning anymore.”
He looks relieved. Mateo rests his forehead on my head. “You scared me so much. You have been gone for so long.” He sounds sad.
“How long have I been here?”
Mateo sighed. “It’s Sunday evening.” He strokes my cheek. “Ash has been bringing Callum and I everything that we would need. Neither of us have left your side. The little guy didn’t want to leave you.” He smiles down at Callum asleep in my arms.
I lift my head a little and see Ash asleep in a chair across the room. He looks exhausted. How much sleep has everyone been getting?
Seeming to read my thoughts, “Everyone has been really worried about their Luna. The pack is in unrest.”
“I am not your Luna, Mateo. I am not their Luna. This needs to stop Mateo.”
“Don’t say that.” He sounds hurt. But I don’t care.
“I can’t be mated to a person who would allow a law like that in their pack. Alyssa didn’t have to die.”
“I didn’t create the law Lila.”
“You had a chance to get rid of it.” I am frustrated. More frustrated that I am right. Mateo can’t be my mate. I won’t allow it.
“Lila, don’t say this, please don’t.” He looks on the verge of crying.
“I mean it Mateo, you are not my mate.”
I see a few tears stream down his face. He shakes his head and gets off the bed. “I’m going to give you some time to think about that. Right now I have to rest and get ready for a meeting outside the pack. Ash will be here to watch over you. Callum can stay with you. The doctor should release you today. You have a room set up at my house. I will be back tomorrow evening. Hopefully by then you see things a little differently.” I watch him as he leaves.
Only now do I notice that he is still wearing the same clothes that he wore yesterday to the fight. The smell of blood followed him out. He has been with me since then, not even changing his clothes. Tears stream down my face as well. How can Mateo be my mate? I am not going to allow it. I am going to fight it until my last breath. No matter how much I may feel towards him.
Ash heard the door close behind Mateo and he stirs looking over at me. “Hey, Luna. How are you feeling?”
“Like shit. Don’t call me Luna.”
He chuckles. “You kind of won the title. That’s what the whole pack thinks you are.” He stretches. “You know he was really worried about you. He wouldn’t leave your side at all. I’m not sure he even went to the bathroom. I mean he had to go to the bathroom I’m sure but he was always so quick that there was hardly a moment you were without him. The doctor told him that you needed him, you needed your mate. He said you wouldn’t have made it without him. The poisoning. Was too much.”
“I am grateful to Mateo for that, but I just can’t be around him right now.” I choke back tears. It hurts to even say the words.
Ash comes up to my side. “Lila, I know this whole thing is difficult. Mateo may have done some things wrong, but it doesn’t change the bond. You are his mate. It will be easier for the two of you if you just accept that.” I shake my head. “You can be stubborn all you want but unless you reject Mateo, you are going to be connected to him. Did he tell you that he talked to your Dad? Well one of them anyway. He is going to see them tomorrow afternoon and tell them where you are.”
“I thought he said he wanted me here until Wednesday?”
Ash looks sad. “He does, but he knows how worried your family is. He wants you to be happy.”
“So, I will probably be leaving tomorrow?”
“Unless the doc says you can’t travel. Then he’ll bring someone back here to be with you and let the others know that you are ok.”
I look down at Callum. “I’m not sure I am ready to leave yet.”
I see a hint of a smile on Ash’s face. “Then it will be done. I’m going to tell the doctor that you are up. He wanted to know as soon as you gained consciousness.” He pats my arm and leaves the room.
I look down at Callum. “I wish I could take you home with me, little guy. You deserve a mother. I would love nothing more than to be that person for you. I just don’t think that Mateo is my mate. I feel a lot for him, I just don’t want to be mated to him.” I sigh, I sound confused. I am confused. I like when he holds me and kisses me. I like when we talk. I like it all, but some part of me doesn’t want to accept this. Maybe it’s fear. I just don’t know and that is what scares the shit out of me.