BETH.
Unexpectedly seeing Tony in the restaurant and as my date at that left mixed feelings within me. As usual, I couldn’t help but check him out, he was tall and sturdy, and even in this relaxed environment, his pose held power. The way his suit stretched taut around his shoulders when he shifted snagged and held my attention-I couldn’t help but stare. Did he pick that tight suit on purpose? He had to know that the fabric clung close to his body, showing off every rippling muscle underneath.
I was pissed at first, thinking he was playing my bestfriend while at the same time going on various dates but then after his explanation, I had to calm down. I know how he felt, this was my father’s doing too afterall so I couldn’t really fault him.
But then, I felt out of place and it seemed like we had nothing more to say, or maybe I was just the only one feeling like that so I had to decide to leave, “If it’s settled, I should probably just go then. Don’t worry, I’ll tell my dad that you went crazy!” I said laughing a little to ease the tension.
“That will really go a long way, thank you. And you don’t have to rush home, we are here already so there’s nothing wrong with us enjoying our reservation except you’re running away from me or something.” I heard his deep and alluring voice say and I was half glad and half scared that he asked me to stay.
Half glad because a part of me wanted to spend the evening talking with him and half scared because the other part of me knew that whatever I was feeling was wrong and I might end up blurting it out, jeopardizing everything. So I kept trying to look at anywhere else but him, my hands suddenly felt jittery and my mouth went dry for no reason.
“No, absolutely not. Uhm… uh… I’ll just see what they have for us on their menu then.” I said, opening the menu in front of me and using it to cover my face which I thought would in turn hide whatever emotion was written on my face. The silence between us was so awkward and it was obvious that there was an elephant in the room begging to be mentioned and then he mentioned it, taking me off guard.
“About that night, I’m so sorry that I left like that.” He said.
I slowly put the menu in my hands down as I took a proper look at him, so dark were his eyes that I felt myself falling into them, wrapped in a warm brown blanket.
“Why did you leave like that though?” I found myself asking in a tiny little whisper, almost like I was trying not to let anyone else hear me but he did hear me.
For the first time that evening, he stuttered, “uh… I didn’t… I didn’t want any uh… clingyness at that point. I was not ready to be in a relationship and I could… I could somehow tell that you were the time to want relationships.” He said, and for some reason, I didn’t find him convincing but had to believe him anyways.
“You could have just said that instead of putting my hopes up that night only to shatter it the next morning with that stupid and disrespectful note that you left. It was so unnecessary, there is nothing wrong is spelling it out, I wanted whatever we has that night too, I wouldn’t fault you at all.” I said, letting my emotions get the best of me.
“I’m so sorry, Beth. I really am, I realize that I was a jerk and I’m sorry.” He apologized again.
“That’s okay, it’s fine now. It’s in the past already, but what about my bestfriend, what about Lara? I hope you’re not just deceiving her too?” I asked and to be honest even though I honestly asked because I cared for my bestfriend, a little part of me also asked because I wanted him to say he wasn’t serious with her or something.
‘You’re so pathetic, Beth!’ My subconscious mocked causing me to almost facepalm myself.
“Beth, I’m honestly serious with Lara. I… uh… she makes me feel safe with her and she is literally my first relationship in seven years, I love her so much and I’m not at all playing her, I’m being for real.” He said, and I would be lying if I said he didn’t look sincere. Hearing him say that made me feel pity for him, somehow he was serious with her, while Lara was still out there gallivanting around.
“That’s, huh, that’s good, I’m happy for you too and I wish you guys happiness.” I said in all sincerity.
“Thank you and I hope that we keep this blind date between us and leave the past in the past also, please.” Tony said again, almost pleading with his eyes.
“Why would I do that? You’re not my friend, Lara is. She deserves to know, it’s not that much of a big deal. I’ve never hidden things from her and I’m not starting now.” I retorted.
“I know. I know and I feel bad asking you to do this but if you know Beth the same way I do in this shirt period of time, you would know that she is definitely going to blow it all out of proportion. This can cause a break in trust for both of us and a strain in friendship for both of you too.”
I was sad to admit that he was right. Lara was really that way, she might act like she didn’t care about it at first and then bring it up way later, she would also start noticing how we react and act around each other and draw conclusions on her own. I remember the one time I offended her by saying I liked a boy, not knowing that she liked him too and the boy felt the same way for her, she almost made hell rain, saying I knew she liked him and went ahead to like him back even when she hadn’t told me. At first, she acted like it was cool until later that she kept bringing it up, even till now, she still brings it up in conversations.
“Okay, let’s just keep it between us.” I found myself agreeing to Tony and then he suddenly touched my hands that was on the table, while thanking me, “thank you so much, Beth. Be rest assured that some things need to stay hidden for some things to remain the way they are.” He said before he then took his hands off mine.
My skin tingled where he touched me and my heart beat erratically in my chest so hard that I thought it might fly out. There were butterflies – no, lions – in my chest, but it felt good. I finally admitted to myself what I knew all along, but was too afraid to admit it: I liked him. A lot. And I wanted to be with him.
But then, my heart was extremely shattered when I heard his next words, “By the way, I also need your help on something. I want to throw a surprise birthday for Lara and I need you to help me in planning it because I plan on proposing to her that day.”