I took a deep breath while looking into the void, I didn’t know what I should do, if I would listen to my wishes or if I would keep the promise I made.
I can’t quite figure out if I should be selfish or if I should pay for all my sins.
I don’t want to live in a world where there is a heavy sin. Even before I met her, I wanted to disappear.
Even before she came into my life, I was always looking for a way to end my life without feeling pain.
But when she came, my world changed. I remember what she said before. “If you have a problem, pray, killing yourself is not the solution to all your problems.” That’s what always sticks in my mind every time I try to commit suicide.
One day I tried what she said, I prayed even though I didn’t know how. I didn’t even know how to do the sign of the cross so I just went straight to telling him what I wanted to say. I asked for forgiveness for the mistakes I made, and I asked for guidance on whether to correct my mistakes.
On the day of her father’s funeral, I brought a book with me. The label on the outside is How to kill yourself without feeling pain, but on the inside is the bible. I started reading the bible because I saw Erelah reading the bible one night before we went to her father’s house.
I don’t know why I was convinced to read the bible too, I like what Erelah is doing I will do it too. There is nothing wrong if I also read what Erelah is reading.
I just stopped reading when Achaz came out, after he came out I couldn’t see the book I was carrying. The same thing happened one after the other so I didn’t have time to look for the village book.
Every day before I go to sleep, I pray first, I pray that Chai or Achaz don’t come out. But it seems that my prayer was not heard because Chai still came out then and not only Chai but the other Alters that Chai has.
Am I selfish? I always pray to him that the host does not come out and that I am the host in this body even though I am just an Alter.
I think my wish started when I met Erelah, I don’t know why but I want to see her all the time. I see her happy and safe. Every time Chai comes out I worry for her. Because that crazy host might do something to her.
Until Chai came out while she and Acahaz were going on a date. This is Achaz, I know he is in cahoots with Chai. Achaz would not have asked Erelah to go out if Chai had not ordered him. If Chai is the brain, Achaz is the body.
When Erelah first encountered Chai, I was very worried for her, I forced myself to go out just to save her because I could see how Chai was about to hurt her.
It’s a good thing the one I was holding was stuck in my arm and not Erelah’s. I was already happy that I saved Erelah even though I knew she was scared of me.
Until everything ended up in court and Erelah introduced me to Atty. Mielda, the lawyer from Draco’s family, Chai’s brother, and Gazer’s boss’ enemy.
It’s a small world, who thought that Erelah met the person who killed her father and Chai’s missing brother?
It’s funny because when Draco found out that Chai wasn’t the one he always talked to, he tried to cure Chai just to get rid of his alters. But when he found out that his brother was crazy, the wind seemed to change and he refused to heal his brother.
I’m the type of person who doesn’t know how to say thank you, even if Gazer and Havacco are asked, they haven’t seen me say thank you or even to them, I haven’t said thank you yet. But to Erelah. I am so thankful that she saved me when I wanted to jump off the bridge into the rushing water. I don’t know that day I was annoyed with her because she stopped me from jumping off the bridge but lately I have been thanking her too much. Because if she didn’t save me then, I probably wouldn’t have known the feeling of happiness and the feeling of love.
Some people I meet are right about their view on love. This is not casual and it is not a joke. When you are hit, you are hit, and Erelah? I was hit by her.
Why do I want to die? if I still have a lot to learn in life, I regret that I locked myself in my dark world, I regret that I let my attention stay on Achaz and Chai. I regret all my sins. can he still forgive me? Maybe even the priest if I confess to him, will not let me go from the weight of the sin I have committed.
Maybe the people I killed before were right, ‘The karma will come too’ and this is probably my big karma, leaving Erelah and not fulfilling the promises I made.
If I have a request, I hope she can forgive me.
If there is anything I want to say? I don’t know but if Erelah can read the letters I will leave in those words and every word contained in it is full of love I wrote it and I will leave only one message for the woman who became an angel in my life. Even if I get lost in the world we both live in, I always watch over her wherever she goes. And if I am given the chance to live again in the next life, I will find her, and I promise that she will not face a Cold Damon or an Alter Damon, but a Damon who is ready to pour his love for an Erelah is like her.
And if what they say is true that ‘You exist in another world’ then I wished that the Damon in that world is not an Alter or a cold or a serial killer. I hope that the other Damon story is happy in another world with their own Erelahs.
And if I have a final message for Erelah, it is….. In the days, hours, minutes, and seconds we are together even for a short time. There wasn’t a second that I didn’t feel from her that I loved her. I love you so much Erelah. Sorry
“I love you Erelah.”
“Perform the execution now.” Just as I was covering my face, my tears started to fall until I cried because I heard Erelah say ‘I love you too Damon’ I used to want to disappear from this world. Now I’m afraid to lose, I’m afraid to leave Erelah.
But this is what was destined for my life, maybe this is what was destined to happen in my life. Forgive me Erelah.
I felt the voltage of electricity that flowed through my body and its pain in my feeling until my whole body gradually became numb and my eyes gradually closed.
“Sorry Erelah”