There was nothing I could do, so I’d just keep destroying things in my room and destroy what’s left of my door. One minute, I felt bad for getting mom beaten, another minute I would get mad at Cameron for beating mom or even getting angry in the first place. Since Cameron diverted his anger towards mom, I stopped destroying my door. For Mom’s sake. I diverted my whole energy to my wardrobe instead, and my dresses and shoes. Mom had another door fixed to my room and it was smooth wooden. She had planned to get an iron door but Cameron would not give her any money to support that. The best she could afford was wood, so she got a wooden door fixed for me.
Whenever I was angry and tempted to kick the door, I would instead fling all my dresses and shoes in the air and match my feet on them, yelling and holding my head. Ironically, it helped me feel better. It was an outlet for the anger buildup.
So I still have the wooden door intact even though I’ve promised myself to destroy it before leaving with mom. On the day mom and I with the baby would leave Cam’s house, I would not only destroy the door, I’d also destroy the floor with a sledgehammer. I have one in my drawer. I wanted Cameron to have something to be angry about as we left. Just then, my hands touched the sledgehammer still in my drawer. I grabbed it and made a quick, quiet walk to my bathroom. I didn’t have any plan. I just wanted to avoid mom or avoid her seeing the tool with me. Maybe I could destroy Cameron’s glass window and door and break the tub or the floor. (Later) Maybe not then, maybe on the night preceding our departure but I had to hide it somewhere else. Mom could easily find it in my drawer again, and I didn’t want that.
Actually it was my second sledgehammer. No I mean it’s the same one but Mom had seen it at first and hid it, wondering what I needed it for. Or maybe she knew and was trying to avoid me destroying the wooden door she got fixed for me again.
She actually did come to my room when she thought I was sleeping at a time, and started to search for tools. I knew because she was talking to herself all through.
She found some nails, some pins, those boots I used to kick things and then the sledgehammer, which had 39-inch handle and weighed about 12 pounds. She took everything away.
I would not let her this time.
“Ariana please open the door” mom’s voice came again, jerking me out of my reverie. I looked round the bathroom for a space to hide it but there was no hidden space. Everywhere was open. Then an idea struck me. I went back to my room to hide it in the tile under my wardrobe but I changed my mind; it was no longer a secret place. Mom already found out the place.
Where else can I hide it? I thought. It would be better for me to carry it with me to school everyday. So I put it in my school bag and sighed. I hung the school bag on the wardrobe and made a deep breath before going to the door.
“Ariana, are you there?”
“Yes mom” i said, unlocking my door. She looked relieved to see me and she scrutinized the room before walking in. She looked pumped as usual, her breasts and bottom fuller and her stomach bigger. She went over to my desk and sat down. I sat on the bedside to face her. She was staring at me intently. I knew she was concerned about me.
“Ariana, are you okay?” She asked. I nodded slowly. What does she expect me to answer with? I wasn’t coping well; I was still grieving but I guess “I’m okay” is what people who are not, say.
“My daughter,” she said joining me on the bed, and hugging my shoulders.
“I need you to be strong. For me, for your baby sister and for yourself” she encouraged. “I know everything that’s happening or that has happened is taking their toll on you, but please be fine. Please darling, I want to see you happy, you know that’s all I’m living for” I made some incomprehensible sounds and waited for her to continue because it appeared there was so much words in her mouth to say to me.
“Joe already told you that he’s in a better place. Can you hold on to that and get some succour in that realization?”
“Succour? Do you mean solace, mom?” I asked
“Yes baby. Let that fact make you be at peace with his departure. And you know, darling that on the last day, in heaven, we all will meet at the Lord’s feet and not be separated forever, everyone of us” she said, forcing a smile.
“Everyone? If Cameron will be there, then I’m not going to heaven. I’ll stay here” I said ignorantly. She sighed and just looked out the window. I was sure she was trying to change the topic.
“Do you feel better today?” She asked out of the blues.
“Not really. I’m not strong enough to resume school yet” i replied honestly.
“Right. I understand, and I’ll not force you to go to school. You can take as much time as you need. You can resume school next week or next two weeks, I’ll take some permission for you from your school, tell your teacher what happened to Joe in case they do not still know, okay?”
“Okay, but…” I thought. I didn’t need time to heal before resuming school. I didn’t want to go anymore. I didn’t want to go near Enchanting Promises High School. Not anymore. I was done. I needed mom to understand.
“Mom” I said. She rubbed my head and used her fingers to comb my long, thick dark hair.
“Yes darling. Tell me”
“Mom, I don’t want to go to school, not next week, not next month, not anymore. I don’t want to attend that school anymore. I don’t even like the fact that we are still here mom. You promised to relocate us, not?”
“Yes that’s right, my darling” she said, sighing twice. “But I need to divorce him first” she said it and plumped her lips immediately after, like she regretted being so honest about it with a little girl like me. I shouldn’t hear about my parents divorcing but little did mom know that I was totally okay with it.
“I have a stepsister in Georgia. She isn’t married and has no kids yet, and I do not want you to stay alone with her. The thing is, my family and I are not United. I told you that. Even if I didn’t, you must have noticed. Only my mom and I were close before her death. I don’t even know my biological dad.”
I sighed.
“I can’t put you with someone I barely talk to. I can’t. So we have to leave together, you , the baby and I. That’s why I’m trying to get Cameron to sign the papers. After that, we’ll leave” she said. She looked so uncertain. Like she was just talking out of a faint hope.
“Why isn’t he signing it?” I asked. “How long will it take him?”
“He doesn’t want to” she said. “He doesn’t want me to leave” she shook her head. “But don’t worry darling, Nora and Jack will help me”
“Who’s Jack?” I asked. She stared at me intently then her face broke into a smile.
“You’ll meet him soon. He’s a very cool guy” she said blushing.
“Okay mom”
“Yes darling, everything will be fine soon. Tomorrow will be better” These words were so soothing that I smiled. I started to imagine my baby sister and I playing together, mom and my new dad laughing and kissing each other while we kids played. It was going to be so much happiness for us all. She rubbed my hands for a while before standing up. Then she went to my bathroom, and came out looking pleased. “Your bathroom looks clean”
“I cleaned it” i replied.
“Good girl! Good job” she smiled and i returned the smile. Then she looked around my room. I started to fidget, I didn’t want her to see my bag where I kept the sledgehammer. But she saw it.
“Your schoolbag looks dirty” she shook her head. “I guess I could do some laundry today before Cameron arrives” she started to roll up her sleeves. Her skin was really glowing. Her eye looked better too.
“Cameron is returning today?” I was shocked
“Yes, oh I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. He called me to say his flight down here is scheduled for 4pm. It’s only 12pm, so I could still do some laundry and afterwards prepare food for him before he returns” she said pulling out my laundry basket and then reaching for the bag.
“Oh mom!” I said stopping her.
“What?” She was startled by my reaction.
“I’ll get it for you. Go on mom, go to the kitchen, I’ll do the laundry. I promise? I will put all my dirty dresses in the washing machine. You already showed me how to use it” I said giving her a reassuring smile.
“You sure darling?” She insisted
“Yes mom, I’ll do it just fine. Just go mom” I pleaded. She then gave me a thumbs up and walked to the door. “I trust you” she said and left. I heaved a sigh of relief.
“I almost got caught” I said to myself. I quickly took out the sledgehammer, put it in my many clean folded clothes and dumped the empty bag in my laundry basket and pulled it out, after mom, without forgetting to shut my door.