Words replayed in my head like a broken record.
“…It was near midnight when I found two crying kids left on my doorstep…”
“…she made you into a completely different person…”
“…she’s more dangerous than werewolves themselves!”
“…her blood turned her brother into a monster…”
In the span of just a few minutes, there had been several revelations, but nothing devastated me more than the truth behind Lucas’s shift.
That night… both mom and dad had been gone for days so Lucas and I were left alone at home. In the middle of most nights, we’d stay up messing with leftover food and blending them together with all sorts of chopped pretty flowers we picked outside. We were doing our own little experiment in the kitchen, but Lucas’ eyes went wide with terror the moment the edge of the knife missed the target and slammed into my finger.
“What? You’re scared of a little bit of blood? I’m a gangster, I can’t even feel pain cuz of a measly cut!”
I had laughed at him pretty hard but back then, Lucas never ever got pissed off no matter how immature or annoying I was, because whenever we spent time together without our parents, those were the only little moments where we could feel like actual children.
So, like the children we were, I thought nothing of it when I lifted my hands and smothered his face with the blood that spurted from my wound, of course a bit of it had to have gotten near his lips. I remember we laughed and ran around chasing each other. It wasn’t until later that Lucas patched up my cut for me…
But neither of us had a single clue that that was the only wrong move we made that day, did we? When midnight came he began to behave strangely…pained screams as he clawed at his own skin, thunderous growls and the sound of bones cracking.
Nothing was ever the same again.
But despite how clear the memory of that night was, I still wanted to deny the possibility that something as trivial as that had been the cause of all this. So, I told myself that they were lying when they implied I was the daughter of that she-wolf they called Terra and I told myself that these claws… weren’t mine. I wanted to think of all this as a dream, I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut and reopen them to see Kasan’s sleeping face across from me or even wake up to stare at the plain ceiling.
But every rise and fall of my chest, every throb in my head, every tremble of my hands…told me that this was reality.
I’m the one who’s surrounded by the petrified faces of the closest people around me, I’m the one who’s claws were now digging deep into my own brother’s flesh, I’m the one who’s nothing but a menace… I AM the monster.
It turns out, I never had any right to hate Lucas, did I? Rather, he had every reason to bury me six feet under…yet, I dared to despise him for what little things he’d done. Who would’ve thought?
The sharp claws had gradually retracted all on their own and my hands had flopped to my thighs. The sight of Lucas’ blood painting my fingers were the final push to tumble the dam behind my eyes, sending streams of salty tears slithering down my cheeks.
There was an overwhelming mix of despair, guilt and self-hatred building inside, but still, do I even have the right to cry?
There were a million questions I wanted to ask him, no I wanted to ask ALL of them, but do I deserve answers?
And most of all, I desperately wanted to apologize, but do I even deserve his forgiveness?
“You two…” Lucas broke the silence, clearing his throat when his voice came out a bit raspy. He looked towards the back at mom and dad. “…can you step out for a bit?”
They didn’t utter a word to object, and simply crawled out of the car as he’d ask. One would think they were relieved to be sent out.
“C-Clara…” His voice was hesitant when he called my name, and I could see in his body language that he was contemplating whether to speak or not. His gaze shifted to my hands for a split second then back to my face, but he made sure not to look me in the eye. His face was sweating and his skin had paled, even his eyes had begun to swirl with a bit of golden. The expression he was wearing was something that seemed very unfamiliar on his particular face, something that was close to…fear.
Lucas, mother and even father… It couldn’t be that they’re scared of me, could it?
“It…It looks like someone’s trying to mess with us.” He finally said. “No one else except for the Alpha and me were there with your parents that day. I’m not sure how they got their hands on such a recording nor who put it in the car either but…I’m sure it has something to do with them, the riders.” He said it all in one breath, scratching the back of his head.
For some reason, he hasn’t mentioned a thing on the matter that needed the most explanation, as if he was avoiding talking about it.
“My blood…” I squeezed out, lowering my head in shame when he flinched. “…It’s like that woman’s, huh? You know…I once thought you were the one who could do that sort of thing since Kasan hid you when that woman searched the mansion and he even said something about you being a rare werewolf…. but I never even thought of the possibility that it could’ve been me instead.” I laughed humorlessly, my bloodied hand reaching up to grip the strands of my hair.
When I think about it, I’d been real stupid, laughably stupid. Even those times when Kasan kept asking if anything changed…it wasn’t about inhaling wolfsbane, was it? Rather, he was asking if I’d seen the signs. Just how much of a werewolf am I? Can I shift like them? Growl like them? Can I even live like them?
Honestly, I didn’t want to, so much that it felt like some kind of punishment.
“I wasn’t born a werewolf, so my scent is slightly different from the others. It’s why my existence needed to be kept a secret from the elder. And the thing about your blood…” I heard him gulp. “The reason you were kept under strict supervision by your parents…wasn’t solely because they had a price on their heads. It was their effort to keep you away from humans without telling you the truth. They were doing what they thought was best for you, so I hope you don’t resent them too much. They’re not b—”
“THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD BE SAYING!” I imploded, cutting him off. I didn’t want to hear any of what he had to say, honestly, I’d rather he shouted at me till my ears bled or even strangle me till I had no air left. His undeniable worry even though he had all his memories, made me feel even worse.
A new heavy wave of tears flowed down my cheek as I clenched my hand, fingers digging into my scalp. Once again, my claws came out all on their own, piercing right through me and I didn’t even try to stop it. But even as blood started to run like a river, it wasn’t enough to make me feel pain. I sunk it deeper and even deeper, yet nothing changed. It merely felt like a sting.
I bit my lip. “What…are you even explaining? You should hate me, you should despise me! Break my bones like you did back then! Shout at me! Rid me of—–”
“Stop it!” His hand grabbed my wrist and while keeping it tight in his hold, he used his free hand to pull open the glove compartment, ruffling through the stuff inside. When he didn’t find what he was searching for, he raked the hand through his hair and dropped his head, shoulders sagging. His eyes had gone frantic with worry. “…I-I don’t know how to say this…but I’m sorry. I don’t want you to forgive me and I don’t want you to welcome me either. If anyone should be miserable, it’s me. Don’t bla—-”
“Ahhh!” A loud scream surged through the air, a scream loaded with nothing but terror. Mother?! That scream was definitely hers!
Dread seeped into my being and it only got worse when following the scream, the scent of blood drifted into my nostrils and the sound of multiple footsteps filled the air. Lucas released my hand and was out of the car quicker than I could blink.
I quickly spun in my seat, but before my hand could reach for the door, the sharp edge of a knife was pressed to my neck.
“Any funny moves and the old bitches die!”
That was undoubtedly the kerchief guy’s voice. Is this an ambush?! He’s a traitor?
My stomach dropped. “What did you do to them?!”
“Nothing as long as you follow my orders. Step out of the car!”
My heartbeat quickly became loud enough to reach my own ears, even my whole body felt as if it was throbbing. I sat in place despite his command and clenched my hands as hard as I could…but the claws never came out no matter how much I willed them to.
“Get out, Luna bitch!”
I tried again and again, but to no avail. Why the hell isn’t it working?!
“Clara!” Lucas’ shout had my head snapping to the right and within a second, the door to the driver’s side went flying. My eyes went wide when Lucas’ face came into view as he leaned over into the car. His eyes had become completely golden and his nails were now fully elongated, but what caught my eyes was the blood that dripped from them. He went to reach for me, but the second his eyes noticed the knife at my neck, his face immediately hardened.
“Move back or I’ll slice her throat!”
“Fuck.” He cursed under his breath, hand slowly lowering.
“Now, get. out. of. the. fucking. car!” He pressed the knife harder against my neck, causing the blade to nick my skin.
I had no choice but to open the car door but the moment I stepped one foot outside, Lucas’ hand gripped my arm. His lips began to mouth something to me along the lines of ‘when I give you the signal…’ but without a second thought, I pursed my lips and yanked my arm out of his hold.
If I don’t know anything else, then I know for sure that I don’t want him to save me. I’ll save myself!
For now, I have no choice but to do as asked, then once I find an opening, I’d strike. If mom and dad are being held at gunpoint, I can’t say for sure if I’ll be able to get out of this but even if I do end up getting killed, I’d have deserved it and more.
I stepped out of the car with the blade still pressed to my neck and glared at my feet. “If it’s me you need, leave them alone! I’ll willingly co—-”
Before I could finish my sentence, something came reeling towards me from behind, whacking me in the head hard enough to send me tumbling to the floor. The power behind the hit had my vision instantly surrounded by black dots.
A thunderous growl split through the air, one I knew surely belonged to Lucas. But I couldn’t see him, I couldn’t see a thing. The world around me had become pitch black and my head was throbbing nonstop.
Soon enough, even my hearing began to dullen. The last thing I heard was the echo of a feminine voice.
“Blood…Hurt…”
“…must protect…human…”
The voice sounded close, too close. But it sure as hell wasn’t mother’s. Who was it???