“Hi mom”
“Hop in Juan” he said quickly. Colin. It was one of those days he came to drive Juana home with Baron’s wife’s car. After school in the afternoons. When Juana realized in the beginning that she’d be driving home with Colin in her mother’s car for the next God-knows-how-long school period, she felt sick in the stomach. It reminded her of mom. The car still smelled like her.
For few seconds, it made her feel good and she’d even forget sometimes that mom was not the one at the steering driving her home. But it mostly made her sick. She didn’t show it however, to Baron. She didn’t want to be too much of a bother to him. He was carrying enough weight on his shoulders already. So she pretended to like the arrangement and was glad to see that it pleased Baron because he smiled.
For the first week, she managed to endure the sick feeling in her stomach. It usually arose suddenly when at closing hour, she’d see her mom’s car parked outside the school gate, but with someone else holding the wheel. Not her mom- Colin. She’s imagined the car parking, and her mom’s hand flying out of the open glass, and her voice yelling ever so sweetly “Hey darling, hop in!” several times and on one of such moments, she’d followed her imagination to reality by rushing to the car to grab her mom’s soft right hand and say “Is this really you?”. But Instead of hearing a feminine reply ” Yes darling”, she heard instead, “What are you talking about?” And it was Colin’s voice, not mom’s.
“Sorry” she muttered and gently hopped in beside him, coming out of her reverie immediately
“What did you mean is this really me? Do I look different?” Colin pestered on their way home
“Never mind” she replied and shut up for the rest of the journey.
Now today was one of those days. But she’d recovered quickly before Colin heard her say “Hi mom”. Did he hear her say it and just ignored because he was used to her ‘hallucinations’? Or he hadn’t heard her at all? Maybe her voice had been drowned by the noise of happy kids and waiting parents and moving cars around the school premises?
Juana sat in the passenger seat silently. The car no longer smelt like mom. It hurt Juan that Colin had sent Mom’s scent away, and she was mad at him for that, but it was too stupid to say. She faced the road as he started the car. Juana was familiar with that screeching sound. It was mom’s. It should always be hers. No one should take her things and use them or alter them because she was not there to monitor them; It was just not fair. She was a bit hungry because she had been writing during lunchtime and she was not in the mood to eat. Her mind was on so many things they centred around her mom. She wished God could let her see her just one more time, hold her and just stare into her eyes and chat with her for an hour. Just an hour. She decided she’d just eat something light and sleep for three long hours or more that afternoon when she got home, so that she’d be awake to check mom’s pictures and letters and handwritten notes and then pray throughout the night. She planned to switch off her phone. Her friends might want to visit, and she wanted to be alone.
“Juana”
Colin’s voice jerked her out of her reverie again.
“What?”
“I want you to tell me why you’ve been kind of odd ever since I began driving you” he said. They were almost home, Juana could see.
“What do you mean?”
“Am I doing something you don’t like?” He asked
“Not really”
“Okay. Will you tell me about your mom then? I find you mistaking me for her all the time. Do I look feminine to you?” He said and half laughed. He was parking in their garage now.
“This is not funny” Juana rolled her eyes and looked at him. He stopped the car and faced her. She looked away quickly. The butterflies were back in her stomach again. It was kind of good because they sent the sick feeling packing. Her heart was beating fast. She suddenly was nervous. She grabbed the door handle and opened it, but Colin grabbed her hand and made her close it again.
“What are you doing?” She asked looking directly at his eyes. The butterflies in her stomach flapped their wings.
“I’m not letting you go until you respond. Is there something I need to know? About your mom? Where is she? I’ve only seen her once and I know close to nothing about her”
“Leave me alone, Colin” Juana said and opened the car door. This time, he let her. She walked to the front door and tried to open it but it was locked.
“Oh my God, where has Dad gone to?” She rubbed her forehead and kicked the air in frustration. Her stomach was rumbling and she didn’t know whether it was the hunger or the butterflies. She saw that Colin was still waiting in the car. So she went up to the car and peered in. “Hey did my dad say anything about going anywhere? I have no spare key!”
He alighted and walked up to her
“He got a news and had to go attend to something urgently”
“What news? Did he say?”
“Good news, that’s what he said” Juana’s face lit up. Good news?
Colin opened the door with the key he fished out of his pocket and walked a hungry and bemused Juana in.
“He said to take good care of you while he’s out” He said putting on the lights in the living room
“Go back to the ranch. I’ll be fine alone”
“No. I can’t disobey his instructions” Juana ignored him and walked to her room to change into home clothes. She left him alone there on purpose; she wanted to be alone. She wanted to just eat and sleep and chase him the hell out. But he was still there when she came to the living room in her home clothes. She was wearing a light blue shirt and white baggy trousers. He was sitting on the couch staring at nothing, and Juana couldn’t help but notice his tan skin and his beautiful auburn hair. Hair so thick that Juana wondered if he ever combed it.
“If you’re thirsty, you can check the fridge for any drink” she said and walked straight to the kitchen
“Thanks” he said getting up immediately.
Juana was about to cook when she saw a paper pinned to the side of the gas cooker.
It read “Hey sweetheart I made you some fries. Check the microwave. And I’ll be back in the evening-Love from dad”
She smiled. She was so happy she wouldn’t have to go through the stress of cooking. There in the microwave was her food. A plate of fried meat and chips. She took it to the living room and sat roughly on one of the chairs. Colin was sipping wine from a bottle
“God! How can you drink directly from the bottle?” Juana yelled
“A glass isn’t enough for my thirst. A bottle will do” he smacked his lips and Juana saw that they were really red. ‘Cute’ she thought
“Join me if you’re hungry” she said softly, so he sat with her and ate with her. Juana couldn’t avoid him now, she knew.
“Will you tell me now?” He said amidst sounds of chewing and sipping
“It’s a sad story. Mom’s story is a sad one” Juana said quickly before she could refrain herself from answering.
“Sad? He told me she travelled and will be back soon” Colin looked surprised
“He did?”
“Yes”
“He’s right about the first part, I don’t know about the second”
“Was it an accident?” Colin asked carefully
“Yes. Plane crash and we can’t find her body”
“Omg I didn’t know. I’m so sorry about that”
“And that is her car you drive me in every afternoon”
“Ohh”
“Juana, I’m so sorry. It must be really hard on you” he said sadly.
“Don’t start. Let’s talk about something else or keep quiet, that is” His closeness was driving her insane. She knew it was because she liked him that she could talk about mom with him. She didn’t talk about mom with any other person apart from her family. It was hard, except you were part of the experience.
After eating, she took the dishes to the kitchen. She switched on the TV but Colin said it was too noisy. So she switched it off, saying she didn’t want to initially. “I planned to sleep but I can’t”
“Why?” He asked
“Because you’re here” she said. She watched his eyes glow. She admired his tan skin and felt like touching his auburn hair. She felt the electric shock again because he was staring at her the way she had told God to stop him from doing.
“What?”
“What’s what?”
“You’re staring” Colin said and half laughed. Juana admired his perfect dentition carefully.
“You have very nice teeth” she said without thinking
“Thank you pretty” he said and half laughed, half smiled again
“Colin, you think I’m pretty?”
“I don’t think you’re pretty, I see that you’re pretty” he said laughing out loud. He laughed all the time. He was fun.
Juana blushed “Thanks”
Then she began to stare at air.
“What are you thinking about?”
“What good news Dad got” she said. Suddenly Colin’s phone rang. After a minute of talking with the caller , he said.
“Dad’s on his way already”
“Oh I’m glad”. Colin got up ” I have to go now. He’ll be back in minutes “. She didn’t want him to leave yet, but she didn’t want to say.
So she walked him to the door. He opened it and walked out but she pulled his hand. He turned back and held her hands. He closed the door behind him.
She felt the electric shock run through his hands to hers. She looked at his face closely this time and did not look away. The butterflies were flapping their wings and jumping around now and she didn’t want them to stop.
“Don’t go” she whispered
He didn’t say a word but Juana read his eyes. He didn’t want to leave too. He held her chin with his left hand and with his right hand drew her close to his chest, and carefully brought down his lips to hers. He let his lips linger on hers for a while before slowly kissing it. Juana closed her eyes. She held her breath and only exhaled when he was done. It felt so good, and it was her first. She almost thanked him. She wanted him to continue but it was then she knew why he had stopped kissing her; Baron’s car was hooting in the compound. He was back.