Sophie
I can’t stand here with these men. I feel like I’m going to burst into tears or tear them apart with my bare hands. They’re all standing around the grill, and every one of them probably knows how my father died. They were probably all there.
And not one of them will explain it to me. I’m not one of them. Never will be.
My stomach turns. How can I actually be seeing a man who’s keeping that kind of secret from me? Have I no self-respect.
Then again, maybe it’s a reason to keep seeing him. To wear him down until he eventually tells me. I think part of him wants to.
“Is my Aunt Marie inside?” I force myself to ask, hoping I sound casual. Like I’m not crawling out of my skin right now.
“Yeah, right through the slider, there.” Al gestures with the spatula. “Make yourself at home.”
I hightail it out of there, not even glancing at Joey as I leave. Thankfully, he doesn’t follow.
“Sophie!” Alberto’s wife, Carmen, greets me when I walk in the large, open kitchen. The women are gathered around the huge granite-topped island talking in loud voices as they sip wine and arrange food. “Al told me you were coming. It’s good to see you.”
I move forward on wooden legs to receive kisses.
“Summer, honey, say hi to Sophie. You probably don’t remember her, she hasn’t been around since you were probably six or seven.”
Summer, Al and Carmen’s gorgeous daughter, steps forward, and we cheek kiss even though we don’t remember each other.
Twin girls, about the same age, also move in for kisses. I totally remember them because identical twins stick in your mind. They’re Bobby’s daughters. “I think I remember you from a funeral,” one of them says. “I’m Janine.”
“Juliana,” the other one supplies. “I remember that funeral. You had on black combat boots. We thought you were so cool,” the other one says. “Did you disappear with Joey? Everyone was freaking out.”
“My dad’s funeral,” I say faintly.
“Oh.” Janine winces. “I’m sorry. That was insensitive.”
“No, it’s fine.”
Janine changes the subject quickly. “This is Lexi, our soon-to-be stepmom.”
A young woman my age with a fabulous haircut and color shakes my hand. “Let’s not say stepmom,” she says to the twins. “We’re not even engaged, yet.”
“You’re going to be,” Juliana says.
“Nice to meet you.” I smile, wondering if her resistance is like mine.
This is the part of the family I’ve missed. This easy talkative acceptance. Large groups of people gathered in kitchens around food. People knowing who you are and that you belong, including you even when you don’t want to be included.
Except I don’t belong here. Or if I do, I don’t want to.
“Ma, you remember Artie Palazzo’s daughter?” Carmen says to Joey’s mom.
Donna Teresa gives me a speculative look. “Sure, I remember. You came with Joey?”
“Yes.” I present myself for kisses from her.
“Did you fix his back yet? That’s what he really needs. He does enough dating.” She waves a hand in the air as if to disparage the entire idea of dating and dismissing me at the same time.
“Eh, dating’s fine too, Ma,” Carmen says. “I’m thrilled. Joey hasn’t brought a girlfriend around since he broke up with Amelia over a year ago.”
“I’m not his girlfriend,” I assert, which Joey would probably argue with. It doesn’t matter because they’re not listening to me.
“He should’ve married that girl! She was perfect for him,” Donna Teresa cries, and Carmen rolls her eyes at me behind her back.
“Excuse me.” I escape to find my Aunt Marie. When I spot her, I give her a huge hug. Marie begins her usual gossip, which is a relief, as it keeps my mind off thinking about what Joey revealed about my father’s death.
He hesitated when I asked if someone here killed him. Which means my mom was right. My dad was killed by the LaTorre’s.
Does Marie know? How can she still be a part of this family when they killed her own brother?
When the men come in with the meat, I keep myself completely occupied with Marie, not up for being with Joey. Of course, he comes to stand at my elbow, and when I don’t take the hint, he puts his arm around my waist and directs me to a white leather couch in the living room.
Like most big Italian family gatherings, the house is packed with noise and people-children running amok, loud voices exclaiming and chattering. It usually makes it easy enough for me to fade away, but it seems coming as Joey’s date makes invisibility impossible. His mother plops herself in the easy chair next to us.
“So how is your mother?” Donna Teresa asks.
“She’s well. She lives in Florida now.”
“So I heard. Remarried, eh?”
I nod, willing the knots in my belly to release. I’m certain Donna Teresa dislikes my mom. Probably because my mom made it plain she thought the woman’s husband was responsible for the death of my dad.
“Do you like him?” Donna Teresa asks. “The new husband?”
I chew my lip and shrug. “Not so much. But he makes my mom happy.”
“Ah.” The older woman’s eyes glint. “That’s important.”
“Hey, Joey,” Sammy calls to him. “Come on, Al wants us in the office.”
Joey seems reluctant.
“He said it’s important.”
Joey squeezes my knee. “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Even though I’m the one who’s been avoiding him since we got here, I feel abandoned. But I can’t lean on Joey here. He’s one of them. I’m the outsider. The one who doesn’t want to fit in.
I watch the men file into Al’s office. Was it one of them? Pauly? Sammy? Tony? Is his killer here tonight?
“I’m taking off, Donna Teresa,” a young college-aged man says, leaning down to kiss her.
Right. I don’t need Joey to hold my hand, and I don’t need to wait for him to take me home, either. “Are you driving anywhere near the business district?” I ignore the raised eyebrows of Donna Teresa.
“Yeah, you need a ride?”
“Yes, please.” I jump up to grab my purse and give Aunt Marie a quick kiss.
I need to get out of here before I say or do something I totally regret.