Bobby
I was in the middle of another conversation with the damn IRS auditor when Lexi called.
I didn’t mean to be a stronzo, but I know I offended her. I don’t know why she called here, though.
We have boundaries in place. She’s not supposed to call me.
Still, I have an uneasy feeling about it all afternoon. I text her back that I’m tied up, but she doesn’t reply.
When the IRS auditor finally leaves, I try calling, but she doesn’t pick up, so I drive over to the apartment. She was supposed to hear about the job today. Fuck, I hope it wasn’t bad news. Maybe that’s why she called me at work.
The moment I walk in the apartment, I know something’s seriously wrong. The place is spotless. Lexi’s normally neat, but it smells like it’s been freshly cleaned, and today wasn’t a cleaning day.
I find her in the bathroom, scrubbing the tub. She glances up when I walk in and greet her, but she says nothing.
Alarm bells clang in my head.
“Lex? What’s going on?”
She just shakes her head and continues to clean. Okay, so she’s one of those people who cleans when she’s upset. Got it.
I walk up behind her. “What is it, baby? Did you hear about the job?”
“I got it,” she says flatly. She stands and pulls off her rubber gloves, passing me without looking my way.
“That’s great.” I pause when she continues to avoid eye contact, washing her hands in the sink. “What’s going on? Talk to me, bambina.” I reach for her.
“Don’t.”
I freeze, yanking my hand back like I’m burnt. For all my aggressive play, I would never handle a woman who doesn’t want me, especially not Lexi, whom I genuinely care about.
“What is it?”
She finally turns and looks at me for the first time. “Your daughters came by to tell me about the wedding.” Accusation rings in her tone. I take in her expression. There’s anger mixed with resolve.
Fuck.
“You’re upset.”
“No, Bobby. I’m not upset. I’m just done. This doesn’t work for me.”
I scrub a hand across my face. “You’re mad I didn’t take you to the wedding? Is that it? I…maybe I should have.” I stab my fingers through my hair. Fanculo. “Let’s talk this over.”
She shakes her. “It’s okay. I understand. This is an arrangement. You made it perfectly clear you’re not my boyfriend. Of course, you wouldn’t take me to a family wedding. I get it.”
“No.” I hold out my palms. “It’s not like that. I found myself wishing you were there, doll. I just like to keep things separate for your safety. And because I prefer not to mix my dating life with my kids.”
“Your kids are nineteen years old!”
“It’s just easier this way.”
“I know.” She brushes past me and walks into the bedroom.
I follow.
“You want someone you can control. Someone you don’t have to answer to. You like to play your little games with me, don’t you?”
Dammit. This has gone so far off the rails I’m not sure I can recover. She was so agreeable all along. I thoughtstupidlythis arrangement was working for her.
“I’m sorry you’re upset.”
“I’m sorry you’re upset means you don’t think you did anything wrong.” She throws my words back at me.
She’s right.
But am I truly sorry? Not really. I liked our arrangement. I don’t want the boring, vanilla sort of dating life a girlfriend would entail.
“Lex,” I coax. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. It’s just the way I wanted our relationship to go. You seemed perfectly happy to accept it, so I didn’t see a problem.”
Tears fill her eyes, but judging from the set of her jaw, they’re the angry kind. “I just need some time to think. Could you leave? I want you to go.”
My heart twists painfully in my chest.
A tear slides down her cheek.
It takes everything in my power not to lunge forward and fold her up into my arms. But she doesn’t want to be touched. Not by me. Not now, anyway.
“Lexi,” I try again.
“Please,” she begs. “Please? Just go?”
Coldness descends from my heart all the way to my shoes. “Yeah, okay,” I say. “We’ll talk in the morning, okay?”
She needs space, so I’ll give it to her.
She doesn’t answernot that I expected her to.
I walk out, turning my mind off.
I don’t want to think about how I fucked this up. Badly.
Maybe irreparably.
I hate leaving things unresolved between us. It goes against all my better instincts. I should stay and fight for her. But I respect her too much to ignore her wishes.
I just hope I can come up with the right words tomorrow to make her stay.
Lexi
I lied to Bobby.
I don’t need space. I need to get out of here.
After he leaves, I pack my things. I don’t have anywhere to put my furniture and the stuff that’s in storage in the basement of the building, but I can worry about that later.
I have a new job now with a guaranteed salary. I can buy myself new things when I get my own place.
Right now, I just need to get out of this apartment. As far away from all the things that remind me of Bobby as I can.
I’m not angry. I mean I am, but I have no right to be. Bobby was up front with me from the start about the parameters of our relationship. I’m the fool who had to want more.
The fool who fell in love.
I could stay. Enjoy his luxury apartment and the great sex. But every day I stayed would chip away more and more at my dignity. Eat holes through my heart.
No, it’s better to just cut my losses now before I get even more attached.
It takes me until midnight, but I get everything I own neatly packed up and ready to go, and then I call a taxi to take me first to Swank to get the key and then to Gina’s place.
When I get there, it takes me ninety minutes to move my stuff inside, shower, and curl up on the couch.
I want to cry, but I don’t even have the energy.
I’m too drained to even absorb how much grief I carry in my body. In my soul.
I’m too exhausted to even know how much burning this bridge will ultimately cost me.